Great Writing - Home > Extended > Outside the Gates of Sultan (revised)
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1187 guests online and 2 members online
Extended Work
Outside the Gates of Sultan (revised)
By CarlHalling
23 November 2007

Revising the experiment.


Introduction

"Outside the Gates of Sultan" was originally published as "A Dandy in the Land of Blue Denim 3" at the Blogster.com website on the 30th April 2006. It was re-published with corrections and a new title at the Faithwriters.com website in August 2007, before a final draft was prepared in November.

The Siege of La Rochelle

I think it was a matter of weeks after returning from the Ocean Youth Club trip to the Baltic in the summer of 1975 that I sailed with the RNR to La Rochelle on the Atlantic coast of France. La Rochelle was the French city that adopted Reformist ideas during the Renaissance, and so became the unoffical capital of Protestant France, that is, from the year of the Edict of Nantes (1568). The latter, issued by Henri IV, accorded Huguenots certain rights until 1627, when a British-aided Protestant uprising resulted in the Siege of la Rochelle, during which Cardinal Richelieu blockaded the city for 14 months. Following the revocation of the Edict of Nantes by Louis XIV in 1685, some 200.000 Huguenots migrated during what has become known as Le Refuge. Among the destinations of the Huguenot diaspora were North America, notably New York and South Carolina, Great Britain and Ulster, Germany, Dutch South Africa and the Netherlands. London became a key Huguenot centre. In South Carolina they rapidly integrated into the dominant Anglo-American culture.
My best RNR friend Colin, now a Chief Petty Officer, phoned me only a few years ago from his east London home to remind me of one memorable evening we spent in La Rochelle in the summer of 1975. There, in a dingy dive we fell in with some wild locals led by a Romany-like guitar player called Ramon, whose pretty blonde girlfriend spoke to me protectively possibly fearing that as military men Colin and I might be in some imminent physical danger. However, on the way back to our ship from a night club in the early hours of the morning we were set upon not by local thugs but a pack of mangy looking stray dogs, and it was Colin who somehow persuaded them to back off. It may be that I owe that lovable east London sailor my life.

The Pool of London

Soon after returning to London, I was with the RNR again, this time in the Pool of London, subject of a famous British crime film directed by Basil Dearden in 1951 and referring to that stretch of the Thames lying between London Bridge and Rotherhithe.
In order to reach my ship, I was forced to take a motor launch with a group of other seamen, one of whom, a strikingly handsome blond sailor of about 30 I knew only by sight, had taken unofficial charge. Once we were all safely aboard, it was the turn of our leader to join us, but as he stepped off the launch, he somehow lost his footing and slipped into the Thames beneath him. Within a matter of minutes his heavy clothing and boots, helped by a truly ferocious current, had dragged him beneath the river's surface and he was lost. What a waste. This man was truly remarkable in terms of looks and personality; and now he was gone forever in consequence of a single momentary lapse of concentration. How fragile a thing is life.
Soon after returning to London, I told my mother what happened, and as she broke down in tears the enormity of the incident was brought home to me for the first time. Thinking back on it, a line from that beautiful song "How Men Are" by Aztec Camera, which was a British hit in 1988, comes to mind: "Why should it take the tears of a woman to see how men are?"

A Gosport Discomaniac

Later on in the year I attempted to pass what is known as the AIB or Admiralty Interview Board as a means of becoming a Supply and Secretariat officer in the Royal Navy. This involved me taking the train down to HMS Sultan, the Royal Navy's specialist training centre in Gosport, Hampshire, and spending three days attending various examinations and interviews intended to assess my potentiality as a naval officer. Today the tests consist of Maths, English, verbal and non-verbal reasoning, and general and Service knowledge, and there is a leadership task, a group discussion exercise and two interviews, and presumably little has changed since '75.
On one occasion early on in the long weekend as I presume it was, as I was putting the final touches to my finery in preparation for one assignment or another, one of the would-be future officers I was sharing a dormitory with made a comment to the effect of: "Oy, mate, it's an interview board for the selection of naval officers not some flaming male fashion parade". Not my sort of man, which is to say the sort I wanted coming with me to the disco that evening to get to know some of the local . In the end two of my fellow interviewees were up the task, at least that's what I thought at first. I can recall asking one of them exactly what he was expecting out of his evening, and he muttered something placatory along the lines of: "Whatever I can get" but entirely without enthusiasm. I know now that he was uncomfortable being out so late and was anxious to return to Sultan, and sensibly so I'd say. In the event I was left alone at the club dancing with a soft-spoken local girl called Shiralee as I recall. A little later I accompanied her along a busy main leading back to Sultan, with several cars sounding their horns as I kissed her good night, only to discover that Sultan's main entrance had been locked and was now being manned by an armed guard.
If the young man nervously trying to reach someone in authority within the training centre on a walkie talkie was wondering exactly what kind of person returns to base dressed to the nines after a night's disco dancing when he was supposed to be in the midst of three days of gruelling tests and interviews that were vital to his future career, then he gave no indication of it. He did however eventually make contact, and I can vaguely remember passing through an officer's mess soon afterwards and briefly engaging in some genial conversation with its occupants. Their actual opinion of me of course they kept to themselves. It may just be me, but I can't help thinking that had I returned to Sultan that night before being locked out, I might have been in with a better chance of passing the AIB, that is, as opposed to failing it, which I perhaps rather predictably did. But then again, not necessarily...


London, 1974

Reviews

Written by bluecity (381 comments posted) 23rd November 2007
I've just breezed through some of your numerous postings. Is it all meant to form a whole? Is it an auto-biography? A collection of short stories? 
 
I must admit I find your style a little dense, but I do respect you for writing so graphically and so personally about the 1970s, which (as you will realise from my own writings - The Home Life of Our Own Dear Queen) is the era in which I grew up. From the point of someone trying to understand what it was like in the 1970s, I think you are providing excellent source material. So far I haven't come across you writing about music though. The music of the 1970s was crucial! 
 
Also, I see from the comments posted and your introductions, that you have written about faith and that you submitted work previously to faithwritings.com. Tell me about faithwritings, please. 
 
Cheers 
 
Rosemary 
 
Thanks Rosemary
Written by CarlHalling (34 comments posted) 23rd November 2007
Hi there! Thanks for your comment. I loved it. I call this "work" an experiment in memoir composition. It is an autobiography, yes, but it can also be read as a collection of stories. Or a historical document. One thing I would say is that it's an experiment; and also, what the reader wants it to be. I do agree about the music. It affected me very deeply; especially Hard/Progressive; Glam; Disco; Punk; in that order. I touch on a little in "The Genesis of a Gentleman", and alot, I mean very much, towards the end of the "work" (it's all written already). FaithWriters.com was where I honed the writings; although as things stand, they are not yet finished. I am still working on them through posting here. I know there's room for improvement and I want to be as good as I can be. Thanks for the encouraging comments. I'd very much welcome more comments. Bye for now. Carl.
Another thing...
Written by CarlHalling (34 comments posted) 23rd November 2007
Rosemary, one thing I should add...my writings from 19th November this year are revisions of what have gone before, and in my opinion, far better. They are the genuine article as it were, where the others were rough drafts. Thanks again. Carl.

Written by Phil (6738 comments posted) 1st December 2007
This is where it gets difficult - for me as a reviewer anyway. I can see you've done some work on this - especially in terms of condensing your writing style a little. There are fewer mamouth sentences - but still one or two. A couple of verbal (written) ticks still remain: eg/ which is to say, that is. 
 
I wonder why you include the histroy of La Rochell, interesting though it is, it adds nothing to your story. Too detailled to be a passing reference, nor detailled enough to be instructional. It is hard not to share the things that fascinate us - the questions I ask myself when writing are: what does it add in terms of understanding the narrative thread, what does it add in terms of enriching the scene? Not sure this does either. Could just be me. 
 
My main crits about keeping the reader at arms length remain- 
 
The story about the dogs is passed over very quickly and could stand plenty of development. 
While the drowning of the man was tragic, as a reader, it's hard to care much as we don't really know him. We're seeing this through your eyes and we're not allowed to engage. 
The story about returning late could also stand much greater development. 
 
It did occur to me that your style tends to deal with things in general terms, only using specific incidents to illustrate/further the broad sweeps of your story. I guess a memoir, if it is to be widely read, needs to deal much more specifically and personally with what life has thrown at us. (Is that what makes soap operas so successful?)  
 
While the style is less dense, I didn't feel any closer to you while reading this. In a fictional narrative the reader has to care, one way or another, about the characters that are placed in front of them. Likewise, a personal memoir is charaqcter driven. Thinking about it - I reckon that's what I think is lacking - characterisation - yours and that of the poeple you mention. 
 
It all sounds very negative - sorry. Yet I wouldn't be reading if there was nothing here. You seem to have lived an interesting life and experienced things many poeple haven't. The source material is there. 
 
As I've said before - just one opinion - and I may well be miles off. Just things from my perspective. 
 
Phil.

Written by CarlHalling (34 comments posted) 1st December 2007
No, I don't think you're miles off. I've been writing since January 2006 now, and I've not received much positive response. It might be an idea my publishing what I've written so far and not bothering with too many further corrections, because I have come to the conclusion there's too much to correct! If response had been more positive, I mean generally, I might be of another mind. What I'll do is publish what I've written so far as a definitive version of this "experimental memoir"; and then knock serious writing on the head, and then just do it for my own fun. Then get back to something else...music for example. Now that's something I'm good at...;o) 
Ah well...thanks for sticking with it so far. Keep reading by all means. Carl

Written by Phil (6738 comments posted) 1st December 2007
And now I feel guilty. :sigh  
 
It was never my intention to 'put you off.' Far from it. As I said, it's only one opinion anyway. 
 
Phil

Written by Phil (6738 comments posted) 1st December 2007
Also - apologies for my dreadful spelling in the above.

Written by CarlHalling (34 comments posted) 1st December 2007
Don't be Phil. You were only trying to help. The memoir is a very difficult area anyway. On the whole, they are not popular. They need to be truly exceptional, like "Portrait of an Artist as a Young man"; either that or proceed from a very well known perrson. I'm fine, really... 8)

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

Next item