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Great Writing - Home > Extended > Three accounts of events - part 22
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Extended Work
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| Three accounts of events - part 22 | |
| By teddy | ||||||
| 31 October 2007 | ||||||
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Paul eyed the house warily as he rambled up the entrance steps, its shape stood silent against the night. Inside, the stillness deepened and a twine of angst looped around his brain like a snake ready to bite. ‘Adi?’ he called her mildly pushing the door shut behind him and reaching for the light switch. The hallway emerged to light, but the silence persisted. ‘Adi?’ he called her again moving further inside the hallway, this time his voice raised to a fretful pitch. He stopped by the stairs and stood still for a moment hoping for a reply; when it failed to come, he dashed up the stairs. The shirt collar felt tight around his neck, he slid two fingers under the tie knot and pulled it loose. A cold sweat marched up his back as his feet skipped steps on their way up. Upstairs on the landing, he threw a quick anxious look around before bursting into the master bedroom, a quick clap on the light switch before rushing straight to the wardrobe. With frenzied hands he brusquely pulled the doors open, his eyes searching the inside almost hysterically. A deep sigh escaped his chest while he ran his fingers through his hair: thank God, her clothes were still there. His legs felt slightly unsteady as he sat down on the bed, he lent back and rested his head on the cushion propped against the headboard. For the last two weeks he’d been dreading the moment when he’d would come home to an empty house. Adi was on the verge of breaking down, he knew that, and he’d been wondering how long it would take before she’d pack her bags again and leave, perhaps this time with no reconciliation options left open. If she would, at least, talk to him, but these days she seemed to have locked herself into a shell of silence, and no matter how hard he’d tried she’d been adamant not to let him in. If they spoke, these moments had been rare, her attitude was rather apathetic or, worse, sometimes aggressive. He shifted towards the bedside table and picked up the photo of her and Vicky he kept there. He lay back on the pillow and held the photo up above his face. She looked happy in there, bright gleaming eyes, her face engaged in a light-hearted smile. It was all gone now and she had no one but him to thank for that. He rolled on his side and carefully placed the photo beside him. He pulled the cushion from behind his head and groaned agonisingly when he buried his face onto it. How could he be so utterly stupid? Most men would go astray if they felt deprived at home of things they thought they ought to have. Or sometimes because they were bored and looking for some extramarital challenges to spice up their lives. He didn’t fit either of the scenarios. It was no sexual craving in his case, in that respect Adi was satisfying him more than any other woman had ever done. In bed, she was docile but also adventurous, and her sexual appetite seemed to match his as she had rarely refused him. It was not boredom either, without Adi and Vicky his life would’ve been meaningless and dull, he’d had a taste of it not too long ago when Adi found out about Lisa and left him. He would’ve lost it hadn’t she come back. Why did he have this tendency to ruin everything then? He had no straight answer to that, it was something that surpass him. Adi loved him, he had no doubts about it, she doted on him without demanding much in return. It was just that sometimes she seemed drifted away from him in a world of her own where he wasn’t allowed, and those times he felt pushed away and lonely, and any open door appeared like a warm short-term healing heaven to his frustration. All these women opening up to him - not only Joanne and Lisa, there’d been a couple of others he now hoped Adi would never find out about – as oddly as it might have sounded, gave him the reassurance he was still needed and in control of things. Only that with the last one, Lisa, it had gone terribly wrong. He couldn’t understand why, he’d never been careless, not even in the past when Adi wasn’t yet part of his life. When Adi refused to accompany him to Dublin, he felt neglected. He needed her there, but she didn’t seem prepared to abandon her other commitments and follow him, and that made him angry. Surely he wasn’t asking too much. All right, he understood that Vicky was still small and she needed her mother, but few days away from her couldn’t have possibly hurt her. It certainly hadn’t done him any harm when, he remembered, he’d been left so many times in Sylvia’s, his nanny, care as a child. Back to those days, his dad used to be a busy man with many obligations and his mum had never hesitated to stand by his side regardless the circumstances, entertaining at home, nights out with clients or long business trips, she’d been always there for him, with him. Once in Dublin, facing the first night in months without Adi, when, after the first couple of drinks in the hotel bar, Lisa asked him why his soon-to-be wife hadn’t joined him, his answer emerged open out of all the frustration and anger he’d accumulated since he left home that morning. ‘Because she doesn’t give a fuck about me I suppose.’ This was how he felt that moment and Lisa’s offer to stretch her empathy to his bed seemed a welcoming distraction. A stupid, stupid mistake, he could see that now. But the price he was paying was far too high for the few moments of comfort he’d enjoyed back then. He’d been going through hell for those last two weeks, seeing Adi hurting so much was almost unbearable. And it was all down to him, all his fault. He turned his head to the bedside table; the electronic clock’s display was showing ten minutes before seven. His hand reached inside his trousers pocket and fished out his phone. The call went straight to voicemail when he dialled her number and he wondered where she might be. He scrolled through the phone book until Tina’s name came up on the screen and pressed the call key. At the other end of the line, the phone rang for quite a while before it got answered, with no more luck though, Tina hadn’t seen Adi at all that afternoon and she had no idea where she was. He got up and move to the bathroom. In there, stripped off his clothes, he jumped in the shower letting the warm water jet wash away the panic that had started creeping in again. She couldn’t be that far, she’d be home soon. Out of the bathroom he slipped into a clean pair of jeans and t-shirt before venturing downstairs to the kitchen. He smiled relieved when he picked up the note lying on the kitchen table, ‘We’re out,’ it read. Stupid me, he thought, I should’ve checked in here first. He was in the study trying to kill time with a glass of scotch when he heard the key sliding in the door lock. Placing the drink back on the desk, he got up and strolled to the hallway. ‘I’ll get her,’ he rushed to Adi’s aid; she was struggling through the door holding closely a deep-asleep Vicky. ‘Thank you,’ she muttered depositing the baby into his arms. He lowered his eyes on Vicky’s face. The cold outside had painted two rounds of blush on her cheeks and a much smaller one on the tip of her nose. He smiled warmly, stroking a thumb over her hair. Oblivious to the world around her, she was sleeping calmly, her head slightly slumped to her right and a spot of blissful smile hanging in the corner of her mouth. ‘Shall I take her upstairs?’ he raised his face to look at Adi. ‘Yes, please,’ she nodded. Compliantly, carefully cuddling Vicky to his chest, he sauntered up the stairs. In the nursery, after laying her in her coat, he stepped aside letting Adi getting her ready for bed. ‘Night night, baby,’ Adi whispered leaning over and brushing a kiss on Vicky’s forehead while tucking a tiny blanket around her. She left the room quietly, not before throwing a cautious look around as if she wanted to make sure that there was nothing in there to disturb Vicky’s sleep, and he followed her into their bedroom. He sat down on the bed and watched as she, standing by the wardrobe with her back turned at him, stripped off to her underwear. For a moment he wondered if she was doing it intentionally, knowing what this was doing to him. It’d been a long time since he was last allowed to get close and he was aching to touch her. He stared at her half naked body, young slender muscles stretched and curved around long slim bones, impervious to those signs of flabbiness that women as premature as in their early twenties would start complaining about. It was true, she was painfully thin these days, but her beauty was still unperturbed. ‘Where have you been?’ he broke the silence in an attempt to oppress his lust. ‘Out,’ she replied blankly, collecting her bathrobe nonchalantly from the wardrobe door and wrapping it around her. ‘Out where?’ he asked, a scuff of annoyance spiking his voice. She shrugged. ‘Just out. Isn’t that enough?’ His irritation grew higher as she moved towards the bathroom door. ‘You weren’t at Tina’s.’ She stopped and turned to him, her forehead creased. ‘What is this? Some sort of interrogation? Am I not even allowed to go out on my own anymore? I don’t recall you giving me accounts of your whereabouts when you disappear God knows where.’ He opened his mouth ready for a snappy reply, after a second thought he bit his lip and muttered an ‘I’m sorry.’ He felt tired of fighting, he just wanted her back. The look in her eyes mellowed and her face relaxed. ‘I haven’t cooked anything for dinner,’ she said quietly. ‘There’s some pasta left from last night,’ she paused and frowned for a second as if she’d just remembered that he wasn’t exactly a big fan of leftover food. ‘Or I can make you a sandwich.’ ‘It’s ok, thanks,’ he shook his head. ‘I’ll get something myself.’ ‘Ok,’ she shrugged and disappeared into the bathroom. He loitered around the room for another couple of minutes after she was gone before deciding to go downstairs and order a pizza. Half an hour later, after the pizza boy arrived, he went back upstairs to see if Adi wanted to share his dinner with him. As he reached the top of the stairs, he frowned gaping at the ajar bedroom door: the room was quiet and sunk in dark. As he got closer, the stream of light creeping in from the hallway gave away Adi’s shape curled under the duvet. She looked asleep and he decided not to disturb her. She hadn’t been resting properly for the last couple of weeks, most nights he could feel her fidgeting beside him in bed for ages before drifting off. Before moving back downstairs, he decided to check up on Vicky and strolled quietly into her room. Lying on her front, with her bum slightly sticking out in the air and her two little fists guarding each side of her head, she was sleeping without a care in world. He lent over and stroked her hair gently, brushing away a disobedient curl of her forehead. Watching her unconsciously creasing her nose at the touch of his hand, he wondered how he could possibly neglect her for so long. Until two weeks ago he’d tried to convince himself that making sure she was safe and had everything she needed, giving her a little of his time everyday counted as enough to make a good father. The truth was he was frightened of her. Vicky seemed to have so much personality for such a tiny human being. Was he rising up to her expectations? What if she wasn’t going to love him, let him get close to her the same way he’d seen her with George? Indifference seemed a better option than rejection and he’d chosen the former. The shock brought up by the prospective of fathering Lisa’s baby suddenly twisted his conviction: he already had a child who needed him, he didn’t want another one, not with a woman he didn’t love. He just hoped the amendments he was trying to make now towards Vicky weren’t coming too late. ‘Night, baby girl,’ he whispered, bending over the cot and placing a kiss on her cheek, ‘I hope you at least are getting a good night sleep.’ * A soft touch on his bare arms made him open his eyes. For a second he gazed confused at the TV screen flashing random images across the room. He must’ve fallen asleep. He turned his head and looked up at Adi, who was standing next to the settee, staring at him. ‘I’m sorry, she murmured, her hand dropping the corner of the blanket she’d just draped over him, ‘I thought you might be cold.’ She was wearing only a slim nightdress, her feet bare, and was slightly shivering. Instinctively, he stretched across and took her hand. ‘Come here,’ he said lifting up one side of the cover and moving back towards the back of the settee. He held his breath for a second watching the embarrassed look grown on her face. A sigh of relief roused his chest slightly when she slipped beside him under the blanket. ‘Why didn’t you come to bed?’ she asked quietly when he wrapped his arm around her. ‘Dunno,’ he shrugged burying his face onto the soft area lined between her shoulder and her neck. ‘I thought you don’t want me in there anymore.’ ‘It’s your bed, stupid,’ she muttered. He smiled, for the first time in the last two weeks her voice was stripped of any sharpen nuances. ‘Hmmm,’ he muffled breathing in the sweet smell of soap and winter sleep lingering over her skin ‘not anymore when you spread out all over it.’ ‘I never,’ she put on a slighted tone. ‘Yes, you do. Sometimes I look at you and think ‘God, if she moves one more inch she’s going to push me down on the floor.’’ ‘Ha,’ she stirred, the tone in her voice almost reversed to its usual wit, ‘look who’s talking! I always wake up with you on top of me, sometimes I can’t even breath properly because of you.’ ‘How do you mean?’ He raised his head and made a face at her. Before she had a chance to reply, he quickly shifted and with a brusque move, his arm pulled her underneath him. ‘Like this?’ She went soft when his lips sauntered along her face and down on her neck, and closed her eyes when he slipped his hands under her nightdress, and for a moment he worried he might have been too hasty. ‘Adi,’ he called her softly. She opened her eyes and looked at him. ‘Let me in, sweetheart,’ he begged brushing his lips over hers. ‘Please, let me in.’ He knew he was pushing his luck, but he had to try, he was craving for her. He felt her warm and open beneath him, she moaned quietly when he slid between her legs. This time she let him go all the way.
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