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By patterjack
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01 December 2007 |
An oddity for me
Phantom
She told me of the nagging phantom ache
that followed the removal of a limb.
She herself found no way to explain
why fingers twitched to grasp realities:
things to be seen or heard or smelled or tasted
but never again to be touched.
But I, I have no amputated arm
that pains me, or that useless reaches out,
deluding a brain that lets itself be fooled
with unconscious, ceaseless making up of tales
about the reconstruction of what was lost.
What phantom pains I have are in my heart. |
Written by Fledermaus (3492 comments posted) 1st December 2007 | | Samrt piece... Phantom pains in the heart. Does that mean he has no heart or that it is broken? | In the heart
Written by Josie (2847 comments posted) 1st December 2007 | | It is the pain that is in the heart, the pain that is not obvious to people around, which is the hardest to bear I am sure. You can feel sympathy for someone who has lost a limb or has an injury which is obvious to everyone, but pain from within is different. Even pain and levels of pain are different from one person to another - so what does this word "pain" really mean?a Well written Brian. It makes you think. |
Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 1st December 2007 | You say an oddity for you - I can see that in terms style, much looser, but also in terms of tone. One of the things that seems to mark your poetry as yours is its confident communication of ideas. This seems far more vulnerable. I don't know if that's a fair assessment - just a gut feeling.
I find it hard to see beyond the themes constantly on show on the poetry forum of late - one reason I've kept away. And this fits in its own way; yet could be applied to many things. Again, different for you. I'm rarely left doubting your overall intention.
I think the strength in this is its appeal to emotions all of us experience - but the mystery of the specific personal phantom you refer to. Not a question Brian - just an observation.
Liked this very much.
Laying bare my reaction, I'm aware I may be well off the mark - but as a piece to stir some emotional response in the reader - it certainly worked.
Phil. |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 1st December 2007 | | I like the detailed descriptions of what it feels like to lose a limb, but I find it difficult to connect that idea with the phantom pains in the heart. Maybe if you add a bit more detail to your last line, the metaphor would work better. That will be difficult to do without sounding very angsty and sorry for yourself, but perhaps worthwhile to create some real poignancy in the piece. |
Written by audrie (454 comments posted) 1st December 2007 | I had a friend who had to have her leg removed up to her knee. She could still feel her foot on the floor and various other sensations.
My interpretation is that it is our etheric bodies still in situ!
But I'm sure very few will agree with me.
Perhaps 'lingering' pain in the heart? Your heart is still in place so would it be phantom?
I don't kinow, I'm just musing! I liked the poem. | pangs and pains
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 1st December 2007 | All of you have made legitimate points : and that is why I am glad I commented on it being an oddity for me
Not really angsty in the way I think you mean GK -- and I was indeed referring to pains of rather than in the heart
My heart is indeed in place physically , Audrie.
Fledermaus got close with the no heart comment
vulnerable , Phil -- interesting thought to me
Thank you all , and Josie , it keeps me thinking still. Oddly enough !
patterjack |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3569 comments posted) 2nd December 2007 | I admit that I have been avoiding the poetry forum of late but if anyone can entice me back in again it's you.
I'm not sure why it's an oddity, I suppose it's the personal nature of the subject matter. It was, though, told in a very matter of fact way and ending as it did, suited the style of the poem. You really don't need to say anymore. You set up the allegory and then the reason for it, and left the reader of find their own links.
think it was quite a profound and subtle work, using the idea of phantom aches to lead to heart-ache because the pain isn't in the heart at all, and it does raise the question where emotional pain resides. We feel it in the heart just as people feel pain in non-existent limbs. But it's in neither place. Are we manufacturing both pains in our minds. It's a fascinating train of thought.It's such a large subject for such a small poem. Brilliantly put together. Just don't ask me about structure
Another poem to get me thinking
Jane |
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