|
| READING ROOM | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
|
| COMMUNITY | |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
| ABOUT GREAT WRITING | ||
|---|---|---|
|
| WORK AWAITING REVIEW |
|---|
|
| GW IS... |
|---|
|
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas
and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur
authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry
Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you
can make new friends and improve your creative writing. |
| WHO'S ONLINE |
|---|
| We have 1182 guests online and 2 members online |
| print friendly version | |
| The Hunt | |
| By Scrawl | ||||||||||
| 15 November 2007 | ||||||||||
|
This piece follows on from my first one and is all about the hunt that the protagonist was in the mood for. I'm not entirely sure that it's finished properly, but I'd appreciate any feedback anyway. This piece is longer, is not in arial black or bold, and allows a little more insight into the character. (I think). Hank parked the car in the lot behind the bar, got out, locked up and sauntered towards the door. Although he wasn’t yet eighteen he was admitted without comment, he was big enough to be legal, he looked legal and he obviously had money. In fact, Hank had everything he wanted. If he wanted it, Daddy paid for it. He even had his own apartment. Life was good. Hank liked the seedier bars, it was easier to get willing girls and at six feet four with the build of a football player, he wasn’t easily frightened. He often joked that he wasn’t afraid of the dark because he was the biggest, baddest thing in it. He was wrong, but he didn’t know that. Yet. Inside the bar was poorly lit and a small, circular stage, was surrounded by chairs and tables. Hank bought himself a beer and chose a table that would have a good view but, once the stage lights were on, couldn’t be seen too clearly. He liked the idea that he could see them and they couldn’t see him. Over the next half hour the seats and tables filled up with men and beer glasses respectively. Barmaids started to clear away the empties and take orders, and then the stage lights came on. Music began to play from a music system that had seen better days, and the first girl took to the stage. She did her number then left, the barmaids circulated more beer. Hank smiled to himself and fondled the barmaid while he ordered a beer, she didn’t object. The music changed to a slow, moody number and the bar went quiet. That usually meant a new girl or a special. A low murmur passed through the crowd as large, muscled men politely requested a few patrons to leave and, after they did, locked the doors. The music picked up and the girls came onto the stage. Hank looked at the girls and smiled to himself, he knew them both and he knew that they were both younger than he was. The girls started dancing, and then stripping each other, the younger girl was naked first. Once the older girl was naked it should have ended, it didn’t. They went into a sex show as a voice announced that both girls were to be auctioned for the evening, singly or together. The sex show continued through the bidding, which got fairly outrageous, Hank had no worries. He got more money in a week than these guys earned in a month; he wasn’t surprised when he won the bidding war. He made his way to the basement level changing rooms that the girls would be using, on the way he arranged for them to arrive dressed. He sat out of sight of the door, tonight would be fun. The girls arrived at the changing room excited about how high the bidding had gone, after all they would get ten percent. They walked in looking for the client, and once they closed the door they saw him. Their smiles vanished. They knew him. He knew their real names. Hank smiled. As he pushed the younger girl to her knees and explained in detail what he wanted from her and her sister, he decided that this would be a perfect night. Outside the bar, I waited for my chance. He would have to come out sooner or later, as it turned out it was later which suited me fine. I watched the patrons trickle out of the bar and head home, then the lights dimmed and the staff began to leave. I calmly slashed Hank’s tyres. Finally the two girls came out followed by Hank and another man; I smiled as they left with the older man. Hank walked to his car as the two girls and the older man drove off in an old pick-up. His reaction was predictable, he cursed and threatened and demanded that if whoever had done it was still around they come out and fight like a man. He was angry. I lobbed a stone through his windshield. As it cracked, he spun and ran towards where he thought the stone had come from, cursing. I moved to a different vantage point. Unable to find anyone he came stomping back to the car. Now to begin in earnest. First I sent a small stone into his back, irritating rather than painful. He bellowed out his challenge again. I sent the next stone into his headlamp; the broken glass would be useful. I reached out mentally again, took up a sliver of glass and slashed his shirt. He cursed, but his voice was no longer as confident as it had been. I slashed again, drawing blood. He ran for the car, fumbled out his keys and let himself in; I slashed his arm first then the upholstery. He let the keys go, bad mistake. I mentally grabbed them and hurled them into the dark. Showing an intelligence that I wouldn’t have given him credit for Hank slammed the car door, locked it and stayed sitting in the car. I made my way to the car and tapped on the roof, he almost jumped out of his seat. I dangled a set of keys – not his – and smiled inquisitively. He opened the door. I lunged, baring my fangs. Dinner is served.
Only registered users can rate and write comments. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
||||||||||
|
Next item
|
|---|