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Poetry


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I long to be touched

By punchy

14 December 2007

I long to feel loved
to be touched
I long to be noticed
         wanted so much

I need to feel special
       to breath in
        I need to taste pleasure
            way down within

          I want to sink in
                     to share sleep
             I want to embrace
               close and so deep

But I won't let it go
      bound up too tight
I'll never feel pleasure
                           only feel fright

Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3160 comments posted) 14th December 2007

So your husband should be careful about what he says and how tight his embrace is...

Nice poem

Written by audrie (444 comments posted) 14th December 2007

Undo all those knots and let it all flow
Abandon yourself - go on - give it a go!

I Long to be Touched
Written by embro (126 comments posted) 14th December 2007

There is great tenderness in your words and the piece flows nice and gently.
I like poems that show underlying emotions and yours is packed with them.
best regards
embro

so
Written by fellpony (1519 comments posted) 15th December 2007

So, is one of those words that gets misused in poetry. You've overused it twice and missed a good place to use it as well!

It always jars me to read that any word is "so" something or other (you wrote "so much" and "so deep" here). Even if it goes with the rhythm it adds nothing; try to avoid it. Yet you could have used it in the last stanza instead of "too" -

"wound up so tight [that] I'll never feel pleasure, only feel fright."

A sad little piece, despite the rather jaunty rhythm being at odds with the meaning. (Hope it isn't a personal poem, punchy!)

Fellpony
Written by punchy (384 comments posted) 15th December 2007

Thankyou so much for some proper advise. I have been long awaiting someone to give me real pointers to how to write poetry. I take all you've said and will re write it.
This is sad I know and although I feel vulnerable admiting it, it is from the heart, unlike many of the others I have written apart from Mrs Herd and Munchkin which was almost autobiographical. Shit I'm slightly drunk I hope my mother doesn't read this or anyone else who knows me! :eek

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