& The Phone Rang - Great Writing Creative Writing Community

Quicklinks:

Great Writing - Home > Poetry > & The Phone Rang

READING ROOM

Great Writing - Home

Read and review others' work

Articles on writing

Advice from the community

COMMUNITY

Talk to others in the forums

Events and Competitions

GW News

ABOUT GREAT WRITING

All About Us

WORK AWAITING REVIEW
This list is randomly generated from all our published works. Colourful by pasinger Huge Deposit of Money Fo... by Livinginanattic The Guardian by Leo The Three Little Bears. by ReflectingGod Wars Reflection Chapter ... by Dragonshadow First time drinker by JohnFHamill Empty words by Fledermaus Fire by LilGryphMaster Paco Rabanne's new look by Snodlander Another chance to love h... by LynB

GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.

WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1601 guests online and 1 member online Katanga

Poetry


print friendly version
& The Phone Rang

By ericthered

14 September 2005

Ever get that feeling that something is incredibly wrong...

The phone rang I felt apprehensive.

All day long I'd felt quite pensive.

The feeling of being stalked.

As home alone I walked.

Hidden eyes watching from the bush

My heart beat fast my blood did rush.

When I got home I locked the door tight.

Couldn't shake the feeling something's not right.

Someone's watching me now....

I clutched at my knees, sat under the table

I wanted to move but wasn't quite able.

Then the phone rang again, something's not right.

So I sat paralysed, fear gripping me tight.

With false bravado I said: 'don't be a fool'

As I started to move and gather my cool.

Up I stood and looked at the ringing phone.

Knowing I was being watched in my own home.

The phone flashed red, again it rang

My ears filled with blood and sang.

So I reached forward with my sweating palm.

Towards the phone slowly moving my arm.

Then the phone again rang, rang again, again rang....

Reviews

Darned phone
Written by Sweetheart (14 comments posted) 27th September 2005

and when you did answer it it was a double glazing firm ....right?

good sense of being unsettled but a little cliche (ish) in places, I felt, but thats only my opinion of course. ie, hidden eyes watching from the bush and clutched at my knees, - under the table. I think you could change them but you choose what?

Written by Sweetheart (14 comments posted) 27th September 2005

Sorry reading this again, I feel I have dwelt on the negative side, when in fact it is rather a good description of being 'paranoid' - I just feel it could be 'sharpened' and Iam sure you could do it, make it a little more 'edgy' so to speak!

Written by Missinginaction (37 comments posted) 9th October 2005

Sweetheart's right - it's full of cliches. Dump the rhymes, Eric - they are forcing you into a corner on word choice. Thanks for the read.

- Missing

Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.

Previous item		Next item