This is a bit of flash fiction I did as an exercise from one of my writing magazines. The theme was `being followed`.
It could be nothing of course. I mean, everybody walks don`t they, to get home, to catch a bus, to visit the shops or a sick relative. So why should his footsteps be any different. There I go again you see, assuming it`s a bloke. It could just as easily be another girl making her way back from an evening class like me. Might even have been to a course on self-defence. In fact now I come to think of it there was such a course posted up on the notice board..now what night did it say..Thursday...yes that was it, Thursday. Tonight. That`s it! Bet she`s walking home secretly hoping someone will attack her so she can try out her newly-learned skills. No don`t be silly of course she won`t. Nobody wants to think they are being followed do they, scaring themselves shitless. Mind you, I suppose it does help though, knowing you can knee your attacker in the balls and throw them over your shoulder, or whatever the tutor has taught you..
I mustn`t turn round...Soon be at the turn for my street now. I can still hear the footsteps, sort of cloppy and close together like a female if you know what I mean. Men have longer strides don`t they, well I know my Ray does, takes me all my time to keep up with him when we go for a walk Sunday mornings...Not long now..God why is it so dark. How many times have I asked the council to fix the street lighting, but oh no, they`ve got more important things to do than fix a few poxy street lights.
Is it me or are the steps speeding up. Christ, what if it is a bloke, hurrying to catch up with me before I reach home. No, don`t be silly, how would he know where I lived. Unless he`s been watching me. He could couldn`t he, I mean you hear about that sort of thing all the time don`t you. Barry Hudson from accounts was telling me yesterday at the coffee machine how his sister had to get the police in when someone started stalking her...
There it is, I can just make out the turning up ahead....Thank goodness the house is only two doors down..Christ the steps are getting closer! God why is it so friggin` black! Keep calm..don`t run...don`t let him know you`re aware he`s behind you...was that a cough...they wouldn`t cough would they, not if they were going to attack me...Perfume..or is it aftershave..Where have I smelt that before...yesterday...at the coffee machine......
|
Written by Phil (6688 comments posted) 15th December 2007 |
Built well with a nice touch at the end. You did a good job representing the slightly non linear thoughts we all have. All too easy to tell it straight to less effect. Enjoyed it. Phil |
Written by Lizzy (790 comments posted) 16th December 2007 |
A lot said in a few words. You built the tension well leaving the reader to work out what was happening at the end. Lizzy |
Tension Written by BedtimeStoryteller (103 comments posted) 20th December 2007 |
Tension building nicely then…? What? She’s dead? Sorry, I would have preferred not to have to work out how it ended. |
Written by woody44 (774 comments posted) 20th December 2007 |
Thanks Phil and Lizzie. Bedtime. Sorry you didn`t like the ending but in certain situations I believe in letting the reader make up his/her own mind. I think the whole drama would have collapsed had I `told` and not left it open to the readers own interpretation. Writing is of course subjective and I fully respect your point of view and many thanks for your comments. Roger Roger |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.