I think myself that this is a rather "old-fashioned" poem, both because it actually did happen, and because I'm not sure if modern children would appreciate such a story. The style in which I have done the rhyming lines is a bit "old fashioned" too, I think, but I felt it was right for this sort of story. But I await to hear from any kind reviewers what their opinions are. This happened at our house when I was a child.
The winter was as cold as a winter could be
And icicles hung from every tree
And everyone tried to keep warm.
A cat and a dog and some bantams, three
Lived at a house with a kind family,
And the bantams roamed the garden free
And everyone tried to keep warm.
The bantams looked cold and the kind lady said:
“You can sleep in the house in your own little bed.
In this cold winter weather we don’t want you dead.
So sleep in my kitchen so warm.”
So, tucked in their box, away from Fred Fox,
Slept the two little animals, hens and brown cock –
And nothing disturbed them – not even the clock
In our kitchen, so lovely and warm.
Then early next day they’d arise and away –
And it was so lovely, I really must say
For a dog. a cat and some bantams to play
Then return to the kitchen so warm.
Copyright 2007
www.whiteheadm.co.uk
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Written by tpowell (105 comments posted) 5th November 2007 | Hi Josie
This had a lovely sing-song quality that reminded me so much of nursery rhymes. I really liked it and I think children would too.
Tracey | The Truth
Written by Josie (2721 comments posted) 6th November 2007 | | 1963 was the longest, coldest winter that I ever remember. This story is true. We lived in an old farmhouse type house (Oldswinford, Stourbridge), and there was 3/4 acre of garden. 100 hens went with the sale of the house. They lived their lives out happily and were buried one by one in the orchard. My brother then bought the 3 bantams (2 females and 1 male) and they did sleep in their box in the kitchen by the aga cooker in this dreadful winter. They did roam the garden freely, but never wanted to leave as they knew where they were well off. We loved them all dearly. At my present home, they have been replaced by wild ducks and moorhens who live on the lake in the convent behind our home. I found Lily (mother duck) under my table one day. They'll come in if the back door is left open. They all know their names and come when called. | I like it!
Written by seaJane (23 comments posted) 6th November 2007 | Josie,
I really like that, it has a lovely lilting rhythm which escapes sounding mechanical and is really set off by the change in pace at the last line of each stanza.
I could see it as a picture book (two lines per spread and the preliminaries) - perhaps you should look for an illustrator!
Jane | To SeaJane
Written by Josie (2721 comments posted) 7th November 2007 | | Thanks for your comments. As I say, I think this poem is a little old fashioned, but it is my style which I like, and, like old clothes, if you wait, the fashions change again. . Perhaps the publishers will chase me then. ha ha - but too late, I will be dead and never know. As for the picture book idea, I think this would be wonderful. I quite agree with you, but I think this could happen with lots of my story poems. The Autumn Visit on page 2 here, would be an ideal candidate too, as would The Winter Picnic, Jack Frost and many of my animal story poems, eg Eril the Ostrich, Brian the Lion, Tragedy at Mini Beastie Hall etc. Any ideas of publishers to approach? So far I've just published them on my own website (Google - Josie Whitehead). | Great Images
Written by HighTreason (7 comments posted) 14th November 2007 | | I really liked the images and emotions evoked by this poem. It has a very cozy feel to it. I like it a lot. I think there are a couple small problems with the meter, especially in the last two lines, and if it flowed better, it would have a more powerful ending. The second line doesn't quite seem to flow right to me either, but I don't see any problems with the meter elsewhere. It's very good, and would fit nicely in a book of children's verse or a picture book. Thanks for posting it. | To High Treason
Written by Josie (2721 comments posted) 14th November 2007 | | I'm so glad that you pointed out the last two lines, for as soon as I looked at them I saw what you meant and changed it. Just a small adjustment, that's all it took. Thank you. This is a very old poem. In fact I wrote it about 12 years ago when I was very new to writing poems. I didn't do any more until last year, and now there are over 300 on my website. It is addictive, but it's difficult to think of new subjects. ha ha. |
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