|
By gutterkitty
|
|
16 November 2007 |
Still in the process of being written.
Hopefully makes more sense than some of my other recent pieces.
She reclines into the shimmer
of the magazine,
lids half-closed,
lips slackened to a bow.
Across the months
she is a butterfly
winged with chiffon.
A page prowling leopard
with fiercely kohl-striped eyes.
A Londoner, arm raised past
spider-legged lashes
in a black cab salute.
But though parties blur
at the edges of her hips,
and landscapes fall
at the sweep of her hair,
she cannot be grasped.
Her fingers slip
from the corners of the page.
She can’t climb out;
a chameleon trapped by glass.
Her silhouette fades
into February’s issue,
eyes glide past her reaching hand.
A licked finger won’t hesitate
to watermark her cheek,
and fold her into forgotten.
|
Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 16th November 2007 | | Anolther picture painted gutterkitty - and so beautifully. You have a gift for painting scenes with words. | Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 16th November 2007 | I like the way this twisted from my initial impression. Something a little detached in the feel of this, but then that suits the subject well. Phil. | Nice Written by Ghost (21 comments posted) 16th November 2007 | | Some very inspiring writing here, nice work gutterkitty. | I won't mentions short lines Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 16th November 2007 | and I would add she cannot be grasped.with its conclusive full stop , to the previous stanza . Great images , and a very very meaningful final stanza. patterjack
| A lot of softness Written by bwoz (125 comments posted) 16th November 2007 | I read first and last stanza separately, and they work well together. Maybe consider rearranging stanzas, or just go with first and last and see how that reads. The other middle stanza are very, very warm and fuzzy, but do not appeal to me, but I'm just an old mechanic so what the heck to I know about hampsters. BW | Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 17th November 2007 | Thanks everyone this was one of those 1am writes, so it's nice to know it was worth getting out of bed for. Phil- I'd be interested to know what your first impressions were. Surprisingly enough, I don't usually intend to mislead people... Brian- haha thank-you, I won't mention your long ones. I'll think about moving the line. The idea of having it in the next stanza was to illustrate the gap between the girl and the (metaphorical) hand that cannot grasp her. BW- a hamster?! This poem is about a model, I've never owned a hamster! |
Only registered users can rate and write comments. Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |