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Poetry
Enchanted Forest
By Ghost
19 November 2007
Sacred horn of unicorn
Enchanted forest of old
Oh gypsy king such woe you bring
With prophecy foretold
Beyond castle gates the princess waits
In soaring towers high
Till free again her tears be rain
Cascading from the sky
With deep remorse on strident horse
Rides hope from beyond the pale
From distant land with sword in hand
Oh gallant one we hail
From misty lake his soul to take
The temptress shall appear
May hell collide if she’s denied
The pleasure of his fear
On tenterhook recite the book
From beyond the seven seas
Oh potent verse dispel the curse
Redeem the wise old trees
The beast be slain rejoice again
The forest be reconciled
Now close your eyes neath starry skies
Sleep tight my urchin child

Reviews

Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 21st November 2007
Hello Ghost: You have all the makings of a poem that a child would love, but - I hope you don't mind - I would suggest that you write it as a story with a beginning, a middle and an ending. Well, the ending is quite clear. You have displayed too many facts higgledy-piggledy with no link between each. For example, what beast has been slain and for what reason? I think that, although you have wonderful rhythm and rhyme in your poem, it should also be divided into four line stanzas, each one leading on from the other. Children love these make-believe places and stories, but just dropping in things like "recite the book" would puzzle them. Why not make it clear what the book is. I think you could make this a fantastic poem in every sense with a little work.
Thank You
Written by Ghost (21 comments posted) 21st November 2007
Thank You Josie 
I take all comments on board, when you say story, do you mean keep it as a poem but with more detail. 
 
Cheers Ghost

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