READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1651 guests online and 5 members online
Shorts
The Poet
By Anberlin
16 December 2007
A young soldier in the trenches, during his last moments, is inspired by the smallest sign of life amongst a world consumed by war.

Anberlin x

      The poet, alone now, closed his eyes away from the sight of destruction and death around him. The trenches held misery for all who had called it a home of sorts over the last two years; the mud, the filthy stench rising from living and dead alike, the damp. Even the companionship of his brothers in arms held no comfort now. They were all gone. They had left him alone; left him in the sweet escape of eternal sleep, somewhere out on the battlefield. Their faces visited him now in his last moments, the memories warming him and raising his spirits.

       He opened his eyes once more, too weary to move. He shifted, breathing heavily with the effort. Crouched against the trench wall, his small form was invisible to the soldiers who ran past, boys with weapons of an awful power beyond their imaginations, heavy boots falling on the wooden boards. They passed and gun fire died away into the distance. The poet looked up towards the grey sky that offered no hope now; not a single bird flew over, no sweet song to please the lonely young men in their hour of need. But there, across from the poet along the edge of the trench, was a spark of colour amongst the endless grey that blurred the divide between land and sky, a dash of brilliance that was not the bright scarlet of lost blood. Along the trench wall a single flower grew. So small, not a single man had noticed but the poet, so fragile it would be destroyed in an instant…but it was there. A smile briefly passed across his worn face. The sight of it animated his spirit, even if just for a brief instant.

      For that moment, as his mind wandered back to happier times, the cold in his body was forgotten, the hunger passed and he was home again. He was back in his childhood home, long before the war had began, in the warmth of his mother’s kitchen by the fire, listening to long forgotten songs on the radio. He hummed the tune of one softly, the title of which was lost in the depths of his mind.
 
     He began to shiver, convulsions racking his frame. There was not much time. Keeping his eyes always on the flower, that small sign of life in this oblivion that was the war, he reached into his pocket, and withdrew an ink pen and a notebook. The pages were bent and crinkled, the paper having been waterlogged and dried again numerous times. This was all the poet needed in his final moments. With shaking hands, he crafted a poem that they would remember, a poem that would make them understand. The words flowed from his pen onto the page, the form perfect and solid in his imagination. In his last moments, he created a thing of beauty, his life’s art and meaning summarised in those few lines. His finished quickly, his body shaken with coughing. He sighed satisfied; he had immortalised the fragility of the flower in a sonnet, and it was enough. The poem was done. Tucking the poem into his jacket, he hoped it would be found after he had gone and passed on to others; this was how they would remember him in his last moments, without regret and without remorse.

      He closed his eyes once more, and this time closed away his mind. Slowly, the ache of life ebbed away, and he was home again.

Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3279 comments posted) 17th December 2007
So he wrote the poem while he was dying? Or just in case, because he knew he would die anyhow? The war to end all wars... 
Well written, though if I guessed it right that he was already wounded, perhaps a bit hard to believe...

Written by ladym (9 comments posted) 17th December 2007
Good piece and certainly topical. Based on Wilfred Owen, possibly? 
 
The only thing I would consider rewriting would be the opening paragraph. Most people know WW1 was horrific and most people can visualise the trenches. I think it's a case of less is more on setting the scene. The bleakness and sense of the trenches could be conveyed better by reflecting that starkness in sparer, less elaborate text. 
 
That apart, an interesting work.

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 17th December 2007
A good write. Ladym maybe has a point - but there's a case for going the opposite way too. It was so horrific, it deserves description. Do we really kn ow how bad it was. The opening scenes to Saving Private Ryan helped show me that WWII was a lot more barbaric and horrific than I'd ever imagined. More or less - one or the other. 
 
Finishes well. 
 
Phil. 
 

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item