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By Hayfa
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22 November 2007 |
Losing loved ones in war is extremely devestating, and taking into consideration of all the wars going on around the world, I was inspired to write my first poem. I imposed my own emotions into this piece of writing, as you can see... If only I could feel the warmth of your body against mine
And hold you tight for one last time.
If only I could see the twinkle in your eyes once more
As we reunite blissfully on the front door
If only I could hear the whisper of your voice in my ear
For a final ‘I Love You’.
Oh how dear!
But...
If only such thing as war didn’t exist
Then I won’t be lost in a vague mist
And my eyes won’t be like a waterfall drift
But...
I know your right behind me...
To catch me when I fall...
...just like an angel...
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Written by Phil (6836 comments posted) 22nd November 2007 | Clearly heartfelt. Not my kind of verse, but as it is from the heart, it has its own power.
Phil | Hella Hayfa
Written by Josie (2825 comments posted) 22nd November 2007 | | I feel exactly the same as Phil, and I am so very sorry that this has happened to you Hayfa. It must be really terrible. It's bad enough when your parents die - even when they are old - because the voices and faces that you loved can't be seen any more, but to lose a husband when you are young must be dreadful. Well written, sad words. | not sure
Written by wt (137 comments posted) 22nd November 2007 | for me I get a different sense from reading this.
josie I don't get the sense that she actually lost a husband...(but I may be wrong!)
I think that war vets/survivors: moms,kids, wives, dads, and husbands are scarred "differently" no matter their individuality so thumbs down but Hayfa that's just me, but then again who am i to speak when content is not my forte
| Hayfa
Written by punchy (504 comments posted) 22nd November 2007 | Surely the perfect poem is one which is raw emotion, no frills attatched and if the reader is moved and can feel nothing but empathy as I did with yours then as far as I'm concerned that is pure poetry.Keep writing, expressing yourself nomatter what peoples reactions are, it can only be positive. It almost feels intrusive reviewing such a poem but knowing it has been read I hope is a comfort.
I thought it was beautiful, it takes courage to express your emotions and put them up for review. good for you x | Thanks
Written by Hayfa (22 comments posted) 22nd November 2007 | wt just to settle the confusion between you and Josie, I havent lost a husband in war. But plenty of others do so everyday. What I meant when I said that I imposed my own emotions into it is that I have a loved one on the other side of the world, but I dont know if im ever going to see him again.
Thank you for all your comments, I really needed that encouragement, even though it might not be your ideal poem... as im only 16 years of age, and was quite hesitant what people would think. Thank you very much xx |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3445 comments posted) 23rd November 2007 | | It's fine to believe that providing you don't put it to the test. |
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