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Written by fellpony (1603 comments posted) 17th December 2007 |
| if it were not for the ghastliness of the action your friend took, I would call this beautiful - memorably sparse and clear, and the turn of thought in the last stanza is both clever and meaningful, two things that don't always go together. A fine epitaph. |
Written by Fledermaus (3248 comments posted) 17th December 2007 |
| Well written. The calculation is a good metaphor and it's interesting how you managed to make clear what is not written. Sad story, good poem. |
Written by Phil (6683 comments posted) 17th December 2007 |
I'll echo Fellpony's words. Sparse, clear, and yes beautiful. Beauty can be found in many places.
Clever - and accessible. They don't always go hand in hand either.
Phil |
Written by hutmaster (134 comments posted) 17th December 2007 |
It took some time for this to surface. This young man worked with me and, as I suppose everyone in this situation says, we didn't see it coming.
Thank you FP. I tried to keep this stark; without embellishment and I am pleased you found that it worked.
Fledermaus. Good of you to read and comment and glad that the poem worked for you. It is difficult to write about this subject without becoming sentimental or morose. As for the word itself - it's almost like the word cancer - for a long time unmentionable as anything other than euphemism.
Phil. I agree that the most traumatic and difficult of subjects - if treated with... respect?... can be broached and even made beautiful.
Thank you for the read and remarks.
hm |
Written by Lizzy (790 comments posted) 18th December 2007 |
Agree with others comments,sad but beautifully written, and not a spare word.
Lizzy |
Written by hutmaster (134 comments posted) 18th December 2007 |
'Not a spare word' - that's what I was looking for, Lizzy, and glad to see that this appealed to you. Thank you for reading and commenting.
hm |
Written by seaJane (23 comments posted) 18th December 2007 |
Can't say anything better than the others have. This one'll stick in the mind.
seaJane |
Written by woody44 (774 comments posted) 19th December 2007 |
I don`t often hang around this section but I found this very moving, mainly by what was left unsaid. very clever and a poem that has the abilty to stay long in the memory.
Roger |
The power of the unspoken...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 19th December 2007 |
Nice work, HM. Touch of the Billy Yeats about this. Like Woody I also was struck by what was left unsaid. Spoke volumes.
Slan! |
Written by hutmaster (134 comments posted) 19th December 2007 |
If I can manage to make anything I have written stay with the reader, even for a while, seaJane, then I reckon I have succeeded. Thank you for the read and reply, I appreciate it.
Woody44. Glad you dropped into Poetry and that you found this worth replying to. Also pleased that the 'unsaid' in this works.
Gerard. You had me going, there. I scratched my head wondering who the heck Billy Yeats was until I twigged that you might mean WB and if that's the case then...wow! To be thought of in even the same brainfiring second as old WB is something to be proud of.
Seems the unspoken speaks loudest in this, and I am pleased to have achieved that much.
Thank you all for taking the time to read and comment.
hm |
Written by petetheverse (164 comments posted) 24th January 2008 |
HM,
I've been away a while but decided that when I came back, so to speak, I would specifically look for pieces of yours.
This is very strong; and everything appears to have been said already.
You are very clearly a writer of both breadth and depth.
Cheers.
PTV
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