This was inspired by the recent opening of the commemorative garden to those who have died in the armed forces since 1945.
I also wanted to incorporate the story of those young men who were executed during WW1. Post traumatic stress had not, then, been identified though I still find it incredible that the authorities could not find a less terminal solution to this problem.
Apologies to anyone who has already read this on another site.
Pour
Encourager Les Autres
Last night
I scratched my name into the wall,
Something
to do, just that, for who is here
To remember
me or ever recall
My life –
my death! This wall, this war, this drear
Release
they take me to will be forgot.
Generals in
some grand chateau have signed
Away my
eighteen years for I am not
A fearless soldier
of the proper kind.
Their
sanctioned volley, though, will not revoke
This sinful
act. No pact, nor pax can make
Our dead,
their dead, reborn. No heart of oak
Or
stiffened lip’s been made that will not quake.
Historians
surmise, generals recall.
Soldiers’
names are scratched upon a wall.
|
Written by audrie (454 comments posted) 9th December 2007 |
Totally agree with you, hm, about the shooting of terrified young boys in WW1. Absolutely barbarous.
Your poem shows the inanity of wars. Good to bring it to our attention. |
Written by Fledermaus (3470 comments posted) 9th December 2007 |
And the Russians still did it in World War II. Those who retreated were deserters and were therefore shot. I wonder how many of the millions of Red Army soldiers who died in the 'Great Patriotic War' were actually shot by that same Red Army.
Is there any nation that does treat its soldiers well? |
Written by Phil (6951 comments posted) 9th December 2007 |
This read very well and explored its theme clearly, stating a point of view but not pushing it hard. Understated and effective.
Liked the flow and structure of this very much.
Only thing that struck me was: 'Something to do'
It seemed a little off hand - which I suppose it is - but for me, it didn't quite fit the whole.
Liked very much.
Phil |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 9th December 2007 |
I don't get much from this piece sorry. What you're writing about is horrifying, and your style seems too delicate and eloquent to reflect such harrowing events. It might be me but I don't detect any sadness in the voice of the narrator.
It could be the exclamation mark that's thrown me. I think the piece would seem a lot more resigned if you replaced it with "My life, my death." |
Hi
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 9th December 2007 |
I am an ex soldier and I can see this so much, so much in this,
First World War, The War to End Wars,
That's what the lads were told and they Died in their millions,
Being an ex Soldier all I can say , there is no glory in war, there is no victory, not to the the laid in the ground.
You work for your mate as he works for you.
that's it, you protect your mate, forget the f-----g politics, protect yourself, protect your mate and f--k the rest of them |
Written by hutmaster (134 comments posted) 9th December 2007 |
Hi Audrie. Yes it was an extraordinary way to deal with the situation.
An interesting question, Fledermaus. The lot of the ordinary soldier seems always to be low on the agenda of governments of whichever hue.
Hi Phil. 'Something to do' was meant to indicate the boy's sense of submission to a fait accompli.
I'll gladly settle for 'delicate and eloquent' GK. I am very pleased you detected no sadness in this as there was meant to be none. Instead, as I say above, the young man has accepted his fate and rebukes those in authority for the barbarism of their act.
I think I could forgive the boy for thinking in punctuation marks on the eve of his destruction - couldn't you?
maipenrai. Thank you. Your reaction seems appropriate to the madness of the action.
hm |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3556 comments posted) 10th December 2007 |
Any comments after Maipenrai's contribution seems a bit redundant but I will say I thought it very moving and understated. Poetry doesn't have to be wild sentiment, purple prose and stirring metaphor.Anyway, if it was a soldier speaking; they aren't given to eloquent soulful epigrams. Ithought it was truthful.
I did think the title was a bit out of sync, though.
Jane |
Written by Lizzy (827 comments posted) 11th December 2007 |
A simple but very effective piece, a lot said in few words.
Lizzy |
Written by hutmaster (134 comments posted) 12th December 2007 |
Gotta agree, Jane, about poetry not having to have the elements you mention. In fact, I'd say that more people would get more from poetry if there were to be much less of the wild sentiment, purple prose etc.
As for the title. I read that a French General had supported the execution of deserters and those accused of cowardice with this remark, which originally was applied to an English sea captain who had the misfortune of losing his ship in a much earlier campaign.
Lizzy. Hi. 'Simple and effective' is enough for me to be going on with, thank you. |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.
Previous item
