|
| READING ROOM | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
|
| COMMUNITY | |||
|---|---|---|---|
|
| ABOUT GREAT WRITING | ||
|---|---|---|
|
| WORK AWAITING REVIEW |
|---|
|
| GW IS... |
|---|
|
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas
and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur
authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry
Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you
can make new friends and improve your creative writing. |
| WHO'S ONLINE |
|---|
| We have 3175 guests online and 6 members online |
| print friendly version | |
| You Made It Then | |
| By hippobum | ||||||||
| 15 December 2007 | ||||||||
|
Hi I would appreciate some help with improving this piece. Let me know where I've slipped up etc. I like the story, but it's definitely unfinished. Hope you enjoy the idea.
A Dictaphone sat on a balcony table overlooking the centre of London, divulging its secrets to the occupant of the table. The man in question was sat in the sun eating his breakfast, whilst taking in the information from the tape and planning his day’s activities. Suddenly the audio changed. The speech became louder, clearer and far harsher. The listener’s jolt of surprise made it clear that this interruption was not at all welcome.
“This is Jack Lane. I wanted you to hear this. I wanted you to know I’m still out there, still alive. That should be enough to keep you worried. Oh, and enjoy your breakfast.” The tape cut off and a large fist landed heavily on the table. -----------------------------------------------------------
“You made it then?”
Sat, dressed in a smart, but ruffled black suit in the middle of a busy London restaurant, Jack Lane tried his best to keep his voice from sounding nervous as his guest arrived. She was tall, slim and attractive, dressed in a knee length Chinese dress, her dark brown hair held up in a bob by hairpins. None of this mattered to Jack, however. His furtive gaze was directed either side of her, behind her and pretty much anywhere but on the woman in front of him. He was far too distracted to concentrate on any one thing. He was checking every bit of the restaurant he could see from where he was sat.
“Yes, despite the cryptic nature of your instructions.” She replied taking a seat.
Jack was still looking everywhere, glancing here and there: a quick look over his shoulder; another towards the entrance; back to the table.
“Definitely not. Nobody knows I’m even meeting you, let alone here.”
Jack started tapping the fingers of his right hand on the table and fidgeting with the cutlery. Isabelle looked at him questioningly as she pulled a Dictaphone out her bag.
“I’m good.” He pre-empted. “No-smoking restaurant.”
He combined a nod towards the signs on the wall with another suspicious sweep of the room.
“Oh, right. You don’t mind this do you?”
Isabelle motioned to the Dictaphone. He shook his head and she tried to gain eye contact with him.
“You sure have got some nerves.”
He wasn’t having any of the eye contact
“No, I really don’t.”
A glance to the toilets.
“Not to you, I didn’t.”
He punctuated this statement by moving his gaze away from her eyes over her right shoulder to one of the other tables.
“So are you still confident I’m alone.” A brief look over his left shoulder.
“How do you mean?”
Jack sat back in his chair with an emphatic silence. Isabelle, however, leant further forward.
“But I thought he was one of English’s favourites.”
Jack sat upright again as if his chair had been electrified. He interrupted her, his voice low and menacing.
“You know I can’t do that. I’m not stupid. I’m as good as dead the moment I hand over that evidence unless I was to have certain assurances…”
Jack sat back again, appearing to relax slightly apart from his eyes darting about the room constantly. Isabelle reached across the table to pour herself a glass of water from the jug that was sat in the middle of the table. She sat back and sipped at her water looking thoughtful. She placed her glass back down on the table and regained Jack’s attention.
Jack leant forward and became a bit more animated with his hands.
“Ah, now that, to a certain extent, I can help you with. Somewhere, let’s describe this place as safe keeping, is a large metal briefcase. In this briefcase is a collection of items: photographs, recordings, papers. These items are of great importance to both me and you because the collective value of them provides us with a story.”
“Yes. A story and a pretty interesting one at that.”
Jack took another thorough look round the room before leaning closer to the table and speaking softly.
“The briefcase contains all of the evidence collected by Mark Howell’s undercover operation.”
In one swift movement, Jack pulled out a small book from his jacket pocket and placed it on the table in front of Isabelle. She hesitated slightly as if it were going to bite her hand if she touched it. Slowly she reached down to pick it up and opened it up. Jack tried to read her face as she flicked through the pages.
“It’s one of the journals Mark kept while undercover. He wrote diary entries every day he was with the gang chronicling his and our activities. As you can see it’s all his handwriting.”
Jack pulled out a pen from his jacket and scrawled something on his napkin.
“Look.”
Isabelle looked up from the diary.
“What?”
Isabelle kept a stunned silence as she thumbed through the pages before eventually placing the book back on the table and sitting back slowly. She took a swig from her glass relaxed herself.
“I thought it was gone. I thought English had gotten rid of it.”
Jack produced a pack of tablets from his pocket and popped two onto the table.
“Diazepam. For the nervous condition I seem to have acquired,”
He swallowed the tablets with a gulp of water and sat forward with a more serious look on his face.
“I’ll start at the beginning. Most of this is known, but never proven.
Isabelle sat back in her chair and relaxed as Jack launched into his story.
“Thirty years ago, there were two main gangs on the streets of London, two main crime lords. The first was a man named Keith Boyle who made his money through drug running and extortion. The second was Shane English, the father of our story’s hero. For years the gangs fought each other, mostly over territory and sometimes just because, but Shane English eventually engineered a truce between the two sides. His motivation: the largest cross-channel smuggling operation ever. He figured that only both gangs together could take the job. What he didn’t figure on was that Keith Boyle would turn on him as soon as the money was being shared out. Almost the whole of Shane’s gang was killed in the massacre. Only a handful escaped including his 19yr old son, Darrel, who vowed to avenge his father’s death. For 10 years Darrel quietly re-built his father’s criminal empire until he had enough strength to storm Keith Boyle’s place of residence. Caught old Keith mid coitus, so I believe. At least he went out doing something, if not someone, he loved. Obviously this left Darrel unchallenged around London. All of the smaller gangs that had formed since his father’s death fell under his control, violently or not…”
Isabelle couldn’t help but interrupt.
“But what has this got to do with Mark’s death? What’s it got to do with you?”
Jack shook his head as if coming out of a daydream.
“I’m just filling in the background for you so that you can understand all the events.”
Isabelle broke her long silence with a chuckle.
“Not according to the warrant out for your arrest.”
Jack responded to her quip in amiable fashion.
“Well you shouldn’t believe everything you read, you know. What does it say about me?”
Isabelle went quiet. Jack continued.
“I can only assume that grief isn’t the only reason you took time out. Am I right?”
Isabelle was becoming quite stubborn and closed off, but Jack kept pushing her.
“You were suspended, weren’t you?”
Isabelle resumed her silence as Jack pressed her further, hoping for a reaction.
“They held you responsible for the death of his family. They thought you should have been able to stop them being burnt alive. His wife. His two young children. They found a charred teddy bear next to the bodies. His daughter was still holding it when she died, but you already knew that, didn’t you?
Jack leant forward, his voice dripping with menace.
“I’m saying that you want to recover the evidence for an entirely different reason.”
Isabelle cut off as she felt the cold metal of a 9mm silencer brush past her knee.
“Some might say your colleagues weren’t suspicious enough. I would be one of them. Amazing coincidence wasn’t it? Not long after you’re given control of the English investigation an undercover agent’s cover gets blown and he perishes never knowing who gave him up. Like I said, I was shocked when it all went off. After a while, it all made sense to me about Ronnie being CID. It was just the loose end of who gave him up. There was no one I could think of. For a while I didn’t have chance to worry about it. English lost his trust in me as Ronnie’s best friend and decided he’d kill two birds with one stone by framing me for the murder of him and his family. Unfortunately he didn’t take into account the fact that Mark actually filmed his own death. Yes, that’s in the briefcase as well."
Isabelle’s eyes widened.
“I’ll take that. You might have enough blood left in you to make it to English and get him to take out the entirety of CID to smother that evidence. Then again, you might not.”
Jack left the restaurant, walked briskly across the road and stopped in an alleyway. He took the Dictaphone out of his pocket and pressed record.
“This is Jack Lane. I wanted you to hear this. I wanted you to know I’m still out there, still alive. That should be enough to keep you worried. Oh, and enjoy your breakfast.”
Only registered users can rate and write comments. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
||||||||
|
|
Next item
|
|---|