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Shorts
SHIFT
By tat_2man
27 November 2007
This story is kind of a combination of two I had been thinking about. I had thought of doing a story about parallel universes and every time someone shifted it would actually say shift on the page then I had thought of a story about two lovers who had always been destined to be together. So this is the result. I hope you like it. I have not been able to finish a story for some time.

The retirement home called us at eight in the morning.

“Dorothy has taken a turn for the worst. I am afraid she might not last the day.”

So we rushed over there and tried to make my grandmother as comfortable as possible. I talked of the past hoping she could hear me. I told her how much she meant to me and how glad I was to have gotten the chance to know her. She was unresponsive and her breathing was irregular.

As I was going to get my sixth cup of coffee my wife called me back.
“She woke up and she wants to talk to you” my wife said excitedly.
Grandma was propped up in bed and her eyes were clear and sharp. My eyes misted as I thought of how long it had been since I had seen recognition in those blue eyes. I gently hugged her and sat in the chair next to her bed.
“I am not going to live much longer and I wanted to say a few things to you before I went.” Her voice was barely above a whisper and I had to lean in to hear her.
“I know in some form or other I will be back. I will be checking up on you. You remember everything I taught you.” I nodded my head and she went on.
“My soul has been on this earth many times. I will be back.”
She touched my face and her eyes slowly closed. Then she was gone.

My wife and I stood in the hallway and cried on each others shoulder for a few minutes. As I wiped the tears from my eyes I began to realize what my grandma had said. We never had talked of heaven nor hell so I guess I was a little surprised she believed in reincarnation. I had never really put much thought in it. As my wife went to call the rest of the family I leaned against the wall and looked to the ceiling. Someone talking softly interrupted my thinking. Two of the nursing assistants were walking by and one of them gave me a sympathetic look. For some reason my mind froze and I stared. I had been here a few times before but I had never seen her before. But it felt like I knew her intimately. She was a tall brunette whose long hair was put in a bun. Her name tag had Gracie on it.

SHIFT

After a second of disorientation I realize I am now outside and in the breeze I smell jasmine. I shake my head and look around. I am standing outside what looks like a plantation and to me this looks like some where in the South. I realize I am wearing a rebel officers uniform from the Civil War. A door slams behind me and I turn and find Gracie coming torwards me. She is no longer wearing scrubs but seems to be in a tight bodice with a hoop skirt. My mind reels and I wonder if I have gone insane.

“William I am so glad to see you before you go off to join your regiment.”

I automatically want to say ‘Frankly my dear Scarlet I don’t give a damn’ but I resist. She steps closer and I touch her face and then we softly kiss….

SHIFT

I am back at the retirement home but I am laying on the ground looking up into my wife’s worried face. The words coming from her mouth are not making any sense to me.

“When I came back from the phone I found him lying here like this.”

Then I see Gracie’s face as she leans over me.

SHIFT

The disorientation is not as bad this time. It is night time and I am standing out side a building with a big sign that has something about a USO dance on it. Again I am in uniform except this time it is a WWII lieutenants khaki uniform the garrison cap is in my hands.

“Come on Johnny let’s find this dark haired angel of yours.” I turn quickly and standing next to me is another lieutenant whose arm is around a blonde haired girl. They hurriedly go into the building and as they open the door I hear big band music coming from inside. I stuff the garrison cap into my back pocket and go through the door. The music is loud and there are many people dancing. Not a single guy in the place is not in uniform. My eyes roam and sure enough there is Gracie again. She is standing next to a stodgy looking woman who I guess is one of the chaperones. Gracie spots me as I am heading torwards her and a smile lights her face that makes my heart ache. She handed her drink to the chaperone who gave me a look of contempt. I put my hand out and Gracie grabbed it and we spun onto the dance floor. I never knew I could dance but with her everything seemed easier if that makes any sense. We danced for what seemed like hours then finally the last song was a slow one and she danced with her head on my shoulder. I looked into her eyes and she into mine.

“Johnny, I think I am in love with……”

SHIFT

Damn this is getting on my nerves. Now I am standing with my back to the wall at the retirement home. My wife is telling everyone I am okay and that it was just emotional shock.

“I just want to go home” I say weakly. Although I don’t really want to leave I want to go find Gracie.

“Okay dear. Let’s go home.” My wife put her arm around me and we began to walk down the hall.

SHIFT

This time I am leaning against a VW van. I am in a ragged looking t-shirt and bell bottoms and I seem to have long hair. Gracie is sitting beside me she is wearing bell bottoms also and a shirt with large sleeves.

“I can’t go with you to Canada, Steve; I have my family and school.” To me she sounded on the verge of tears. And what was with Canada? Am I trying to skip out on the draft? I put my arm around Gracie and she began to cry.

“I don’t want to have to say goodbye.” I say with a wrench to my heart.

She looks at me with her blue eyes.

“Then don’t. Stay here with me” she pleads. I wish I……….

SHIFT

I am leaning on the drivers side of my car facing the retirement home. My wife is getting into the passenger side of the car.

“Are you sure your okay to drive?’

“Yeah’, I say ‘I am fine.” I get in to the car and with one last look at the home I drive away.

Reviews

Written by rui (150 comments posted) 27th November 2007
I think you've set yourself quite a challenge with this one. Various stories and movies have tried to deal with people finding themselves suddenly in other situations and it's difficult to do effectively. Writing "shift" works well and doesn't cause the reader to get confused. 
 
For me this story was a bit too short. I felt there was a headlong rush to get him through all of those past lives and then back to himself in time to leave, where a bit of length might have given my poor brain time to cope with the change. For me also the entire conversation with the grandmother could be cut, and not detract from the story. I also don't think the story's finished - does he leave his wife in persuit of his eternal Gracie, or is this the life in which he finally breaks the cycle? 
 
But these are only my opinions, and I'm far from expert at this. A good read, well done!
Thanks rui
Written by tat_2man (56 comments posted) 27th November 2007
Your right this one was challenging. I was rushing through it mainly due to the fact that I am trying to learn to write amid distractions. I usually write when everyone is in bed but this time I tried finishing it while the kids were up. And the conversation with his grandmother was really hard for me to figure out. As for the ending I wanted to leave it open for others to put their own ending to it. Again Thanks for the review.  
Tat
Good. Going on very good...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 27th November 2007
This has all the makings of a very good, original piece of writing. But its a tad too short to make any real impact at first instance. I take on board what you say about not being able to finish; but, well, that's the name of the game. 
 
No matter. I hope you do finish because there is evidence here of someone who thinks about storytelling. And tries to approach it from different angle. So many stories are simple [ and quite boring ] narrative. This is not. Mind, I am not sure how often you will get away with repeating SHIFT. OK so it could -- and should-- go on for a while yet. Though I think you may try the reader's patience if you persist too long with his device. 
 
My advice to you would be to persevere with this; and particularly its layout. You need about the same amount again and then bring it to a [sudden? ] finish. It will have quite an effect. 
 
Well done. Well worth reading, if still in embryo. Nice to have someone who thinks about 'how' to tell a story and sets out to execute same. 
 
Slan!
Thanks
Written by tat_2man (56 comments posted) 27th November 2007
I will try to extend it out some more. That is one of my problems I never seem to go long enough. Usually it is too short but every once in a while it is way too long. I guess I prefer short and surprising since I am way too lazy to go further. :grin

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3351 comments posted) 27th November 2007
I liked the way you handled the story. The technique you used was very effective and left us in no doubt when things changed, which aided clarity.  
The style of it was simple and clear and kept us focussed on the story. I agree with rui that the conversation with the grandma is superfluous. And it needed a hand-brake turn by the reader to change narrative direction. It was such an interesting concept and so well written I would have liked more, and having set up expectations with such an entriguing scenario you do need a stronger ending. 
cheers 
Jane
Thanks
Written by tat_2man (56 comments posted) 27th November 2007
I am going to try a rewrite of it. Thanks BBS. 
Tat

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