|
By gutterkitty
|
|
30 October 2007 |
I
They would remember the taste
as bitter, sharp as the swallow of staples.
Though at the time
juice slithered down their chins,
collected in droplets
stippled with seeds. Each piece of fruit
prisoned between teeth
was ginger-spiced, like possibility.
God’s footsteps led to stumbled shuffling,
seeds and discarded hollows of skins
cupped with dust. And tears to make parallel
the lines of sweetness
spilling from the corners of lips.
No, no, it was an accident.
Let us go back. Please?
II
She sat on a chair, made sure
there was no room for him.
He crouched on the floor, took her deadened hand,
made heavy with regret. She stared ahead
as he promised all he couldn’t, rang the air with apologies.
His promises were like bells calling from a distance.
He said he’d pay, buy her ice-cream afterwards.
Anything she wanted. She couldn’t look at him
though she tried to hold him when he cried.
An awkward collision of limbs, him cradling her head,
looking for hope to animate her face.
Her wrists stiff, bound as they were by snakes.
III
At home, she avoids the mirror,
its gaze that makes her feel so old.
A face to make paper blush
the colour of a peach.
She tries not to look at her hands,
tender still with the memories of a lover.
Soon to be calloused
with the toil of the harvest,
days spent clutching the basin,
the cold hard edge of the toilet seat.
No, no, it was an accident.
Let us go back. Please?
|
Written by Fledermaus (3159 comments posted) 30th October 2007 | A subject that seems to come up again and again. I personaly doubt the idea that eating the 'forbidden' fruit was a sin for which humanity was punished. Apart from the fact it is mythology, I supose it was simply a choice which implied leaving Eden. One cannot gain knowledge in paradise. The second part puzzled me a little. For if it was sin, and Eve seduced Adam, then why should he show regret? Perhaps the first part is a bit misleading? An interesting piece, but I can't comment on it fully, as I don't know what it's about. | All About Eve ? Written by patterjack (1053 comments posted) 30th October 2007 | Pardon that irrelevant reference. Neat interaction of the general and particular in an implied narrative which is at the same time chockfull of implied emotional reactons . Email to follow on a minor point .
| Written by Phil (6383 comments posted) 30th October 2007 | For me, the reflection of the first in the last (to an extent) works really well. Elements of the middle verse worked extremely well: His promises were like bells calling from a distance. bound as they were by snakes. Really liked. Phil.
| remorse Written by fellpony (1507 comments posted) 31st October 2007 | | a difficult subject, very competently handled. The third stanza illuminates the second and then the first. So many would-be poets would have gone only for the obvious misery in the third, and started there. You avoided that. Deeply thought through. Well done. | Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 3rd November 2007 | Thanks everyone, glad you liked it. It was one of those ideas that came to me as I was going to bed, and I had to hope that I could hold onto it until the morning. I'm glad I managed it. Fledermaus- this poem was in no way an attempt to tackle a philosophical subject, more a use of a well-known story to draw an emotional comparison. So sorry, but I can't answer your questions! |
Only registered users can rate and write comments. Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |