" Tell me about the barbarians!", she cried cheerfully as she rushed into the house,
" Tell me, elder brother..."
The young man was sitting on the bench near the window staring at the trees thoughtfully.
" Tell me."
He turned towards his sister slowly, and his face was pale and grim.
" The things I have seen are too horrible to tell you about," he said
" But..."
" Go get the first brother. We must act."
" Yes elder brother."
A moment later another young man came in with a worried look upon his face.
" Little sister said you saw things too horrible to tell her. Are you all right, younger brother?", he said.
" I am all right. I haven't touched anything, but it was terrible. Those 'people', they are not humans, they are demons, man-eating demons."
" What do you mean?"
" I witnessed their ritual. They stood there in their temple, in front of the statue of that tortured man and then they poured blood in a cup, human blood!"
" How do you know it wasn't an animal's blood?"
" Because I asked one of the converts what the words meant. He said they said it was the blood of their deity's son. And then they dipped his flesh into it and the people ate the flesh and drank from the cup. The demons had turned them into cannibals."
" But how could that be? If someone was murdered we would know."
" What about the orphans they collected? Do you know all of them?"
" But... That's horrible! They said they would care for them and educate them."
" And then eat them..."
" But why?"
" To become immortal. Demons have to prey on the living for life breath. Don't you know the stories about the evil alchemists in antiquity?"
" I thought they were fairytales."
" Apparently they aren't. We could have known, we could have known..."
" If what you say is true, we must do something..."
" Indeed we must!"
--
The priest stroked his long beard and looked at the empty church. It had been a fruitful day. Everyone had attended the mass and there was this newcomer, a curious young man, who asked a lot of questions to the regular visitors. He seemed very impressed at the Communion ceremony, although as a pagan he could of course not join.
There was a knock on the door and when the priest called the visitor in, he saw it was one of the first women he had converted. Tears were running down her cheeks and her eyes were filled with fear.
" You must flee!", she cried," They are coming for us!"
" Calm down, calm down. Who is coming for us?"
" Everyone! They say you're a demon and we are traitors."
" This must be a misunderstanding. I'll see if I can calm them down."
" No please, don't go outside!"
--
One year later, a girl stood in the ruins of her house. Her clothes were torn and blood stained. She was alone, all alone. Her brothers were gone, the village was destroyed and the world ravaged. The demons had returned, in large numbers, carrying horrible weapons.
Where could she go? Her world was gone...She walked to the well behind the house and looked into the depths. Hell couldn't be so bad compared to earth. She leant forward and let herself fall down into the darkness.
--
Far, far away, in a land on the western edge of the world, a priest kneeled before a cross and folded his hands. He had seen things beyond his imagination, things too horrible too describe... All because of a misunderstanding.
|
Written by Lizzy (827 comments posted) 14th December 2007 |
This was well written Maus. I quickly caught on to what it was about but that didn't spoil it. If you think about communion and its place in Christianity it is quite barbaric. I was brought up as a Catholic and we were told that the 'host' was changed into the body and blood of Christ, Transubstantiation.. We were told to believe, not question. I'm afraid I couldn't do that. Lizzy |
Written by Fledermaus (3477 comments posted) 14th December 2007 |
Thanks Lizzy. The idea for this actually came from something I read about Chinese history. Apparently such misunderstandings did occur in the 19th century and they may well have contributed to the cruelties towards Christians during the boxer rebellion... Cultural differences seem to have caused a lot of trouble in the past. |
Written by johniebg (553 comments posted) 14th December 2007 |
This felt incomplete. What I wanted to hear and thought the story needed was the detail of wherever the boy had been. I liked the reference to the older/younger brothers - this grounded the scene but other than that I had no real idea what the misunderstanding was, who the bloke in the church was and what all the drinking blood from the cups was about. This all sounds negative, I am sorry, as your stories very often entertain but this lost me. |
Written by Fledermaus (3477 comments posted) 14th December 2007 |
Hi Johnie. The whole misunderstanding is the ritual of the Communion, whereby people drink red wine and eat bread symbolizing the blood and flesh of Christ. It's one of the main rituals of a Roman Catholic mass and probably also of the Anglican church and certain protestant groups. For someone who has never seen red wine, doesn't know the background of the ritual, and furthermore is brought up with fairy-tales about man-eating demons, this must look gruesome. |
Written by Fledermaus (3477 comments posted) 14th December 2007 |
Hi Johnie. The whole misunderstanding is the ritual of the Communion, whereby people drink red wine and eat bread symbolizing the blood and flesh of Christ. It's one of the main rituals of a Roman Catholic mass and probably also of the Anglican church and certain protestant groups. For someone who has never seen red wine, doesn't know the background of the ritual, and furthermore is brought up with fairy-tales about man-eating demons, this must look gruesome. |
Not quite there Written by John_O (149 comments posted) 15th December 2007 |
Hi Maus I followed ther communion 'misunderstanding' thread pretty well as I was well aware of the rites but I diidn't twig it was set in China. Can I suggest that you describe the people more, their faces their clothing so that we get the total picture better. It is a strong work touching upon the, still very relevant, tragic consequences of ill informed people on both sides of the religious divide. John_O |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3557 comments posted) 15th December 2007 |
As an ex-catholic I picked up the cues and knew what was going on but didn't know it was set in China. I thougth it was a very good story and would work as a modern-day parable. Religions are very insular and it is good for them to see themselves as other might see them. I thought the mannered speech gave it the feel of a fable and with a bit more context it would make a very good one. Worth working on, I think. This sort of thing should be required reading in all Christian schools cheers Jane |
Written by Fledermaus (3477 comments posted) 15th December 2007 |
Thanks John and Jane, In fact I originally did have references in it about mulberry trees, opium, the humiliated empire and so on, but, on rereading it, I felt that it may not necessarily have been set in China, as I can imagine similar misunderstandings in nearly every country which faced missionaries and imperialism... Between the Spanish and the Incas and Aztecs there were also misunderstandings about Christianity, and similarly for the Portuguese and the Indians. The inspiration came from what I read about the boxer rebellion, but I tried to leave the setting open for interpretation. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3557 comments posted) 15th December 2007 |
Yes on consideration I think you were right to leave the setting open. After all, wherever Christianity has tried to impose itself, it's always been bad news for the locals. It could apply to so many places. Still think it could be a bit longer. |
Written by Phil (6951 comments posted) 15th December 2007 |
Good idea and well woven, but I too thought this could have been longer. Almost the bare bones here. I'll not repeat what has been written above - but I do think this would be worth developing. Phil |
Written by Fledermaus (3477 comments posted) 15th December 2007 |
Thanks again Jane and thanks Phil. Stripped a little too much away then, I fear... |
Written by CadburyCountry (14 comments posted) 20th December 2007 |
I too 'got' what you were meaning fairly quickly but that did not lessen its power and the twist with the use of 'barbarians' was very clever. I found the first two sections worked very well but think there was too great a jump to section three - we can guess what had happened in that intervening year but why - if a year had passed - was the girl only bloodstained and distraught now? As others say, what is here is good and is worth developing further. |
Written by Fledermaus (3477 comments posted) 20th December 2007 |
Thanks CC. Somehow I didn't know how to end it really. Hence the jumps from scene to scene. As it was inspired by what I read about the boxer rebellion, I imagined that the rioters may have joined the boxers (as their ideas overlapped) and that the village was destroyed by European forces. The priest somehow miraculously escaped and returned to Europe, disillusioned by everything. Or something similar. |
HI Fledermaus Written by jean.day (2361 comments posted) 21st December 2007 |
I'm coming to this late, and nearly everybody has said what I might have said. I wanted more, but felt that the confusion of religious rituals was something that perhaps needed to be pointed out. Missionaries of any religion are so sure they are right - and therefore everybody else is wrong. I must say reading it made me feel uncomfortable. |
Written by Fledermaus (3477 comments posted) 21st December 2007 |
Thanks Jean. Writing it made me feel uncomfortable too ;-) It's interesting and tragic how people misinterpreted each other in the past (and still). Perhaps if they'd take a bit more time to understand each other, they might be able to prevent a lot of wars... |
Written by ss_albatross (3 comments posted) 23rd December 2007 |
Great opening dialogue. It's hard to write something that starts with intriguing dialogue but you did a good job of it here. The character's description of the ritual was haunting. The people's misconception and what it led to was interesting. 'Demons' needs more though, if you choose to add. |
Written by Fledermaus (3477 comments posted) 29th December 2007 |
Thanks Albatross, Yes, it must be pretty scary if one beliefs it's all real and to be taken literally... I guess most Catholics must find it troublesome to explain it to their kids.... Eating Jesus. |
Written by Josie (2844 comments posted) 30th December 2007 |
| I gop along with what has been said Fledermaus inasmuch as you need to develop your story. I am a Christian (methodist church). Christ said: "Do this in remembrance of me" and he gave them bread and wine. Yes, he did say "This is my blood which is given to you" - but he gave them wine as a symbol. Is this any different to saying that you give someone your heart when you give them roses? Is it any different to giving a valentine card with a red heart on it? No different at all. It is just a symbol. People look for things which definitely are not there I'm afraid. The most important thing that Christ said, which was more important than this to me was: "Love Your Neighbour as Yourself" and he defined neighbour in his story of the Good Samaritan as anyone who needs your help, no matter what colour or creed. |
Written by Fledermaus (3477 comments posted) 30th December 2007 |
Thanks Josie, Well after reading the comment of Lizzy, I looked it up and appearantly the Roman Catholic church holds that the bread and the wine realy become the blood and body of Jesus Of course it's just a symbol, but then it seems people did mistake such things for real and combined with a few plot theories the consequences were horrible. Of course this was not the main reason for the boxer rebellion, but I'm quite sure that if what I read was correct (and since it was written by a historian specialized in china, I suppose it was), it must have contributed to the cruelties against Christians, which were in turn terribly avenged by Western armies (the girl drowning herself refers to that part). So many tragedies in history seem to have been caused by simple misunderstandings... |
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