Blame Josie for this one. She claimed that Shakespeare had inspired the humour of Les Dawson [ who,for those that don’t know,was the king of the mother-in-law joke]
Unlikely, you say?. But it could have happened. Imagine the scene…………
[my apologies to Shakespeare lovers]
[A loud and drunken crowd in the mosh pit at the Globe theatre cheer, as the MC takes the stage]
Welcome good people. I tell by your glowing countenances, you are well sated with ale and now desire to be entertain-ned or know the reason why. I would crave your indulgence, for in order to encourage our young troubadour, I do request that you do now place your hands together in all urgency and continue so to do until the sound doth dislodge the very thatch. He is well versed in the comedic arts……
Heresssss…..Shakespeare!!
[ A roll of drums and a dog comes on, cocks a leg and pees on the lectern, followed by a young Shakespeare who boots it away]
By the devils codpiece, I swear tis the very dog of my mother-in-law. She doth train it most assiduously, so that is doth perform this very act before me on stage. Why? Tis most unfair!!, For I do oft call her my treasure. It is fitting because she resembles that which has been dug from the very earth. [Laughs a little slow in coming]
I must tell you, she did visit us but a fortnight ago. My wife, whom even now remains in house with the dog, was not forthcoming , but the occurrence was not unknown to me, and I did say to her that I knew of this impending visitation. In shame and guilt she did enquire how I did know this. I said what else could cause the mice to surrender themselves to the mercy of the cat. This portent could have no other outcome. Were I a mouse I may have done the same.
[ A dull silence. The lumpen peasants who make up the audience haven’t laughed since the dog left]
Sirrah!! But what can this be? In my befuddlement have I taken myself, in error, to a funeral? For I can see no other logic. Or perhaps the ale has dulled thy senses and thou canst not hear me at the back. Tis a pity or thou would laugh most merrily.
[a drunken heckler stands up, hurls a cabbage and shouts]
You forget we can hear you all the clearer at the front, and tis an even greater pity that we do.
[ He’s taken aback but has learned how to deal with hecklers]
I see thee clearly sir, and can only commiserate that it is evident thy parents were cousins of the first order; such progeny were never well favoured.
[the first raucous laugh of the night, so he follows it up]
But soft, I do recall a rumour that on your wedding night you did shock your wife with a suggestion so depraved, even you sister had never performed for you.
[More laughter but he doesn’t like the look of the heckler]
But anon, anon I have more to tell you of my mother- in-law, Tis true we did have twenty happy years, but then alas, alack; we met. And now I can truthfully declare there are but two things I hate about her. Only two…her faces, I say [they’ve stopped laughing again] Dost thou not get it? Forsooth, it would not strain the understanding of an ox. She is two- faced.
[The heckler steps up again]
There’s not a man or woman, here, who does not get it, but nor do they find a cause for humour in it. Bring back the dog, I say, or pee on the lectern yourself, and we will laugh most heartily.
My humour is in clever wordplay. I care not for buffoonery, you poltroon. For those with the wit to hear, I will anon and say, she is of ill-favoured appearance. For at Christmas she was desired of a kiss. and stood under the mistletoe and, truth to tell, was still there this Michaelmass [The heckler has had enough] Bring back the dog I say. I tire of your mother-in-law and of you. Your jokes do reek of the foulest midden. We all have mothers-in-law and find little humour in them
[Shakespeare is struggling now]
I fear the reek you speak of is from thy own mouth,mayhap the humour is too subtle for you.
I will set about you for your cheek.
[Shakespeare is dragged off the stage and the place erupts in a huge fight to everyone’s satisfaction.
Unnoticed the dog trots back to the stage takes a dump,gives a theatrical bow and trots off]
-It was shortly after this, that Shakespeare took up playwriting. Mother-in-law jokes were not heard in England until the career of Les Dawson took off. They haven’t improved -|
HI Jane
Written by jean.day (2266 comments posted) 29th November 2007 |
This is so good - your humour at its very best. And how well you caught the flavour of the Elizabethan ale house.
|
Written by Lizzy (790 comments posted) 29th November 2007 |
Great fun, really enjoyed this. I wonder if Shakespeare was ever heckled!
I appreciated his jokes even if the audience didn't
Good one
Lizzy |
Written by gshelme (152 comments posted) 29th November 2007 |
Liked the mixture of Dawson and Shakespeare. Very funny, enjoyed this a lot.
Gill
|
Written by woody44 (774 comments posted) 29th November 2007 |
Quite obviously a man before his time Jane. Who knows, if his act had caught on think of what the world would have lost..not to mention all those glassy-eyed fifth formers.
You have really excelled with this one.Wonderful, clever dialogue.
Roger
PS What happened to the dog? |
Written by Fledermaus (3248 comments posted) 29th November 2007 |
| It has a nice medieval/rennaisance atmosphere to it. Who knows what happened to Shakespeare during his days? Yet of course it might not be smart to upset someone under the protection of queen 'off with their heads' Elizabeth I. |
Written by Phil (6683 comments posted) 29th November 2007 |
Enjoyed this Jane. Things don't change much do they? Most people would rather pay to see a dog take a dump on stage than pay to see Shakespeare.
I used to hate reading his plays in school, but when I first saw one performed - Othello - by the Bradford Players or someone, I was smitten.
Thought it worked very well.
Phil
|
Written by Livinginanattic (456 comments posted) 29th November 2007 |
You've captured the atmosphere of the mosh pit very well, and Shakespeare's voice was convincing. Great fun.
Ben |
Written by William87 (30 comments posted) 30th November 2007 |
Hi Jane
I thought this was a very fun read and very well written too. The language of shakespeare was a bit hard on my english tough, but I thought it worked very well =)
Enjoyed the dog at the end :P
/William |
Written by brook_rivers (484 comments posted) 14th March 2008 |
Hi Jane,
A good piece of comedy.
Do you think Shakespeare would have cut it as a stand-up today?! Maybe we could have a follow up and see how he fairs with a modern day audience!
Brook  |
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 16th March 2008 |
Not read much over the past few months, but for me this is one of your finest to date. Clever idea, and I wish I'd thought of it meself. Excellent!
Best Regards,
G. |
oddly enough .........
Written by Bagheera (680 comments posted) 16th March 2008 |
.......... just last night I decided it was appropriate to quote Shakespeare in the mystery/fantasy/romance I'm writing ....... on the other hand, I've always thought The Bard is timeless .........  |
Ta everso
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3331 comments posted) 16th March 2008 |
Yes, You're right Bags, the Bard is timeless and it's lucky for us all that he gave up the standup routine in favour of playwriting..
Thanks very much, G, for your kinds words, much appreciated. I had to work really hard on it and I must admit it's one of my favourite pieces. I'm chuffed that you liked it. Don't be a stranger,
Jane |
Written by Merioneth (79 comments posted) 20th April 2008 |
Were these mother-in-law jokes ones that you took from Les Dawson and adapted into Elizabethan prose, or did you make them up yourself? Either way, this is a a hilarious piece, and I will bookmark it and link it to all of my friends.
~Merioneth |
Written by Kale (7 comments posted) 30th June 2008 |
A thoroughly enjoyable romp. I could almost smell the emptied lavatory pots...hopefully there's a sequel in the making?
Peter |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.
Previous item
