Continuing on with an extended experiment in memoir writing.
A Surrey Idyll
1975 was the year I went back to school, or rather, Brooklands, a technical college secreted within the semi-rural beauty of Weybridge in the furthermost reaches of suburban south west London. There I enjoyed a very full and idyllically pleasant social life for nearly two years. My self-defence, guitar and swimming classes had long dried up, but I persisted with the private tuition, notably in Richmond, Surrey, with a charismatic Welsh Londoner, Michael G. who was a successful musician as well as a teacher, and still is. He exerted a strong influence on me in terms of my already passionate interest in European, and specifically Spanish, literature. Michael was also complimentary about my writing style, encouraging me in a passion that was ultimately to career out of control so that I was unable to finish project after project due to my feverish cacoethes scribendi.
From Edinburgh to Amsterdam
1975 was also a distinctly maritime year for me, and no sooner had one sea voyage finished than it seemed that I was setting sail again. The first of the lengthy series of sea trips that punctuated the year was destination Amsterdam via Edinburgh and northern France on the square rigger TS Churchill of the Sail Training Association. Among my shipmates were, apart from my 17 year old brother, several young men from Scotland and the north of England, a couple of youthful naval ratings, perhaps more, a handful of "mates" who'd been given authority over the rank and file of deck hands, and the smoothly elegant captain, who also happened to be an alumnus of Pangbourne College. It was an all-male crew, and I was initially quite well-liked, but I struggled to remain so. However, a southern lad with dark shoulder length hair a little like the young Jack Wild remained quite loyal to me after we'd bonded over an attempt at romancing two girls during a brief stay in France. It was a tough experience...what with the storms, which saw seamen sprawled all over the deck being violently ill attached to the ship only by safety belts, and which resulted in us being roused out of our hammocks in the middle of the night on more than one occasion to help trim the sails or something similar, but it should have been character-shaping, and probably was. However, I only climbed the rigging on a single occasion, and that was just before we entered the port of Amsterdam...which was marked by the kind of overt fleshliness I'd witnessed the year before in Hamburg. As for Edinburgh, I remember being warned not to strut about in a striped college-style blazer with jeans tucked into long white socks, this either in our first or second stay in the city. Wise words of warning, because while Edinburgh may be one of the most beautiful and cultured capitals in Europe, it's still a pretty tough town. However, I refused to listen, and was duly rewarded with quite a hairy situation in an inner city public house, not the sort of place to play the little English fop. No sooner had I set foot in the said pub when I was greeted by a question on the part of a hard man with longish curly hair wearing what I remember to have been a deeply menacing smile along the lines of: "Y'all right, shun, are you frae Oxford then?". Somehow I succeeded in talking my way out of trouble, but it was probably a close run thing.
In the Waters of the Kiel Canal
Within a few short weeks of our returning to London by train from Edinburgh, my brother and I were onboard ship again, this time a yacht taking us to the Baltic coast of Denmark via Germany's famous Kiel Canal as part of the Ocean Youth Club, and once more we were supervised by "mates", or the equivalent. We wasted little time in recruiting a kindly young man by the name of Simon from Wotton-under-the Edge in the county of Gloucerstershire as our closest friend, and soon after setting foot on Danish soil all three of us sought out the company of two classically Scandinavian blondes. This caused the Captain, who was a true character, warm, eccentric and funny, to remonstrate with us in a tongue in cheek manner about selfishly keeping our dates to ourselves. Little could he have known how innocent our efforts at romance had in fact been.
A somewhat less than sweet and innocent incident occurred towards the end of the trip, which saw me in pursuit of a pretty German girl, Bettiner. I liked her so much, and she clearly liked me, and yet I'd senselessly abandoned her for the sake of a night's drunken tomfoolery with my brother and Simon. Suddenly overtaken by desperate remorse, I set out to search for her, and at some point during my travels, while walking along some kind of wooden pontoon I lost my footing and fell fully clothed into the waters of what must have been Kiel Canal. I wrote to Bettiner, but she never wrote back, and I can't say I blame her.
The Sweetness of Wrens
It was later in the year I think that I took my friend Brenda, one of the London Division Wrens, the word Wren being derived from WRNS, or Women's Royal Naval Service, to a dinner dance at London's Walford Hilton Hotel.
She became incensed when a group of older seamen started taunting me from their table, but it didn't bother me that much, as I didn't see it as malicious or threatening because I was used to it, and it was all a big joke to me. However, she insisted that they were only doing it because I was "better than what they are", as she humourously put it possibly in imitation of their own broad London accents, her own being refined north country. At our table were two of Brenda's close friends, a fair, bearded man in a suit, and his dark, extrovert wife. The husband was one of those deeply gentle men I came across from time to time in the 1970s. They weren't all bearded, but I can think of two who were. Sensing my vulnerability, they behaved with special protectiveness towards me, and I can recall this particular man telling me that all my purported tormentors had to sling their arms around that evening were their respective pints of beer. The sailors who ribbed me that night did so in a pretty good-natured spirit, but that does not take away from the kindness demonstrated towards me by Brenda and her two friends. I wonder where they all are today. Wherever they may be...I wish them well.
   
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Written by Phil (6836 comments posted) 20th November 2007 | Still reading, I'll leave the other posts for another day. Interesting stuff. It does occur that your style is pretty hurried - at odds with some of your long sentences! While you give an excellent flavour of what happened, you gloss over much of what might be interesting and when you delve a little - last paragraph, you do so in a very detached way. Not a crit as such, but it doesn't allow the reader to emotional engage with the story as there's little to identify with. Phil | Written by Phil (6836 comments posted) 20th November 2007 | | doh - emotionally | I see... Written by CarlHalling (34 comments posted) 20th November 2007 | | I see your point Phil. These early pieces were hurried, most of them having been written in early 2006 when I started this "memoir", or whatever it is. I felt faced with a daunting task...my entire existence; so felt the only way to get through it was to go at breakneck speed. By about "1976", the style changes I feel safe in saying, as I decided not to write sequentially; simply as I felt. In consequence, things felt alot more relaxed, and some depth I hope was achieved as I warmed to my subject more. I do appreciate your comments Phil. They are honest; but take it from me: this is what you crave after endless months writing to some kind and encouraging responses and vast waves of indifference. After that any writer who still has hope will do anything to improve. It may be an idea to flesh out these stark early entries; especially that last paragraph, as this is what a reader is left with, and if it is rushed and superficial, they will leave unsatisfied. Thanks Phil. Carl. | Written by fellpony (1652 comments posted) 22nd November 2007 | I enjoyed reading this Carl - much more than your earlier works, which I tended to skim then give up on (could be me). I laughed at the incident where you had set out to seek Bettiner and fell in the canal. Your sentences are getting shorter and your point of view - oddly - warmer and less anguished. I will read more now! | Thank you, Sue Written by CarlHalling (34 comments posted) 22nd November 2007 | Hi again Sue, and thanks for your encouraging comments. I'm glad you enjoyed this story. No, I don't think it's you! I finally woke up and when I did, my earlier writings made me cringe. Those long sentence, and fancy words now strike me as those of someone desperate to impress but failing. My early style was terribly immature. There were initial positive comments when I first started writing; but there was an awful lot of indifference. This made me suspect that something had to change if I was to take writing seriously; which I always wanted to do. I bore in mind what you said about the convoluted senternces, and set about ruthlessly paring these; and cutting out all over-elaborate and frankly antiquated words. I'm now keen to improve, and the best site for doing so is here at GreatWriting where the standard is high and the writers honest. I recently did some work on this story, Sue, bearing Phil's comments in mind. I intend to post it soon as "The Sweetness of Wrens" 2. I'm determined to lick this story into shape! Thanks again. Carl. | PS Written by fellpony (1652 comments posted) 22nd November 2007 | | The title "The Sweetness of Wrens" is really enticing - I didn't immediately associate it with the WRNS myself, but it did what a title is supposed to do - it made me read the piece! | I'm glad you liked it, Sue Written by CarlHalling (34 comments posted) 22nd November 2007 | | There are so many potential titles I never know which one to settle for...but this one will definitely stay! |
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