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By Steve_K
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07 December 2007 |
I would lead you down
Fucshia fringed paths
Then stop you midway
Before you could catch your breath
Show you the flowers
Show you the flies
And then present you with the ocean
At the end of these West Cork trails
Chase you on the beach
With you chasing me
Count the grains of sand
Look up at the warm Summer sun
And kiss you in the sea
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Welcome!
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 7th December 2007 |
The English teacher in me screams: "fuschia" (easy mistake to make, and easily corrected!!  )
Then stop you midway
Before you could catch your breath
Not sure why, but for me this couplet works better than anything else - but I don't rate my own poetic sklls too highly, so you may want to wait for another comment!  |
Written by fellpony (1646 comments posted) 7th December 2007 | Pretty images (perhaps not the flies though). Liked it.
Sorry Bags, FUCHS-ia is named, and spelt, after a German botanist. Remember it's almost rude and you'll never forget it.
Wikipedia: flowering plants, mostly shrubs, which were identified by Charles Plumier in the late 17th century, and named by Plumier in 1703 after the German botanist Leonhart Fuchs (1501–1566). | thanks, Sue!
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 7th December 2007 | I was pretty sure my attempt 'looked' wrong, too, but I couldn't see WHY!!!
My knowledge of botany being c. 0/100 I suppose I should have looked in a reference book  |
Written by Livinginanattic (463 comments posted) 8th December 2007 | | Just the tonic for a cold, wet December afternoon, with some nice imagery. Enjoyed. |
Written by hutmaster (134 comments posted) 8th December 2007 | Going by title, Steve, this is an imagined companion in a real landscape. The lightness of touch matches the tone of the poem very effectively. I love the idea of 'presenting' the ocean; as though the narrator claims ownership of at least the real while in imagination this journey unfolds with a wish list of experience.
Nice work.
hm |
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