I often see what must be Public Service Announcements addressing this perceived problem. What I can not quite figure out though, is, what exactly is the trouble? How many dysfunctional reptiles are there? How serious is this crisis? Whom exactly does this difficulty effect?

Judging from the TV advertisements it seems to be mainly older couples that are the most concerned with, or affected by, A-Reptile Dysfunction.

Having never owned reptiles, and having associated with only a small few, in my younger, single days, I have to admit that I am entirely out of the loop on this one. If anyone can enlighten me I would be most appreciative.

The A-Reptile Dysfunction spots state that their product can cure many of the common causes of the malady. However, side effects may include; “rapid heartbeat, dizziness, shortness of breath and dry mouth.”

Jeez Louise! Who needs a bunch of sweaty, dizzy, heavy breathing reptiles around?

Going back a few years now, you may remember the heated controversy surrounding the loggers out west and that whole Spotted Owl hullabaloo. Then came the Snail Darter and the Desert Tortoise hysteria.

And what birder among us could forget the Red-Headed, Double-Breasted, Bed-Thrasher alert back in ’97? That one had me focused for many months.

In those instances at least it wasn’t all owls, or all snails, just those creatures specifically designated. The Spotted, Darter and Bed-Thrasher genus’.

However, with the reptiles the case seems to be that the entire species is in danger of going dysfunctional, and at an alarming rate!

What can the average person do? It’s just not clear in the advertisements.

A colleague of mine believes that it is related to Global Warming. (Or global cooling, as the case may be.)

“This predicament seems to have manifested at about the same time as the Global Warming thing. And it seems to be growing at an alarming rate,” She says.

She might be right. I’m not certain at this point if Al Gore has addressed this issue in his presentation. Perhaps we should talk to Tipper, if it’s not too inconvenient.

And, what exactly is Tipper’s real name? Who names their child Tipper?

Could it be that Tipper’s real name is, Alice?

Often these public service announcements suggest we get in touch with someone named Alice.
They say,  “See Alice.” I’m not sure where she is or how to see her but I’m going to look into it.

I’m going to have to do a little more research before I can determine the true scope of this problem.

I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

Thanks

tom