O, to be a Happy Vegetarian

I've often said, that when I'm eating alone

I'll eat no more meat - not even a bone,

Because taking the lives of creatures it seems

Is not really not kosher, and really quite mean.

I once had a dream that I fancied some lamb

And took a sharp knife to cut the odd gram

And to my surprise, the sheep was not dead

And bleeding all over and crying in dread.

T'would be kinder to kill it, someone then said

But I couldn't do that, couldn't make him be dead.

I tried then to fix it -  to staunch all the flow.

Tried putting it back and thought I could sew.

But mealtime without meat is really quite dire.

The flavours, the choices, don't really inspire

So I'll compromise now by eating some fish

I've caught them and cleaned them, put them in a dish.

Somehow fish don't count, as their eyes don't plead

They don't cry out when you do your bad deed.

And although they do struggle to get off your line

Even Jesus went fishing, so that makes it fine.

But maybe I'd do better to fancy some peas

There's lots of variety and maybe some cheese.

Eggs are okay too, though some people say

Taking them from chickens is mean in a way.

And when we drink milk we're using the cows

Forcing them to work more than nature allows.

I guess I am destined to live with my guilt

Not spend too much worry on blood that's been spilt.