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Written by fellpony
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06 December 2007 |
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The article neighs from its neatly fenced field
on seeing the bearer of oats,
readying itself for the saddle,
and the news piece plonks its paws on the dashboard
and pants gently with a wet-flannel tongue.
The ballad bellows under the oaks,
a stag defying all comers in its stately park;
avian odes twitter in a jewelled front garden,
sonnets purr catlike in the windowbox
and haiku nestle primly in a bud vase.
But the novel canters away over the moor,
heading for the wild mountains of film script.
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Written by Phil (6836 comments posted) 6th December 2007 | Crikey, if I had that much going on in my head I wouldn't get stuck in my writing.
The last two lines seem a little more tongue in cheek - but it depends on tone when reading how tongue in cheek the rest is. Perhaps I'm reading this in the context of your piece over on non-fiction and I shouldn't be?
I always hesitate to comment on poetic style lest I embarrass myself - but...
The first two lines had such a strong rhythm I was expecting a more patterned verse. When it didn't come, it threw me off a little and I had to start again. Could be the way I'm reading of course.
Read again - still not sure which tone to adopt.
(Whichever - like it.)
Phil | OOOOOFFFF !
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 6th December 2007 | Not to mention the odd WHEEEEE !
patterjack |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3445 comments posted) 6th December 2007 |
A lovely way to express the process. Each analogy was well judged. Nice idea and I suppose I could add :-
The odd humourous sketch
That slips quickly down the pan
To join it's compatriots.
Jane
| purring sonnets
Written by hutmaster (134 comments posted) 7th December 2007 | Full of great metaphors for the creative urge that gallops into the brain (then sadly sometimes gallops out leaving only an untidy mess!) What I especially like is that it (writing) is described in terms of the natural world whereas for some of us it feels more industrial/mechanical lol! Would that my sonnets would purr (a lovely phrase).
Like it a whole lot, FP.
hm | chuckle
Written by fellpony (1652 comments posted) 7th December 2007 | | I was struck originally by Amelia's remark about the "freedom" of writing poetry as opposed to prose, and these analogies came galloping into my head almost immediately ... plus a comment that Stephen Fry once made about poetry. |
Written by Fledermaus (3448 comments posted) 7th December 2007 | | Very charming. Now I only have to figure out what it means. Or is it just a description of how nice the countryside is? |
Written by Josie (2825 comments posted) 4th January 2008 |
Were you a horse in another life? I refer to the article neighing, the novel cantering over the moor and then "these analogies came galloping into my head". Do we give the game away by the words we choose to use? I think so. If you look at my latest poem, you can see that I was raised on ballet. twirtling, swirling, dancing, tossing, turning and walzing from the sky. Isn't it good to use analagies in writing, and you did so well. Excellent! |
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