All done up
To look your best
Ironic then
That you’re grotesque
Fur coat on
And hair pristine
Prada shoes
All nice and clean
Chanel bag
Eyebrows neatly plucked
Older husband
Who’s rarely fucked
Blackberry out
Oh, calling Mummy
Personal trainer
Must watch the tummy
Silly friends
With silly worries
You’re so spoilt
Rage comes in flurries
Fuck off house
With token pool
Think West End clubs
Are fucking cool
Hate footballers
But you’re a slag
You’d suck me off
If I had a Jag
No taste in music
No taste in life
I’d be embarrassed
To call you my wife
I just don’t get
Why God put you here
I close my eyes
‘Til you disappear
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Written by punchy (500 comments posted) 14th December 2007 |
Ladies that lunch, I know the type only too well!
Shallow, materialistic, vain but underneath desperately insecure and unhappy which is why they have to cover up the ugliness which is inside, like a clown  |
Had to take a peek ........!
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 15th December 2007 |
......... and glad I did! 
As punchy said, there are far too many of this type out there!
Catchy title, almost identical to the title I chose for an entry to an online competition I entered some time ago (Win?? You must be joking!!!)
If you're curious I've posted it in the "Crime" forum [25 April 2005, so you have to scroll back quite some distance! ]
Thanks for an enjoyable read! |
Written by Josie (2788 comments posted) 15th December 2007 |
| Your poem was not an enjoyable read to me at all. You say you don't know the people of whom you write and don't want to know them either. So, if you don't know them, how can you put them into a "type category". Would you like others to do that about you? I wouldn't and yet I expect I am all bagged up already by some who know nothing about me. See my poem above. PS The bad language didn't make the poem any better as far as I am concerned, and I expect that puts me into a "type" category too. |
Written by Phil (6731 comments posted) 15th December 2007 |
Nothing wrong with judgemental if you've got something to go on. With Josie on this. While I don't object to the language used, it smacks of shallowness to judge so deeply on surface impressions. Says more about the narrator than the character described. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it.
Phil |
Written by audrie (451 comments posted) 15th December 2007 |
Agree with the last two comments. Who are we to judge others.
'Judge not, lest ye be judged', is a good thing to remember.
Are you so pure that you have no faults? Wonder what the woman thought of you. I don't admire the type but slagging them off is a waste of time. It's ourselves we should be trying to improve!
I don't mind the occasional use of bad language, if it is merited, but it seems to me to show a very limited vocabulary.
Here endeth the first lesson!! |
You guys!
Written by punchy (500 comments posted) 15th December 2007 |
It's just a poem, it would be cruel if he was sitting opposite her on the tube and laughing at her while writing the poem.It is wrong to judge but we all do it to some extent don't we. I thought poetry was about freedom to express? 
Nothing wrong with the odd bit of swearing either or are you guys all clean mouthed aswell? |
Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 15th December 2007 |
YOU ARE SOME SAD BASTARD, maybe you should get out more, meet people,
Very, very sad write. |
Written by fellpony (1617 comments posted) 15th December 2007 |
Hey, hey, people, TALK ABOUT THE WRITING, okay? Leave out the personal comments. (Sorry about that. Takes off moderator's hat.)
Not a new idea, and it reads like a rap - is that the intention perhaps? A bit over long, and how do you "know" all that about a person on a train journey? Wouldn't hurt to cut it down a bit. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 15th December 2007 |
I suppose we all tend to do this a bit, mind I'd like to read the poem she wrote about you; might be interesting.
I did think you went on a bit, often less is more, poetry is about compression of expression. It might have made more impact
Jane |
Written by vparakala (13 comments posted) 16th December 2007 |
Well, maybe you wrote the poem with full on disgust toward whoever you wrote it about...but I must say the first verse/stanza totally cracked me up. The thing is, I thought in the exact same way (ref: the first stanza) about someone I used to know a while ago.
Quasi-good read. 
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