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Shorts
A Walk In the Snow
By andybyers
08 December 2007


He steps out from between the towering pines, hung heavy with wet snow. His mane is ragged, his poncho time-worn and full of stories. The wind lifts it, revealing his gun belt; all he wears beneath it. He has come armed. You would have been amazed if he had not.

The scent of his females creeps to you in a shift of the wind; the clan he has sired and shepherds is nearby. He’s at the end of his rope. This is the only reason you see him at all. His eyes are like steel, fixed on you from across the hollow. Even your horse fidgets, unnerved.

“You came alone?” he calls at last. Under the brim of your cap, you nod. Once. Sharply. You meet his gaze. You have to.

Your uniform. It still seems warm from being pressed this morning before you set out. Blood red. Commanding attention. Unmistakable in its arrogance; daring any foe to take a shot and bring millions more just like you down upon him. A single red dot in a spreading sea of changing ways, washing over the prairies.

His poncho flaps in the wind. His tail, his mane, are his only flags; the living standards of his people, pressed to the river, mournful at the prospect of crossing over, leaving all this behind, forever. But that’s why you’re here.

“You knew Greyshadow?” he calls.

Carefully, slowly, you reach into your pouch. You draw out the talisman given you long ago in a moment of peace and friendship and celebration. It’s barely visible, but in the eyes of this man, something softens… glistens.

“You did know him,” the man says.

“Yes. He called me friend. Though I knew his daughter much better.”

“And that is why you’ll help us?” His voice is cold and flat, but behind it you hear both hope and incredulity.

“I will help you,” you say, “because it is right.”

“How can we trust you?”

“I’ll be one, among many. The moment you doubt me, you’ll kill me. I’m resigned to die. I will either die at your hands, or the hands of the men I’ve just left. Which, is up to you.”

He nods. “You speak well.” He steps towards the trees. “Come. But if you would be among us,” he says, “then you must free our brother.” He means your horse. His kind do not keep horses, and kill only what they need.

You dismount, stepping down into the cold snow. You move your paws over Commander’s neck; he whickers and nuzzles into your palm. He’s a clever beast; he will make his own way back to the fort. “Good-bye, old friend,” you mutter to him, the wind kicking off your cap and sending it tumbling stupidly across the field. “Take care of yourself.” Now your mane and your tail are flags. Your only flags. You pace through the deep, wet snow towards the wild man, and whatever awaits you.

The uniform itches. It has itched for a long time.

Today is the day it comes off.

Reviews

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3449 comments posted) 10th December 2007
I wanted to understand this because is it was an arresting, well written piece but could not get a handle on it. You call them men but described animals. There was little context to orienate the reader. I find it difficult to engage with something that offers such contradictions and so little context. There was one paragraph that worked for me, the 4th about the uniform. There was story there but it didn't emerge.  
I like your style but am bewildered by the content.  
Your're free to curse my ignorance, and lack of understanding but I have at least given you the courtesy of my reaction 
Jane
Baffling
Written by ianhobsonuk (169 comments posted) 12th December 2007
Paws for thought. Well written but baffling.

Written by andybyers (176 comments posted) 12th December 2007
BBS, hi... I can understand the bewilderment. It's really just meant to be a vignette. The story probably belongs to the same worldset as Unrenaissance, in that the characters are not actually human, but rather human-like. I often find working in a medium like that frees me up from historical considerations, societal ones, even some physical limitations, while at the same time maintaining norms of character and motivation that we can still relate to. I don't have to spend ages setting up that this is a different world from ours if a character has, say, a tail... it's instantly obvious and we can take it as a given a proceed from there. 
 
This piece is real simply an examination of a moment in which a person deserts his society in preference to his moral convictions. I wanted it to bear a resemblance to our world and history without having to make too obvious a statement about any one in particular, or suggest anything that might be insulting to any one particular culture. It's not definitively tied to any other narrative at either end... what preceded it and what occurs subsequently is for the reader to speculate. The reader is simply poured for a moment into the mind and body of the soldier, and then lifted away clean again. A chance to try on new bodies and minds and points of view. You might think of it more as a brief thought experiment rather than a story.

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3449 comments posted) 13th December 2007
 
Having read your explanation I see what you set out to do and :- "an examination of a moment in which a person deserts his society in preference to his moral convictions" -is an interesting exercise.  
I see now you were talking about another world but I didn't realise as I read, which confused me. I automatically see things from this world as a default position and unless there are sufficient clues and references I continue to try and make sense of it in this world. I guess there just weren't enough clues for me to make that imaginative leap. As I say just a reaction rather than a criticism. I admit I'm probably not the target audience. but feel a little clearer now 
Jane

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