CHRISTMAS ( warning, this poem has offended people, do not read if you are religious or easily offe

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CHRISTMAS ( warning, this poem has offended people, do not read if you are religious or easily offe

By punchy

25 November 2007

I have recieved a complaint and I apologise to all who I have offended, but I do not want to change my poem as was suggested. I had a very religious christian upbringing myself but I also learned to tolerate idiots like myself who mock religion therefore I frequently argue with myself so I also apologise to myself !

C is for the crumblies stagnating on the couch
H is for the husband, behaving like a grouch
R is for the roast with soggy brussels that we bare
I is for the insults erupting from the chairs
S is for the snoring, which echoes off the walls
T is for the tackiness of trees defaced with balls
M is for the moaning from the kids who whine "I'm bored"
    as we all hunt for batteries whilst cursing to the lord
A is for applause as all the guests request their coats
S is for our stomachs as they gripe and start to bloat
        But Christmas is for family and forgiving all of sin
               so I just raise my glass and pray

         "THANK CHRIST FOR BLOODY GIN"

Reviews

Written by Lizzy (790 comments posted) 25th November 2007

Funny!
I think you got Christmas just right.
Or am I being too cynical, we do make too much of what is a Christian festival with many celebrating and not knowing why.
Lizzy

A is for applause as all the guests requ
Written by Phil (6683 comments posted) 25th November 2007

While I love spending time with family, I'm usually relieved when they leave and I can relax in a bit of peace.

Cynical? Perhaps - but pretty much on the mark for many I guess.

Enjoyed. (Stick it in your Christmas cards.)

Phil

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3331 comments posted) 25th November 2007

I tried to be offended but was too busy laughing.
Brace yourself, sweetie, it's coming; stock up on the Gordons
Jane

Written by rui (150 comments posted) 26th November 2007

We tend not to celebrate Christmas as it's not really our festival. We do celebrate lunar new year and it looks exactly the same. Only we get fireworks

Very funny!

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 26th November 2007

Anyone offended by this takes themselves far too seriously.
Loved the last line.

thankyou guys
Written by punchy (500 comments posted) 26th November 2007

I'm glad I've not offended you

Christmas?
Written by Henry (57 comments posted) 26th November 2007

Nice idea - sure, Christmas has degenerated into a) a few days off, b) far too much to eat, and c) a major business spectacle.
This came across very well, good fun.
Offending people? Oh, yes?
Cheers - Henry.

Written by tpowell (105 comments posted) 26th November 2007

Some people are too easily offended - I thought this was very funny and (sadly) spot on when describing how most families spend Christmas.

Tracey

Christmas
Written by TheWackyWordsmith (12 comments posted) 30th November 2007

Hi Punchy.

Amazing how easily people who, in significant numbers, never actually celebrating Christmas themselves for what it is, elevate themselves to the status of "righteous" around the time and thereby the right to nit-pick in attempts to salve their own consciences for the preceding 364 days of the year.

More lead to your pencil I say!

Regardz,

Me.

Written by Diddi (80 comments posted) 12th March 2008

How absolutely marvelous! I wish that I had your wit, your ability with rhyme.
don't take offence at this, but this would do well on a bog wall! some of the best poetry I've ever seen has been in a men's bog when I've been cleaning up and earning a pittance.
Thank goodness we still have some poets that bring us back to the basics of life. I'm tired of lofty ivory towers and seeking within. You truly are a breath of fresh air and a joy to read.
In admiration,
Lis.

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