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The Earth is flat
By Snodlander
14 November 2007
In a forum far, far away, I have been debating religion and science.  I cannot, it appears, believe in both the Christian faith and evolution.  I won't reveal the nationality of my protagonists, for fear of offending my American friends.  I like sharing and hearing beliefs.  I respect people's faith or lack thereof.  But wooly, circular logic irritates me.  Yes, I know that some of you believe any religious faith is automatically proof of wooly logic.  Wait, let me dig out the maths to prove it.

The world is flat.  It is inconceivable for it to be any other shape.  Consider:  wherever you go, the land is either flat, or for every upward slope there is a downward one.  Up and Down are defined as being perpendicular to the ground.

 

Some will try to lead you astray.  Some will tell you that it is an orb, a sphere, a vast ball spinning suspended in space.  These are wicked liars, though they may appear good.  They may even believe themselves to be good, but this just means that they lie to themselves as well as to others.

 

The Book of Azthul states, ‘To the corners of the world is my realm.’  How many spheres have you seen that have corners?  This proves it nonsense.  If it were a ball, then as we walked in any given direction, the slope would increase until it would be impossible to hang on, and we would slide to our doom.  Instead, walk the length and breadth of His realm.  Hills and valleys not withstanding, it is flat.  If you are unsure of the veracity of the Book of Azthul, then believe in the testimony of your senses.  There is no curvature to indicate we are ants on a child’s play ball.

 

“Why then do we not fall of the edge?” cry the unbelievers (and many are the voices that cry out against the Book of Azthul).  Again the Book of Azthul states, “Round about My children I have set a boundary, and beyond My girdle neither can they go nor perceive.”  If we were to stand on the edge and look out at the horror of the void, we would be driven mad.  He knows what is good for us, and cares for us as a father would a child.  It is not for us to attempt to know what has been forbidden us.

 

“How is it we can travel around the world?” they ask.  This is a question they should ask pilots of aircraft.  Ask a commercial aircraft pilot about the routes they fly from one side of the world to the other.  They will tell you that they do not fly in a straight line, but a curve.  Of course it is a curve, because they cannot cross the boundary placed there to hide the edge from us.  Their logic is confused, and as circular as their ‘round world’ journeys.

 

They will try and convince you that this so-called sphere spins at thousands of miles an hour, giving the illusion that the celestial bodies move across our skies.  Go to a child’s playground.  Take a few spins on the roundabout.  Even at ten miles an hour, a few revolutions will make you sick and giddy.  The wind blows in your face and your hair streams out behind you.  Can you imagine the impossibility of life if we were on a body spinning at thousands of miles an hour?  We would fight against a wind strong beyond belief.  We would be flung into the void, never to be seen again.

 

No, the world is flat.  That is what the Book of Azthul tells us, and that is what our sense and common sense tells us, and if they were honest, that is what science tells us too.

Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3238 comments posted) 14th November 2007
Although I do not claim the earth is flat, there is another side to the same coin, namely that many people nowadays accept the world is a sphere and revolves around the sun without ever questioning it. To me that seems just as ignorant as accepting the world is flat and the centre of the earth without questioning it. It's simply behaving like a parrot. 
 
Many people claim science is superior to religion while they meanwhile treat science as if it is a religion! They hold scientific theories as dogmas and forget that the main pillar of science is to doubt and question rather than to simply believe anything. 
 
As for the corners of the world: I don't know the book you mention, but did your characters ever see a medieval worldmap? It's a disc... (and meanwhile all through the Middle ages, educated people already asumed it was a sphere)... 
 
I like the way you put down the bad reasoning and the dogmatic beliefs of your main character, yet unfortunately the same attitude goes for many people who are not ridiculed, just because their believes happen to be those of the majority. 
 
A truly scientific approach would never claim truth, just try to disprove theories...
Correction
Written by Fledermaus (3238 comments posted) 14th November 2007
Uh.. center of the universe. Not earth :p 
 
And I do believe the world is spherical and revolves around the sun, but I do not claim that to be the truth...

Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 14th November 2007
If it's written in the book of Azthul then it is the truth, at least that's what an Azthul witness told me last Sudnesday. 
I, on the other hand, believe that the earth is a disc and that the landmasses are fluid and ooze across it's surface. 
 
Was it irony you were after? 
 
All the best, 
steve.

Written by Fledermaus (3238 comments posted) 14th November 2007
"I, on the other hand, believe that the earth is a disc." 
... on the back of four elephants standing on a giant turtle. 
 
Which is what the great Terry Pratched wrote and what he writes is truth :p

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3298 comments posted) 14th November 2007
I don't claim that religious belief is proof of wooly thinking but actually a diesased mind, not that I'm prejudiced just intolerant. 
I thought this was a very clever piece. I loved the plausible but slightly pschotic arguements that were employed. And, your'e right, they all have a "book" to quote that is the final say on things which is useful if you don't have a logical answer for things. It was weird it all sounde oddly familiar, only the names had changed. 
Jane 
P.S for Fledermaus, he wrote 
"many people nowadays accept the world is a sphere and revolves around the sun without ever questioning it" 
Yes, that's because IT BLOODY WELL DOES. It just does.
BBS
Written by Fledermaus (3238 comments posted) 14th November 2007
"Yes, that's because IT BLOODY WELL DOES. It just does." 
 
How do you know? Have you checked it? That's the whole point I tried to make: Yes, it's plausible, yes it's what I believe too, but I have not checked it for myself and hence do not have proof. In fact I think I could even defend the claim the whole universe revolves around earth (or the moon, or Jupiter or ISS or whatever object in space). 
 
" It just does." sounds like "...because it's written in the Book of Atzul". Thanks for illustrating exactly what I meant ;) 

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3298 comments posted) 15th November 2007
Ok if you want chapter and verse on the subject, Fledermaus- then it's 3rd testmament,of the second book,chapter 14,Azthul's email to the deeply gullible wherein he says 
"And to those who have verily doubted the words of Azthul all about the round earth thingy my answer is;- It bloody well does, it just does,OK?....." 
The verse goes on a bit more but that is the salient point. 
Aplogies to Snoddy,here
Ooooooooh!
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 15th November 2007
Yup. Got it in one, Bob!!! Fuck the fuckin' Book of Azthul an' all that's fuckin' in it. 
 
Belongs with the teenyboppers top ten tits up f' Tinsletown. 
 
Mind, I do think you have got one thing absoutley right: If the world were square we would all fall off the edge!!! Right!? Its frightening really!!!!! Bang on f' realisin' this!!! 
 
T'all GW mouncers. Read Bob!! Its staggerin' what yous learn!!!  
 
Lovely Bob; really lovely! Seriously. Lovely 
 
Slan! 
 
My fondest compliments to you

Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 15th November 2007
A good read, amusing, but due to personal history, a little chilling too. Those all too easy platitudes and semi-plausible sounding methods of argument are still used by intellectually challenged headcases. Bugger putting more tax on lager, tax the church. 
 
Well written, cleverly done. 
 
Phil.

Written by Lizzy (783 comments posted) 16th November 2007
Yes quite scary. 
Isn't there a group in the dark depths of America who are 'flat earthers' 
A well written piece, the 'voice' was just right. 
Lizzy

Written by stevetroster (1549 comments posted) 17th November 2007
Dear Azthul!!! 
Who says that eloquence is a dying art form? 
Where can I find a translator?? 
 
Slainte Mhath, dear Robert.
Hmmm
Written by book_worm (13 comments posted) 22nd February 2008
Always good to read the word of Snod :)  
 
And always good to read something that makes you think and ask a question! How can you believe in something that has never been personally proved? By taking the words of others as gospel? 
 
Try Ezekial (I think) which mentions "space ships" as I recall. 
 
Like the piece, like the question.

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