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Science Fiction and Fantasy
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| Patterns (part TWO) | |
| By Carina | ||||
| 10 December 2007 | ||||
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The story continues. Please leave comments. I live for them. The teenage girl locked the door to her room and sat down in front of her computer. She put a record on and started typing: Dear someone. I have waited for your response, but you don’t seem to notice me. Have you read my messages? Have you seen my hand, how it reaches out night after night in hope of being held? She leaned back and gathered her thoughts. Behind her, young woman sat on the floor, blowing bubbles of a yellow chewing gum. The girl in front of the computer failed to register the intruder and kept writing. I have tried and tried. If you don’t believe me, check the history of this chat room, and you will find me everywhere, reaching out for you, dear someone. I don’t understand how you can be so blind? How can you fail to see my desperate attempts to call for help? The woman on the floor blew another bubble. With a loud pop it burst, but the girl typing her story heard nothing. It wasn’t time just yet. Dear someone. When you eventually notice this, it will be on your conscience. I will be gone and you will wonder why you never answered. Yes, someone, I’m angry with you. I despise you for not catching me as I fall. It would have been so simple for you to save my life, but you chose not to. Dear someone. Someone on this chat.… Anyone? She paused for a second, staring at the screen, hoping for a reply. The music kept playing. The screen remained blank. She hit the keys hard, tears running down her face: WHY DOESN’T ANYONE CARE??? She put her fist through the screen, causing it to crack and flicker out. She shook and sobbed hard, picking something up from her back pocket. The woman on the floor got to her feet and spitted the gum in the wastebasket. She studied the posters on the walls. All of them were torn to pieces, and here and there she could see phrases like “life beyond death will be better” and “can you even see me?” written with a black marker. The girl gasped behind her and she turned around. Crimson colored fluid gushed from open wounds slit vertically on each of her wrists. The tortured girl looked up at her. “Oh… I thought… I would have to do this on my own, too,” she said and stared at her own wrists. “No, Bianca. I’ll stay with you.” Bianca breathed slowly and blinked drowsily. “Your name is Laken. How do I know that?” she said and let the blunt knife fall to the floor. Laken picked it up and wiped the blood away. She put it on the desk and crouched in front of Bianca. Laken’s gaze was blue, almost violet. She looked into Bianca’s blue eyes and took her hands, letting the blood trickle over them both. For a moment, all that existed was the music, still playing. Then Laken smiled. “Are you ready to go?” she said and squeezed Bianca’s hands, reassuringly. Bianca nodded and glanced at her smashed screen. One hand left Laken’s. Bianca typed one last sentence. Laken watched her fingers move across the keys: Remember me. Bianca as she collapsed on the floor. Laken positioned the dying girl as comfortable as possible on the pink carpet. The blood was slithery and thick, and she had to watch her step not to slip. Footsteps echoed in the corridor outside. Laken could hear Bianca’s parents call her name and bang hard at the door, demanding her to open up. Laken looked down at the girl who smiled and nodded. Something shimmered above her for a second, and vanished. Laken sighed and stood up. She tried to wipe the blood from her hands and face, then walked over to the locked door and turned the key. Her parents stormed the room. Laken watched the scene. Bianca’s mother shrieked in horror and fainted. He father walked, as in a dream, over to the body and fell to his knees beside his daughter. Laken put her hand in her pocket and produced another chewing gum. She un-wrapped it and watched the body of Bianca. She considered the positioning and decided she liked it. It looked peaceful enough. She blew a bubble and let it burst. No one noticed her. She put her hood up and left the room, crooning on the song Bianca had chosen for her last minutes in life. ~ ~ ~ “Will, I need to ask you something.” Eric and his brother sat on the balcony, drinking beer. Behind them, the party was in full swing. “What do you wanna know?” William said. “It’s about Kira.” “What about her?” “I met her on the train today. We had some pizza, I spilled beer on her, and…” “Yeah, she told me! Eric, go for it. She’s worth the ride.” “…. Oh. Okay… No! That’s not what I meant!” Eric said and waved his hands about. “I saw her back.” Will sighed. “Yeah, nasty business.” “Do you know who did it? I mean, it must take a lot to hurt someone like that…” William tilted his chair back.“I met Kira some months ago at a bar. We had a few beers and went to my place. Before she left the next morning, I gave her my number. Four days ago, she called me. She asked if she could stay here for a while and of course, I said yes. I mean, just… look at her. Would you have said no?” Eric shook his head and William continued.“Well, two hours later she stood in my hallway, pale as a fucking ghost. I helped her off with the jacket and she keeled over. I saw burns, bruises and blood and called an ambulance which came and… I suppose she got the proper treatment. She seems fine now.” Eric frowned. “She never told you what happened?” William shook his head. “And now everything is back to normal, like it never happened. And refuses to wear the bandages,” he muttered and rose. “It’s time to re-join the party, Eric.” After a few too many shots, Eric lay in the sofa, laughing. William was using the karaoke-machine, bellowing something supposedly meant to resemble “A little less conversation” by Elvis Presley. He really was a shockingly bad singer, but a great entertainer, dancing wildly in front of a very grateful audience. As he took a bow, Eric sat up straight and applauded him. In the corner of his eye, he spotted Kira. He wiped away the tears of laughter and glanced timidly at her. She was talking to a couple of girls, smiling politely. Almost as if feeling his eyes on her, she turned her head in his direction. Eric gulped and lowered his gaze. He couldn’t quite explain it, but every time their paths had crossed during the evening, his surroundings had felt cold and eerie. Passing her brought an uncanny sensation. Having eye contact with her felt even worse. So, there he stood, staring at the ceiling. William patted him on the back. “Thanks for the tremendous support, I really needed it. Oh, especially thanks for laughing your ass off!” William said and gave Eric a meaningful stare, but Eric wasn’t paying him attention at all. He once more glanced at Kira. She turned her head and they connected. Though a long way away, her eyes managed to pierce him right through the heart. She gave him a crooked smile and disappeared in the mass of people. Eric stood up and scanned the crowd. Unsteadily he started searching for her, and as he turned a corner, he spotted her in a dimly lit corner, leaning against a wall. Eric stopped and hesitated. His heart and mind were filled to the brim with excitement. At the same time, caution fought for a place where it could be heard. The sane part of Eric tried to resist the urge to walk over. She inclined her head at him, politely but slyly, and walked inside William’s guestroom. Eric’s sanity lost, and he followed. He closed the door and stared at his hand, resting on the door knob. A little too frightened to look around, he cleared his throat. “So… Are you having fun?” he said, still facing the door. He could hear her move about and wondered what she was doing. “Excuse me?” she answered in a confused tone of voice. “Yeah, at the party.” “Oh, the party! Yes, it’s fun. I’m getting to know people. People are fun.” Eric smiled a little and relaxed. He turned around and Kira’s icy, gleaming gaze focused on him, but now he courageously returned the stare. “Can I ask you something?” he began, but as Kira closed in on him, put her hands on his torso, he lost his focus and coughed. “What do you want, Eric?” Kira asked, running her fingers over his chest, arms and up his neck. He determinedly harrumphed, and continued. “Your, uhm, back. The scars.” “Yes?” Eric raised his eyebrows high and looked at her. “What do you mean ‘yes’? What the hell happened?” he said, taking a step back. Kira sat down on the bed. “I hope you’re thinking of leaving that dude. He’s crazy.” She sighed, took his hand and tugged at it. He sunk down next to her and she leaned against his shoulder. “I’m as single as a girl can get,” she said, laying down, her head in his lap. He hesitated for a second, and then ran his fingers through her thick, blonde hair. But no matter how lovely this was, he still couldn’t get the image of her burned back out of his mind. He clenched his fist in anger. “I hope you have someone to talk to…” he said. She sighed deeply and turned in his lap, looking up at him. “I’m fine, there is nothing to…” “Damn it, Kira, “ Eric said, pushing her away, “I don’t think you have anyone to talk to, so you will not leave this room until you talk to me,” he said. Kira smiled at him. “Is that so?” “We’re not leaving this room until you let me help you,” Eric continued, crossing his arms. Kira sat up next to him, watching him keenly. Beginning to loose his confidence, Eric tried again. “I’m serious! Talk to me, tell me what the hell has…” Kira leaned forward and her lips met his. A hundred different feelings battled for space in the depths of his heart and mind. Her hands searched his and fingers entwined. Eric inhaled heavily and no scars or burns mattered any more. All that mattered was filling the void between them. Eric panted and tried to resist the temptation one last time, closed his eyes, tried to do the right thing, to focus, to… Wake up, bro!” With a distinct taste of alcohol in his mouth and with a headache larger than life, Eric forced his eyes open and had a look around. Surrounded by beer bottles, he found himself in a twisted position on the bed in William’s guestroom. “You look like crap, my friend,” William said and gave him a glass of water. “Didn’t see you much last night. What happened?” Eric tried to recall last night’s events, but simply couldn’t. He sat up, rubbed his eyes and drank the water. “I don’t really remember,” he said, looking surprised. “Nothing comes to mind.” “Well, that’s weird,” William responded and leaned against the wall. Eric scanned his memory for a while with a puzzled expression on his face. William looked at him with his arms crossed over his chest. “What about Kira?” Eric stared at the wall in front of him. Memories started to come back, one after one. He put the pieces together in his mind. The scent of roses. A taste of cider. Soft lips, and… He got to his feet quickly. “Oh no!” he yelled, “I’m such an idiot!” Eric rushed out of the room with William close after. He hastily put his jacket and shoes on. “Wait a minute, what are you… What’s up, dude?” William said and Eric faced him. “I slept with her. I think I did. I’m sorry.” “No need to apologize, it’s not like we…” “I wanted her to tell me about the scars, but she kissed me and I fell for it like a fucking idiot! I’m such a looser!” he said, opening the door. William grabbed Eric by the arm. “Calm the fuck down!” “I need to find her, don’t I? Tell her I’m sorry for being the typical male, right?” he said, but William shook his head. “You didn’t force her, why apologize?” The phone rang and William picked it up. “You stay put, alright?” Eric nodded and thought about last night. He didn’t like it. He could remember everything now. He had not been a gentleman, and he had fallen asleep afterwards… He put his head in his hands and sighed. William got off the phone, looking numb. Eric watched him, worried. “Who was it? What’s the matter?” he asked. “Dad suffered a heart attack last night,” William answered.“Oh…” “He’s dead.” Time stood still for a while. Eventually, Eric opened the door. “Come on. Let’s visit mum.” ~ ~ ~ Veronica Field was sitting in an uncomfortable chair, staring at the opposite wall. There was a vending machine in the room and it would only take her five steps to reach it, but she couldn’t move. She was hungry, but didn’t realize it. She was tired but couldn’t sleep. The phone in her purse had been ringing several times, but moving her arms was too difficult. She had thought about having a cigarette to calm her nerves, but felt it was highly inappropriate due to last night’s events. A young woman in her passed her by. Veronica cleared her throat. She opened her mouth but didn’t seem know how to speak properly. The woman stopped and tilted her head. “Can I get you some water?” she said and Veronica nodded gratefully. Coins were put into the machine and two thuds sounded. The woman bent down and picked up the two bottles of mineral water. She opened the bottle for Veronica and they drank in silence. Veronica sighed and smiled a little. “Thank you…” “No problem. It’s hard to do the simplest of things when you’re sad,” the woman said, staring at the wall. Veronica chuckled. “I must look like a mess.” “You’ll get better.” Veronica shrugged. “I guess you’re right. It just feels so hard. I loved him. He has always been there for me and now he’s gone forever,” she said and quickly wiped the tears away. “Yeah, he’s gone. This is a change you never asked for, but a change still. You need to adapt. It will take some time, but you will be okay. Won’t you?” Veronica watched the bubbles for a while, thinking of what the woman had just said. She nodded. “I’ll be just fine. My life ain’t over. Far from it, she said and smiled. “I’m just afraid of what people will think of me if I don’t cry enough, mourn enough… What if they think of me as selfish?” The young woman smiled widely. “Bad friends. Who decided sadness must be the answer to all of this?” she mused. Veronica looked at her and then extended her hand. “My name is Veronica.” The woman shook it. “Kira.” “Kira? I’ve heard your name before…” “I live with your son. With Will.” Veronica looked surprised, and Kira continued. “I’ve seen you around here and there with William, he introduced us to each other about two weeks ago, but I understand if you don’t remember me very well, and..” “Are you his girlfriend?” Veronica interrupted, smiling happily. Kira laughed a little and shook her head. “That’s too bad! I really like you, Kira.” William and Eric entered the hospital and rang the bell at the reception. Waiting for the nurse, William looked at Eric. “So how was she?” “Stop,” Eric warned. William pinched him.“Will, what the hell?!” William pinched him again.”Alright! It was great! I loved it! Are you happy now?” “She’s really something. It’s such a rush… Don’t you think?” Eric turned away, blushing. “It was okay, I suppose…” The nurse led them through a long, narrow corridor. Eric felt William glance in his direction and sighed. “What now?” “Do you want me to back off?” William asked and Eric nodded. “Yeah, back off with all the questions, that’d be great, thanks.” William quieted down for a while, then hawked annoyingly. Eric stopped and stared angrily at him. “What?!” William smiled. “I meant me being close to Kira. Do you want me to back off?” The nurse looked at them both. “Shall we… continue?” William waved his hand dismissively. “One second,” he said and Eric rolled his eyes. “Come on, Eric. You’ve met her once or twice, but it’s already written all over you. You dig this chick.” Eric blushed and quickly turned to the nurse, who was now smiling. He grunted. “Can we please go and take care of mum now?” The nurse nodded politely and scurried along with Eric and William following behind. As they reached their mother, they hugged her and sat down. “Hey mum,” Eric said, holding her hand, “We’re so sorry.” Their mother looked at them and smiled. “Your father was a good man, you know. Learn from him.” “Have you eaten anything?” William asked. “I have eaten and I’m fine, honestly, boys!” she said and smiled even bigger. Eric and William looked at each other, confused. Eric put his hand on her shoulder. “So... everything’s alright with you? Ready to head home?” “I’ll miss your father, but Kira helped me cope,” she said and stood up. William helped her up and smiled. “Well, that’s wonderf… Kira?” A door opened and Kira stepped out into the waiting room again. A doctor was talking to her and Eric picked up words like ‘long time to heal’ and ‘no sudden movements’ and ‘if you need someone to talk to…’Veronica poked William in the side. “You should date her!” William glanced at Eric, who turned red. Kira approached them, smiling. As William reached out to hug her, she took a step back. “Oh, I get it! You’ve just checked those… Are you alright?” William said and run his fingers through her hair. Eric watched them from the corner of his eye and felt oddly jealous. “It hurts a little, but I’ll manage,” Kira said, and Eric saw her caressing his cheek. He pressed his jaws together and put his hands in his pockets. “Shall we go, then?” They all walked out into the daylight. Eric followed the three smiling people, feeling slightly concerned. He was happy his mother found some peace in this mess, he truly was. But still. This was not how things ought to work. ~ ~ ~ Yumiko and Talon sat at a table, talking and laughing. Gabriel and Laken joined them. Beside them, another man stood. Yumiko waved happily. “Hello David,” she said and smiled. “How are you?” “Life is decent. How are you doing?” David answered, taking a seat together with his friends. Yumiko shrugged. “I’m fine, just a little sad. You see, I dealt with this guy called Simon who was a drug addict…” Everyone around the table sighed. “Yumi, you can’t do that,” Laken said and shook her head disapprovingly, “because you will only end up alone and heart-broken.” “I know…” Yumiko mumbled. “I just really wanted him to change. Once or twice, it would feel nice to just let them live.” “Let them live?” David said and waved his hand at the waitress. “That’s not our choice. We simply transport them across in a smooth manner, nothing fancier. We can’t keep them from dying, can we?” he said and looked at Laken and Gabriel. “No, I don’t think we can prevent death,” Gabriel and turned to look at Yumiko, “And what you do is insane. I only go to my people a few minutes before they’re supposed to go, or else I’ll get to know them, and that’s…” “… wrong?” Everyone raised their heads. Kira looked down at Gabriel, frowned a little and sat down. “I like the way she does it,” she said and nodded at Yumiko who blushed. David snorted. “Of course you do,” he said. “Yeah, I do. Have you got a problem with that?” “What do you think?” “Wait a minute, you guys,” Yumiko tried, but was cut off. “David, I don’t want your opinions shoved in my face all the time!” Kira said and stared at him. “I really hate it when you…” “May… I take your order?” She looked up. The waitress had reached their table. The others ordered. “Nothing for me,” Kira mumbled and the waitress left. Gabriel looked at Kira. “It’s good to see you again,” he said. “It definitely is,” Laken agreed, “How are you feeling?” “I’m fine,” Kira lied and David rolled his eyes. “You’re fine?” he said and crossed his arms over his chest. “Because I remember rescuing you from a bathtub filled with glowing charcoal,” he said with gritted teeth. Yumiko gasped and held her hands over her mouth. “David, stop it,” Laken demanded, “you’re not helping.” He quieted down reluctantly. The beverages arrived. Taking a sip of whiskey, Gabriel leaned back and sighed. He was just about to speak, when Kira shook her head. “I’m not changing my mind,” she stated, watching her own hands shake, “I can’t.” “But…” “I can’t.” Everyone sat in silence. Kira leaned forward and put her head in her hands. Carefully, David leaned back and ran a finger down her spine. She shivered, took his hand by the wrist and stared at him angrily. David raised his free hand in defense. “I just want to…” “I told you I’m fine!” “And I don’t believe you,” David said and freed himself from her grip. Kira looked at him, tears gathering in her blue eyes. “You need them to grow back, and you need…” David started. “I’d better leave,” Kira interrupted him and stood up. “No, please don’t!” Yumiko said. “I’m being too judged for something I can’t help,” Kira muttered. David stood up next to her. “But you’re wrong! You can help this! Let us be there for you,” he begged. Kira sighed. Looking into her eyes, David saw confusion and fear. “I know you mean well…” she told him, “… but I’m just… so messed up.” David collapsed in his seat. Laken took a sip of her mint julep and watched Kira walk out the door. “Can we do it my way now?” she said. Gabriel looked at her with a serious expression on his face. “Yes,” he said, “now we do it your way.” ~ ~ ~ One week went by. The funeral of Eric’s father happened with men and women in black clothing having tea and biscuits, sharing memories that suddenly seemed important and relevant. Two months went by. Eric lived at the library. Eric ate pizza slices at 7eleven, then went straight back to the library. Exams came and went, results came and went. He managed yet another term with no big surprises, excitements or stories to tell. Life was studies. Library was life. He lived it. The phone rang and Eric answered. “Is this Eric Field?” The world disappeared around him, everything on mute, he heard his own heart beat. “Kira.” “Good, good, I’ve got the right number. Where are you?” she said. “7 Eleven, soon the library again,” he said, and she hung up. “Hello? Hello?” He put the phone in his pocket, paid for the croissant and coffee, and headed back to the library. He crossed the street, hurried up the stairs and walked inside. Opening his books, his thoughts wandered to Kira. Why had she called? Half an hour went by. He read his books over and over again, making a thousand notes. He reached for his coffee just to find it had gone cold. Typical. He pushed his chair back and was on his way to rise, when someone blocked his way. Looking up, Kira pierced him with her icy stare. He breathed in and forced himself to look the other way. “Kira! Ah, hi there, haven’t seen you in a while,” he managed. She sat down and put new coffee in front of him. “Thought you might need this,” she said and smiled. “Yeah, I do,” Eric answered and looked at her again. “Listen. I’m really sorry for what happened at Will’s party. I’m not normally like that,” he said to her. “You mean you’re not normally so rough, or you don’t normally fall asleep afterwards?” she said and smiled widely. Eric shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “Both…” he said and stared at the table. Her hand moved to his. He held it with care. “Will’s in Florida for two weeks,” she said and started running her fingers over his arm. “He said you’d gladly take me in for a while.” Eric’s mouth went dry. He heard himself answer ‘of course’, he felt them stand up and leave the library. Outside reality caught up with him as they made their way to the subway, going home, together. As they sat down on the train, Kira took his arm gently, leaning on it. He sat perfectly still, letting her rest for five stations. They walked to the pizzeria, ordered a vesuvio and a chicken salad to go, entered his flat, had dinner and leaned back in the sofa, satisfied. It felt natural in one way, completely strange in another. She was with him. She held his hand, not William’s. Everything was perfect. Still he felt uneasy. “Hey…” he begun and she looked at him. “I was wondering… if you could tell me a little about yourself,” he continued, resting a hand on her leg, moving it up and down. “Why?” she responded and Eric sighed. “Well, you came into our lives just like that. You lived with William for a long time, now you move on to me. I know your name but that’s it.” “Well, I only know your name and I think that’s enough. I’ve got nothing to fear. You’re not dangerously violent, even if you like it rough,” she said and Eric blushed. “What do you want to know about me?” she said, positioning herself with her head in his lap. He watched her body. He didn’t want to talk anymore. He wanted to touch and feel, but closed his eyes went on. “Why are you hiding here?” he said, looking out the window. “Who says I’m hiding? I’m not. Not really. I just need a break,” she said, changing position. He looked back and saw bandages over her back through the thin material of her blouse. He asked her about the break. “Just from my life, you know. Sometimes you wonder where you’re going, and if you’re making the right decisions. When reality is too real, you need to get away to view it all from a distance,” she explained and made herself even more comfortable in his lap. “Yeah, okay. I can buy that…” He was lost for words again. “Where do you want me?” she said and he pointed toward the bed. “You’re not sleeping on this couch, that’s murder,” he said, smiling a little. “I’m not that easy to kill,” she whispered and blinked at him. She walked to the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Eric, tired from a long exhausting day, drifted off. He dreamed of his teacher having an exam, just for him. He handed in the paper, sweating as he watched the red marker point out all his errors. The teacher sighed and shook his head disapprovingly. Eric dreamed of the ocean, a clear blue ocean that became two pair of eyes, watching him closely. Kira was entering his dream, her eyes digging deep, reaching for his heart and squeezing it between small fingers. He gasped for air and begged her to stop. She kissed him and watched him take his last breath. He was floating in pitch black nothingness and the only thing he could feel were Kira’s hands moving over his body. “I’m sorry,” she whispered softly, “but this is what I do.” With a jerk, Eric entered reality again, breathing heavily, sweat running off his face. It was four in the morning and Kira was asleep. He went into the bathroom to have some water, but didn’t reach the sink before throwing up over the floor. Pictures flickered in his mind. Short, fast images of blood and violence appeared before his eyes. He screamed in agony and he cried the tears of Kira. He saw the blood on her hands. He saw soot on the floor, and he felt his own back burn. It was unbearable. Eric began questioning what was reality or not and tried to touch Kira where she sat, covered in blood. His hands went right through her and the images disappeared. He lifted the toilet lid and made another effort to vomit, spewing phlegm. “It’s in your blood,” he heard a man whisper, and he spun around, frightened. Images appeared again. Kira sat on the floor, a man looking down at her. “This will change nothing,” he continued.The man lifted Kira to her feet and ran his fingers down her back. “You idiot, you’ve destroyed them all.” The images faded and Eric’s head hit the floor. He hyperventilated, trying to hold still. He was afraid of moving, causing terrible things to appear again. For ten minutes he lay there before getting to his feet. He cleaned the floor with shaky hands. Laying down on the sofa again, he watched Kira. He wondered, as he slowly drifted off again, what on earth was going on.
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