Quicklinks:
Short S. | Poetry | Not News | Scripts | Comedy | Non-Fiction | SF | Crime | For Kids | Extended | Village
Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Without You
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1341 guests online and 4 members online
Poetry
print friendly version     
Without You
By JohnFHamill
16 November 2007


Without you the summer will be long
If you think I'll forget you you are wrong
Without you I'll be all alone
But at least I can talk to you on the phone

I am yours and you are mine
I'll think about you all the time
You and me and me and you
Together we will see this through

And you have no need to fear
If you need me I'll be here
If you need me I'll be there
To let you know I'll always care

Reviews

Written by Josie (2780 comments posted) 16th November 2007
It is always sad when one person tries to force their beliefs on another and dominates them. It sounds as if you were really responsible. Perhaps mother would be happier if she knew you were married, so why not pop the question and put an end to all her worries? This is how it always used to be and it worked so well. In my case we have been married almost 40 years very happily. Now - to the next part of the story - - - - we wait with interest.

Written by Fledermaus (3246 comments posted) 16th November 2007
Hm... In spite of the common belief, I do not think the Vatican outlawed protection. For what I know Benedict XVI himself was going to consider the matter as to wether it is allowed or not, for it was a bit undecided. Although somehow I don't think such theological questions were the mother's main concern...  
 
The rhyme is nice, but it also makes this poem sound a bit awkward.
Work on it
Written by bwoz (125 comments posted) 16th November 2007
John, 
 
I think this poem would work better, much better, if you forgot about capturing rhyme. It seems very clumsy, like you tried to make rhyme, so you had to use certain words. Metrical poetry if very difficult to do well, for most writers.  
 
I don't get into the religious aspect of poetry, just look for something that touches a nerve in me.  
 
Of course, this is all just my own opinion, and you don't have to change a thing, but I think if you remove the emotions you have about that situation and write about it like you witnessed it from outside yourself it will help the reader feel more attachment to the situtation. 
 
Keep writing 
 
BW

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!
 Previous item   Next item
This site is copyright 2005 - 2007 Great Writing. Work submitted by members remains the copyright of the respective authors.
See our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.