Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Spanish Moss
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1632 guests online and 6 members online
Poetry
Spanish Moss
By bwoz
16 November 2007

Aunt Liona said “when that Spanish moss sway

in the dead-calm air like that it mean the Lord calling someone home”.

She rose from her porch rocker and went in to the kitchen.

 

I stayed on the porch with Gran-ma, held her hand,

watched for the moss to move. Tall weeds

tapped against the nailed-shut bedroom window,

so weather stained and cob webbed and greasy with age.

 

“Thistles! Thistles!” Gran-ma’s raspy words were

whispers at first, then filled the dead-calm of my own thoughts.

Her mouth trembled for more words to say; her watery eyes,

still clear and starlit, gazed across the years.

 

She drifted back just then, to the tilled rows of new fields

where her girl-self flew kites. No cobwebs out there.

She smiled and let out more twine.


I forgot to mention, this is a revised version of a previous posting from last February, it was called "Homebound". There were some good comments that prompted this version. Hopefully more better, yes?

thanks
BW

Reviews
Reads very well
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 16th November 2007
and a very touching piece . 
 
Not sure about your double comparative comment -- :grin -- but I confess i am a bit of a grammar Nazi 
 
patterjack

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 17th November 2007
Yep, reads well. It does paint a clear (sepia like) picture/capture a moment - yet at he same time, flows across experiences, fears and hopes. 
 
Liked it. 
 
Phil.

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 17th November 2007
Agree with Brian and Phil, a very effective piece in terms of physical and metaphorical image. Like the way that it says a lot without being overly sentimental.  
A few pointers: "into" is one word, and take out the "so" of the last line of the second stanza for greater compression.

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item