A bored moment. I crave your indulgence.
It's too silly for words but don't tell the Sun editor
The bizarre story of the 'canoe man' has taken a new twist with John Darwin’s admission of what happened to him. He claims that the insurance scam was his wife’s idea and she persuaded him to hide in the adjoining house, which could be reached through a fake wardrobe.
He says he regrets going along with it, now. He maintains that she didn’t specify which wardrobe and he, accidentally, went through the wrong one and spent the last five years in Narnia.
Anne Darwin disputes this and claims he has always had an unhealthy interest in religious allegory.
Mr Darwin, however, says if he is allowed back through the wardrobe he can bring witnesses to back his story, namely: Tumnus the faun, Mr and Mrs Beaver and Aslan, who are all willing to corroborate his story.
Police have expressed reservations about this course of action.
“Even if we did allow him to use their evidence, the quarantine period would make it unworkable, and we do not have the facilities to house animals in court. I'm sure there are by-laws against taking evidence from blatant religious metaphors”, said an officer. Mr Darwin is considering an appeal to the ice queen. The case continues.
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Written by Lizzy (782 comments posted) 10th December 2007 |
Made me chuckle Jane.
What a shame more news stories are not like this, or am I not reading the correct newspapers?
Lizzy |
Written by hutmaster (134 comments posted) 10th December 2007 |
I think we will have to live with Mr Darwin for a while yet, Jane. The 'wardrobe' incident is genuinely funny and well worked. For something written in 'a bored moment' this reads nicely.
hm |
Written by Phil (6439 comments posted) 10th December 2007 |
Enjoyed this. Loved the line:
he has always had an unhealthy interest in religious allegory.
A bored moment for you, but a good read for me.
Phil. |
Hi Jane
Written by jean.day (2208 comments posted) 11th December 2007 |
I liked it too. The passage from one house to the other was just asking for somebody to pick it up - and you did.
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Written by fellpony (1522 comments posted) 11th December 2007 |
| I'm so glad you took this one on Jane, because my take on it was along the lines of "The Liar, the Switch and the Wardrobe", and it wasn't nearly as funny. Good one! |
Written by woody44 (768 comments posted) 11th December 2007 |
As always with your pieces Jane, very well thought out. Worth a punt at one of the Nationals? or have you already sent it to the Sun...
Smashing stuff
Roger |
enjoyed ...
Written by patterjack (1096 comments posted) 11th December 2007 |
... your usual wit .
But I wonder at how he got away with it for so long -- what is wrong with the insurance investigators ??
We down here have lately lost a kayaker trying to make it alone to Kiwiland ( why would he want to ? ) and now there are two others in one kayak hoping to get there, but battling very bad weather . Fingers crossed !
I am pleased to say that I myself have absolutely no sense of adventure ! Keep your kayaks I cry !
patterjack
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Get back, Loretta!
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 11th December 2007 |
Mmmmm. Not your best piece. You could have made soooooooo much more of this! But a smile nonetheless. Trouble is you have got so busy in the real world you cannot be arsed to perfect stuff for GW. AND THAT'S HOW IT SHOULD BE!! Well done. Now back to the real world!
Slan! |
Written by Livinginanattic (454 comments posted) 11th December 2007 |
This raised a chuckle or two. The real story is bizarre enough but you've managed to give it an extra surreal twist. Nice work.
Ben |
Written by bluecity (338 comments posted) 12th December 2007 |
The Darwins is an amazing story and I suppose it will run and run. We will no doubt get the film, the feature-length film adapted for television, the book about the film and the T-shirt.
The actual story is so obviously bizarre that it would seem difficult to think of anything to add, but you have. Loved the Narnia bit. Loved the bit about the police not having the facilities to house animals. That is exactly what their reaction WOULD be!
The weakest line, however, was "Police have dismissed this idea outright." I think you need to rephrase that one line only.
Brilliant piece of work! I don't know what you're doing in the "real world", Jane, (geraldconnelly's comment) but I certainly don't think it's affecting your writing.
Rosemary |
Written by Fledermaus (3160 comments posted) 15th December 2007 |
If I were him, I'd hide in the wardrobe for as few more years...
Somehow the connection between Narnia and the present day world reminded me of the Southpark episode where they're building a tower to heaven. As soon as it was found out the place existed the scare-mongering started and the US army prepared to invade.
Did you read about that Indian judge who summoned two deities as witnesses btw? See:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7132124.stm
Since when does the court have jurisprudence over deities? |
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