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By hutmaster
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14 December 2007 |
This is, I suppose, a 'sister' poem to an earlier one - 'Pour encourager les Autres'.
I dreamed last night of my valley.
Green and peaceful it is.
Slow wagons of unburdened past
creak down berry-bright lanes.
That last harvest, saved and stacked,
bristles and quakes in fields
where mud is but good earth
turned up by good men,
and the bells of Sunday toll
us to chapel from our beds,
where I've dreamed again of Molly
falling, falling into my arms.
I awake to
dull gunboom torturing the air.
Mudstuck tumbrils grumble by
abrim with glum, unready heroes.
And they will tie me to a post
and they will load and aim
and they will fire at my heart
but they will miss my heart
for I bequeathed my target heart
in its last unhurt murmuring
to beat in still valleys,
unappalled, unafraid, unashamed.
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Written by Josie (2786 comments posted) 14th December 2007 | | I can see in your poem that you are contrasting two different worlds, but, without any explanation as to where or who, it is difficult for people to understand. Perhaps a little in the non-fiction explaining the situation would be helpful. For example, this could refer to my father and the first world war. One minute he was in the setting which introduces your poem and then, when he joined up, he was in the front line at the last Battle of the Somme. Are you referring to the First World War or to another war? |
Written by hutmaster (134 comments posted) 14th December 2007 | Not exactly sure what your difficulty is, Josie. The location and the date are not important. It's about a young soldier's last hours and how he faces them; the point is the manner of his death and the appalling situation in which he finds himself.
Sorry if this is not apparent.
hm |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 14th December 2007 | I see this as a much more personalised view of the same subject. I thought it worked very well and had no problem with the switch in perspective. The clue was "I awake to"
It reminded me of "Naming of Parts" by Henry Reed which used the same contrasting device. There were some very telling lines, my favourite
"abrim with glum, unready heroes"
But this was far more than just a contrast of themes.He seemed to make a nonsense of their murderous brutality by saying his heart was not there to be shot at. And the last line was strangely uplifting and defiant. Don't know about the structure but the content spoke volumes
Jane |
Written by Lizzy (800 comments posted) 14th December 2007 | I'm with Jane. Read your last poem and thought it was good. I think this says even more.
Thought the last verse very moving.
Good one.
Lizzy |
Written by audrie (451 comments posted) 14th December 2007 | I think Josie thought it was the first world war as that was the only war in which young boys were tied to a post and shot, for supposed desertion.
Very moving poem and you are rightly angry about these subjects. I just wish that the people who start wars had to go and fight them.
Didn't see Tony Blair sending his son to Iraq! |
Written by hutmaster (134 comments posted) 14th December 2007 | Henry Reed's 'Naming of Parts' is a wonderful poem, Jane, and I am honoured that this effort reminded you of it. The structure? Well, it was meant to be a little disjointed to chime with the boy's thought processes as his time ran out. Apart from that I can't say there was much structure to it. The other poem 'Les Autres' was written as a sonnet to give it a more 'solid' feel throughout and to echo some of the best from WW1.
Lizzy. Thanks for reading. I was looking for a little bit more of the personal in this one.
Audrie. Hello. I thought that Josie was looking for more specificity within the poem and, as it has been presented (warts and all) I would be reluctant to include such detail.
hm |
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