What she wants

Peter is staying home this evening.  Which is nice.  Stan is having a party, starting at the Crown, going on to who-knows-what pubs and ending up with take-away at Stan’s house until who-knows-when in the early hours.  I asked Peter if he was going.  He said he’d rather stay in with me.  Which is nice.  There was a time, not when we first dated, but later, when we were more … comfortable … with each other, when he would have jumped at the chance of a lads’ night out.

I asked him this morning if he was going to the party.  Stan has been promoted, or something.  Not that the lads need much excuse.  And he shrugged and said he’d prefer to spend the night in with me.  Which is nice.

Very nice.

Isn’t it?

Only, I keep thinking, ‘Why?’  Why would he want to spend a night in with me?  Not that I’m complaining, you understand.  It’s nice that he wants to spend a night in with me.  But it was just the way he said it.

He feels trapped.  I’m sure he does.  He thinks that I have shackled him to family life, with chains made of mortgages and loans and insurance and everything.  He feels obliged to spend time with me, because I’ve made him commit.  He can’t enjoy a night out with the lads because he has a duty to me.

I’m being silly, aren’t I?  I mean, some of my girlfriends would kill to have a fella that wanted to stay in with them, spend a cosy evening in front of the telly.

But it was the way he said it.  He didn’t sweep me up in his strong arms, stare into my eyes as if he were reading my thoughts from deep within my soul, and lovingly whisper, “Every moment we spend apart is like a lifetime of pain.”  Instead there was a pause, a moment’s hesitation, as if he were struggling with a great decision.

No, I’m being silly.  Of course I am.  Because if he did sweep me up and Mills and Boon me, I wouldn’t believe it for a second.  That’s just not Peter.  He’s nice enough in his way, and we love each other, of course we do, but he’s not fairy-tale, love-on-the-big-screen romantic.  That’s what attracted me to him, actually.  He was just so down-to-earth and honest.  And he was a man’s man, too.  A manly man.  One that would enjoy a night out with the lads, and I didn’t want to change him.  Well, not that much, though it would be really nice if just once in a while he put his underwear in the laundry hamper and not just leave it on the floor.

So I want him to go out, and enjoy a night with the lads, with no guilt or anything, but only if that’s what he really wants.  And I’m glad he’s spending the night in with me, but I want to know that he’s doing it because he really wants to, and not just out of duty.  And I don’t want him to change, just to please me.  Though if he did change, in order to please me, like doing his share of the washing up, that would be nice too.  So long as when he changed he was still the same Peter.

That’s what I want.

What he wants

Stan’s having a party tonight, but the City game is being shown live on telly.  If we win, we could get promoted next season.  Stuff it, I’ll watch the match.  There’ll be another lads’ night out soon.  Besides, Sue keeps looking at me.  There could be sex tonight, if I play my cards right.