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By Ghost
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25 November 2007 |
Pearls of morning dew
Glisten in heavenly sun
On velvet petalled purity
Where life itself begun
Like tears they're sent cascading
By honey pollen thieves
To the toils of spider lattice
Woven amongst the leaves
On stems of thorny peril
Almost regal in their pose
The air all hung with sweetness
The scent of an English Rose
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Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 25th November 2007 | Line 5, either:
they're sent (What are sent cascading?)
or
their scent (Can scent cascade like tears?)
Liked this Ghost. Other than the above; simple, descriptive and effective.
Are all roses English?
Phil |
Written by Ghost (21 comments posted) 25th November 2007 | Cheers Phil
Altered the line, it's the pearls of morning dew that cascade. |
Written by Fledermaus (3487 comments posted) 25th November 2007 | | A very enjoyable read. In the light of the current discussion I wish I could say more, but it seems OK to me ;-) | Beautiful
Written by punchy (535 comments posted) 25th November 2007 | | Really lovely and gentle. I think the rhythm flows wonderfully with such ease that even a simpleton like myself can capture the essence of your poem x |
Written by Lizzy (828 comments posted) 26th November 2007 | Agree with others, asimple evocative poem.
I'm not a poet but would last line of verse one scan better as
'Where life itself's begun'
Shoot me down in flames if I'm wrong.
Lizzy
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Written by rui (150 comments posted) 26th November 2007 | I agree with Lizzy re: "life itself's begun" also as a grammatical improvement.
Lovely poem, brings a wonderful image... I can smell the roses now  |
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