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By Ghost
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13 November 2007 |
Drifting like a Loggerhead turtle
Tranquil waters of aquamarine
Immersed in cool saturation
Liquid heaven of pure hippocrene
Reef mysterious landscapes
Geologic formations of time
Intricate gardens of coral
Ecosystems diverse and sublime
A myriad of tropical alien
Shoals of meandering play
The shifting sands of ocean floor
Frequented by slumbering ray
Scurries of briny crustacean
Seek refuge in makeshift abode
A scuttled shipwreck of decadence
Lies anchored in silent corrode
Through aqueous dappled sunlight
Marauding seaweed ornate
Coasting like immigrant driftwood
Till my troubles no longer dictate
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Written by WildeThing (6 comments posted) 13th November 2007 | I recently went to the aquarium, so I was excited to see this poem up. I read it aloud, and it sounds great. The rhyme and metre work beautifully, in my opinion. I love your play with language. My favorite line:
"Shoals of meandering play"
It has abstract meaning (even though I think everyone can access it), but still has concrete emotion. It's something that tracks throughout the poem. Very nice. |
Written by Phil (6836 comments posted) 13th November 2007 | I liked this more as I read on. Easy, steady rhythm works well. I think it read better in the latter parts as your lines were not individual. While the first ten lnes sem to exist in isolation, the second ten carried over in pairs and worked much better. That also helped the rhythm - less staccato (sp?)
Phil. |
Written by Fledermaus (3448 comments posted) 13th November 2007 | | Very nice. Lots of descriptions and interesting metaphors. Liked it as lot. |
Written by audrie (454 comments posted) 14th November 2007 | I loved this poem, in fact, I have gone back to read the others you have written, as I haven't logged on for a while.
You have a gift for description, and made me feel I was there, diving with you - or possibly the turtle! Wonderful. | snorkel
Written by marywood18 (1 comments posted) 15th November 2007 | | A poem with a story. It took you to the depths, not only of the sea but of feelings. Well done. Keep writing, for us to enjoy. | snorkel omg
Written by mrsdecember29 (10 comments posted) 6th December 2007 |  omg ui loved this poem it really spoke to me and i thought thatthis was amazing i was my favorite poem ever i loved this.it made me feel as though i was at the beach well done Aplus |
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