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For Children


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What will I be?

By punchy

20 November 2007

This is a picture book idea, very dr seusse style. I'm not sure about the repeating verse, I have so many variations of it but my kids like the pee one, I also have a poo one but thought that was too gross for parents?

I wipe when I pee,
I can drink cups of tea,
But when I'm a grown up what will I be?

My Mum's a physician, Dad's a magician
and Auntie has gone on a big expedition,
My uncle's a cleaner, my cat is a mouser ,
My brother's a certified Internet browser
My cousin's at college she studies nutrition ,
The other one she just hangs out with musicians ,
My grandma's a presser of gentleman's trousers,
My granddad's a breeder of miniature schnauzers.

I wipe when I pee,
I can drink cups of tea,
But when I'm a grown up what will I be?

There's things that I know,
Like how to tie laces,
Make angels in snow,
and pull funny faces.

I know to say please,
I can walk on my knees,
I know what is in macaroni and cheese.

There's stuff I can do,
I can mend broken toys,
I can sniff out a clue,
I can make lots of noise,
I can make up a tune,
I can butter my bread,
I can tidy a room,
I can stand on my head,

I wipe when I pee,
I can drink cups of tea,
But when I'm a grown up what will I be?

I can wink, I can hop,
I can swim, in the sea,
I can make a loud pop,
I can climb a tall tree,
I can sing, I can dance,
I can read, I can write,
I can spin, I can prance,
I can put up a fight.

why only one job, can't I have more,
I want to keep busy , can I have four,
why can't I do ten jobs in one go,
how can I choose , I just need to know?

I wipe when I pee,
I can drink cups of tea,
But when I'm a grown up what will I be?

I could work in a zoo, I could sell ladies shoes
I could join a big ship as one of the crew
I could mend peoples phones, I could give people loans
I could travel to Egypt and dig up old bones,
I could spend all my day making things out of clay,
I could walk peoples dogs when they go away,
I could help in a shop, I could make fizzy pop,
I could work through the day and the night and not stop,

Build houses, paint vases
Teach history classes
Make optical lenses for all types of glasses,

Be a nurse
Be a vet
Drive a bus
Fly a jet
Cut trees
Keep bees
Kill fleas
But PLEASE will you say,
not tomorrow, TODAY,
I just need to know before I can play,
What will I be, where will I go,
What will I do, how do I choose,
Please will you tell me,
What i will be?
JUST WAIT AND SEE!

Reviews

Hello
Written by Josie (4035 comments posted) 20th November 2007

Paula, I think you have the basis for a good children's poem, but, as I've said before, I think that for the age group that would appreciate such a poem (about 6 to 8 yr olds) - was this age group that you thought of? - it is too long and they get bored when you go on with the same sort of subject too long. You have got good rhythm and rhyme here and a good subject. The other thing which really spoils this poem, for me, is the font which you've used and the layout. (Especially the last verse). Don't take offence; it is my personal opinion and others may think differently. See what other reviewers think.

Very Clever
Written by BedtimeStoryteller (134 comments posted) 21st November 2007

This as absolute nonsense – but VERY CLEVER absolute nonsense. Too long? No, not for me. The ‘why can’t I do ten jobs line’ needs an extra syllable or two, e.g. 'why can't I do ten jobs, perhaps in one go,'

What will I be?
Written by TimCharigan (4 comments posted) 24th November 2007

Hi Punchy

loved the idea of this poem and for the most part it really bounces along, with a great feel for the rhythm.

I think kids would love it - did you think of having just a few of the lines spoken by an adult (the mum or dad) with the child doing all the rest.

All in all, though, I really liked reading it

Cheers
Written by punchy (574 comments posted) 24th November 2007

Thanks for your comments. I didn't worry about the length Josie because it's a picture book idea, but as a poem yes it would be far too long.Thanks Tim for your idea, I think it would work to add some lines by the parent just not sure what and where, obviously the last line is, so maybe I should expand on that, I did infact have a whole verse at the end spoken by the parent but it wasn't really any good but feel free to give me an idea.
cheers guys
Paula x

What will I be?
Written by TheWackyWordsmith (12 comments posted) 4th December 2007

Hi Punchy.

I don't care what anyone tells you about "poetry".

This is great stuff, I love it and really admire your word useage - as for your ideas - brilliant.

If people do not like what you write, why bother reviewing it?

You have my ongoing support and I look forward to mudge more.

Warmest regardz,

Brice.

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