READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1224 guests online and 7 members online
Poetry
Long Night
By patterjack
29 October 2007
Long  night

The stones that had circled him once are mute and still;
the trees that surround the stones have lost their music;
their leaves now only echo with faint rustling sighs  
the god-given song that had stirred them in a dance.

Within the well of darkness that reaches down
deep to the dismal asphodel fields of Hades
a whisper yet remains, and a wraith that is no more  
than the ghost of a ghost floating in the cave.   


A prophetic singing head, and a lyre unsilenced
had carried the music of love to a darkening world  
till, frozen at last in the stars, the song and singer ended.


But what of her, pale maiden unfulfilled?
Was she welcomed back by Persephone and Dis?
or was she left to wander by the shore of Lethe,
her untuned song a mere whisper among the reeds?

We know of him and his translation into light
but the great three-headed dog stands between us and her.
 

Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3238 comments posted) 29th October 2007
Orpheus, right? Or am I mistaken and is this about something else? Somehow it did make me think of him. Interesting poem.
yes
Written by fellpony (1580 comments posted) 29th October 2007
I have to admit, on first and second reading I didn't understand who 
the characters were in this one. It still made the hairs on the back 
of my neck prickle. 
 
After re reading it, I had another think and started reading around 
Orpheus and Euridice. 
 
We remember the tale of Orpheus and Eurydice, and how he lost her, but the separate ends of their tale are not usually recalled.  
 
The poem works, to an extent, at a level that doesn't require any 
knowledge of the myth; but works even better if there is a clue to the 
personae involved. Now I need to read it again ...

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3298 comments posted) 29th October 2007
I thought this was a beautifully written piece and despite my lack of knowledge of the classics I could appreciate it. As I read it I did get flashes of recognition, things that I half remembered. 
I knew some of the references but only superficially. And, I’m ashamed to say, more from sources like “Pilgermann” or “Medusa Frequency” than the original.  
For some reason the second verse really struck a cord with me, not only was it so lyrical and beautiful but it spoke of something intangible. I responded to it emotionally rather than intellectually. I just liked the words. 
When I read work like this it reminds what have missed out on. I enjoyed it for it’s lyrical precision and splendour but I feel I would have got more out of it if I were better read. 
Jane
With an apology
Written by patterjack (1159 comments posted) 30th October 2007
Thank you for the comments. 
 
I got enmeshed in the Orpheus myth, but was truly more interested in the fate of the girl. Hoban is partly to blame for the overall preoccupation, Jane, but so is an American woman author I was reading  
 
I got so serious in fact that I fear the verse is far from seamless. 
 
I have relieved some of the tension it brought me by adding the afterthought Aristophanic Additions  
 
My apologies to all  
 
patterjack
Super!
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 30th October 2007
Nice work Brian. 
 
What a lovely title. Worth reading for that alone! You do have so wonderful a command of metre. Bit like Yeats. Lyrical; yet muscular with it. The ability to make the reader jolt and sit up by dint of an unexpected sudden turn of phrase. I echo what Sue says. Made me tingle! 
 
Slan!

Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 30th October 2007
On the periphery of my favourite myth. Lovely piece. The atmosphere was built so well, bit of shiver. I think this captures the essence of the Greek myths perfectly - the stories we know don't end, they interweave. All we 'see' when reading a story is a window into a particular time-frame. 
 
I hesitate to comment on poetic technique, but the structure of the first two echoed and reinforced the words so well. Meter and meaning in perfect tandem. 
 
Loved it. 
 
Phil

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item