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Poetry
Air maiden
By Fledermaus
06 December 2007
Hutmaster mentioned how st. Kevin waited for a bird to nest. In Finnish mythology the world was created out of an broken egg... (Kalevala, first song). I know this can never beat the original, but it summarizes the story.

Air maid became water mother, was alone, without another

She swam over the endless lake, searching for land, a home to make

In the sky an exhausted teal, it spotted land, uttered a squeal

The bird landed on the girl's knee, barren rock without bush or tree

It laid an egg, began to breed, the maiden wept, she did not heed

But when her flesh burned by the heat, she cast the poor bird off its seat

The egg was broken and scattered, the shell's many pieces shattered

And so the wide earth was made, under the new born heaven's shade

Reviews
Air Maiden?
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3556 comments posted) 6th December 2007
Weren't they a heavy metal band in the 80s?. Shows how much I know. 
I was puzzled by your presentation, it took a while to find the rhyme and rhythm but perhaps that was your intention.If so it worked, I read it twice. 
Succinctly told and with a sound structure. 
Jane

Written by Fledermaus (3470 comments posted) 6th December 2007
Thanks BBS. 
I must admit I don't know so much about the Kalevala either, as it's difficult to read, even in translation. When I first read this part I was totally puzzled. Unlike most mythologies, it seemed like a dream, without any logic, almost as if it was written down directly from the mouth of some shaman. 
I didn't really analyze the original version, as don't know a single word of Finnish, but I did noticed it consisted of lines of 16 syllables, broken off in the middle, so I tried the same structure here to give a bit of the same feeling. I bet I must have missed out on many subtleties though...

Written by audrie (454 comments posted) 6th December 2007
I do like to learn about mythologies, and this one I had heard of, about the world coming out of an egg. 
 
But, I ask myself, if the world came out of the egg, what was here first? After all, somebody smashed it!  
 
Every religion and myth has a different story to tell and I've always believed there must be a grain of truth in a lot of these tales. Nice one, Fled!

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3556 comments posted) 6th December 2007
"I bet I must have missed out on many subtleties though..." 
 
Well I do that all the time in English without the excuse of a different language so don't worry too much about it.

Written by Fledermaus (3470 comments posted) 6th December 2007
Thanks Audrie. Good question. That was what confused me too: Here you had this maiden, a see, a sky and a teal, yet there was neither heaven nor earth... So far I found Finnish mythology the most obscure I have encountered... 
 
BBS. Thanks again :D

Written by Fledermaus (3470 comments posted) 6th December 2007
Thanks Audrie. Good question. That was what confused me too: Here you had this maiden, a see, a sky and a teal, yet there was neither heaven nor earth... So far I found Finnish mythology the most obscure I have encountered... 
 
BBS. Thanks again :D

Written by Josie (2844 comments posted) 6th December 2007
Fledermaus, this is an interesting story, but only a story. When I started reading it, I have to say, that I was searching for the rhythm that went with your rhyme. Now I realize that you were aiming at 16 syllables per line, I realize how incredibly difficult it must have been for you. So I say, "well done".

Written by Fledermaus (3470 comments posted) 6th December 2007
Thanks Josie. Of course it's just a story, but somehow Finnish mythology seems a lot more inconsistent than many other mythologies.
Kalevala
Written by seaJane (23 comments posted) 6th December 2007
I think that's because the Kalevala isn't a unified body of work - it's a collection of songs and stories and bits put together by its collector/editor. 
 
Personally speaking I'm all for inconsistency. Life would be so dull if it was all explicable and neatly fitted together ;) 
 
As for the writing; I like the way you've substituted the mid-line rhyme for the original metre (if anyone doesn't know, it's the same as 'Hiawatha' and sounds very clunky in English). All I've seen is programme notes for Sibelius' Luonnotar (same bit of text) but your translation seems pretty good to me.

Written by Phil (6951 comments posted) 6th December 2007
Interesting story, interestingly written. As good a way to explain away creation as any other myth. 
 
Phil

Written by Fledermaus (3470 comments posted) 6th December 2007
Thanks Jane and Phil. 
Jane: I learned two things from your reply, for I didn't know Hiawatha (the poem that is, for I did know of the chief and the Disney character), nor did I know Jean Sibelius. Both seem most interesting! 
 
Phil: Probably so. Most creation myths contain some strange inconsistencies. The Greeks solved a rather well though: Everything always was in the form of Chaos...

Written by seaJane (23 comments posted) 6th December 2007
Quote:
Everything always was in the form of Chaos...

 
 
Not much changed then!
Hi Fledermaus
Written by jean.day (2359 comments posted) 8th December 2007
I liked this one slightly better than the Rhine one. And I like the internal rhyme scheme.

Written by Fledermaus (3470 comments posted) 9th December 2007
Thanks Jean. Glad you enjoyed it.

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