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Poetry
A CALLING OF THANKSGIVING HOME
By babyJ
08 December 2007


A CALLING OF THANKSGIVING HOME


As I stood then as I stand now; staring

at one child’s frosty breath swirling

in rusty leaves of barren elm trees,

near tangles twisted of thistle browned

and grass long entangling a split-rail fence.


Snowflakes dribbling in autistic air

dotting clumps of cornstalks ragged,

stacked and tied alongside vines

of left-over pumpkin. White wintering

coo’s radiating up from the meadow,

near the geometry of water churning,

escaping, over stone and branch broken.


Stringy clouds of hickory smoke waft

from the chimney of my mother‘s woodstove;

betray her apples of autumn potpourri-

whispers to a squirrel rooting through

hickory leaves, and the child’s course parallel

with winged poetry of geese traversing

watercolors of amethyst splashed across

a mid-morning’s sky- imagination, over the moon,

to the crunching of leaves and twig-a frontiersman

loping out of the woods; another year’s thanksgiving

gobbler dangling from his hand, a 12 gauge balanced

on his shoulder, a fatherly grin on his rustic face. . .


As I stood then as I stand now; staring,

out the nursing home window at snowflakes tumbling

about - and just beyond tiny dots of city-starved lights;

candlelit windows, a calling of thanksgiving home.

Reviews

Written by fellpony (1699 comments posted) 13th December 2007
I liked the images called up by this – a rural childhood recalled, a past contrasted with a present (fathers?) illness/age/infirmity. Thanksgiving doesn’t mean a lot to us over here, but it worked in other ways as well. There’s a misty feel of a rural early winter landscape, seen at the same season in two widely separated years. 
 
Some nitpicks: 
 
As I stood then as I stand now 
 
this construction confused me – either “as I stood then so I stand now” or the second “as” alone, "I stood then as I stand now", would have worked better for me. I didn’t find "autistic air" worked for me either. 
 
I thought the inversions for poetic effect were a bit self-conscious: thistle browned, cornstalks ragged, branch broken. Wouldn’t they work just as well in a normal speech pattern? 
 
out the nursing home window at snowflakes tumbling 
about - and just beyond tiny dots of city-starved lights;
 
 
I have to think hard to locate the nursing home, whether it is in a city, or on the edge of a city. Are the candle lit windows starved of the city or starved by the city? Should I need to struggle over this? Should it be clearer, or do you mean to leave it obscure? Your choice. 
 
Use of the - is sometimes formatted neither as a separating dash (a space either side) nor a joining hyphen (no spaces) and this punctuation made me rather struggle with the meaning on those occasions; is it meant to separate or join?  
 
a mid-morning’s sky- imagination, over the moon, 
to the crunching of leaves and twig-a frontiersman
 
 
(You have them spaced meaningfully in the concluding lines.) 
 
I liked it overall. I have made a detailed list of the nitpicks because I think the poem deserves the attention.  

Written by Josie (2844 comments posted) 13th December 2007
I liked your poem BabyJ. I thought that the writer was looking out of his window in the nursing home in which he now lives, and remembering the Thanksgiving Day of his childhood, of his mother's woodstove and the smells of the home. Only a couple of things: "winged poetry". What did you mean? The other thing was only a small thing: "twig-a frontiersman loping out of the woods:" I know you mean to have a dash after twig. You need to do space hyphen space to indicate a dash, the breaking up of words. If you don't have the spaces the words become hyphenated. I had to read this twice to realize what you meant. Ah, I see Sue mentioned it above. Very easy to correct this. Yes, I liked your imagery very much and think you did a good job with this poem.  
 
 

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