Where upon a time to capture your soul
On a window sill sat the truth behind it
Ages had gone by and your memory was lost
But flowing in your veins as if inherited
You twitch as if something is not quite right
Perched where phonetics are like some distant echo
Of a language whose rhythm rhymes not with mine
I listen not to some music that beckons me to utter
Devine wondrous sounds that your core understands
The words are like waves breaking on shores
Only there to marvel at as I take in a breath
And lay claim to something deeper than the Queen’s English
For how repetitive the song and the chorus
Like familiar time-traveling droplets predictable but nice
The voice that maketh not the goose bump and electrifies the hair
Too smart to be static for its own good
Urban and short-lived and certainly capitalistic
It pleads to move you in its irrelevance but to that moment
Where you access that brief sensation
Improvising yes but like the rest of your life
The story is left untold
So where do I quench my thirst but in the rolling dunes where
A mirage keeps me not sturdily in my song and dance
The bills the headache and the tragic end of that brief encounter
Where I had time but for a smile
I have drowned in a cup of tea as they say
How relevant where the jewel wares the crown
For as sure as the wind whistles its reminder
Leaves will fall and you will smile again
Having inherited that poet’s cup
How quaint but for the rhythm that swirls around an existential truth
To be discarded and spat back in the face of an alien language
Immigrants flock to your doors and religious zealots call for your downfall
While you distinguish them from yourself through the veil
They lay claim to your soul through their own ignorance
And you have naught but yourself to blame
The poetry flows through the veins of lives unaware
Of the illusion that absolute law creates upon a human nature
Corrupted through a sense of will
Not to survive but rather to define survival
According he who is closest to the court
There is no call for action nor a deeper than though
Only the Queen’s English from which to resurrect
The true nature of Elisabeth the 1st
Who built empire for the sake of her country’s soul
Where those on the left and those the right
Were mesmerized by the armada from that virgin birth
New beginnings like droplets temporary and subdued
While the Bard’s theatre was there to compensate
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Written by Phil (6629 comments posted) 28th November 2007 |
Hmm. Started liking this, then got completely lost. Some lovely sounding lines - odd syntax in a couple of places. As always, a flowing feel. Not asking for an explanation, just stating a preference, then you know where my review(s) comes from. I like to have to think and work a little on a piece of good poetry. Somehow, it enriches the whole experience. I do though, like to end up with an understanding of what is being communicated to me. You seem to have an ear for flow - but I sometimes struggle to tune into your content. You've claimed in the past you're not good at content. For me, poetry has to communicate above and beyond a purely aural experience. Flow plus content = better? Could just be me. Keep going. There's something there. Phil |
Phil Written by wt (137 comments posted) 28th November 2007 |
Thanks Phil Always useful really: Some sort of explanation follows but ceratinly no excuse! I come from the Eatern Mediterranean Where blood flows in rivers so high That you your throat would jitter so hard As to make you intestines rise up To be spewed in acid Upon the corpes that wallow in pools Af red and outrage would pop through your navel As your eyes would burn in pain at the sight and scent Of what was once man and what you are used to now Frying and boiling and basting and poaching And growing organic I am somewhere where the wind echoes Its language through a grey mist of Unsophisticated outrage Hoping that poets would not be as numb as the grass In their rosy gardens of perfumed lavender Where the world is as distant a phenomenon As their brother’s tongue |
Not sure Written by punchy (487 comments posted) 28th November 2007 |
I agree with Phil that there is something in your poetry but I always feel a hidden agenda, It's like poetry mixed with bitterness, and I'm weary you are somewhere in every poem or reply having a dig at someone or something. It would be great if you opened up and simplified your poetry as you have so much there fighting to be heard and you clearly have a way with words but if more understandable it could reach a wider and more captivated audience. Sorry to be so blunt and I no poet but just an observation from a fellow human being |
Written by Phil (6629 comments posted) 28th November 2007 |
No excuse expected - and I wasn't really after an explanation. Your explanation: refer to my post above. Phil |
punchy Written by wt (137 comments posted) 29th November 2007 |
hello my deepest humblest dearest verser in the shower par excellence! And to think that I had to write all of the above to get a response to my mail! I think that the context needs to be understood in order to better make sense of a writing, and I do believe that Phil's has very valid comments as do you. As to this "bitternest" being passed on through my writing which often tends to be a crtique of our system and thinking in the west: Maybe an intentional irritant I'll have to reflect on that... "Simplified poetry" It'll have to fight its way out and metamorphize itself if it wants to Thanks fellow human being punchy Wt
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