You meet, get together, it finishes.
Once you touched the tips of my fingers
Then held my hand.
Eventually you had your arms around me.
Clothed
then naked.
Hard against me
Hard within me
Then you were holding me in your arms again.
Clothed.
Then you were holding my hand.
Now we are touching each others finger tips.
I dread letting you go.
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Great poem
Written by mattm (9 comments posted) 27th September 2005 |
I love the elegant simplicity of this poem, you manage to convey so much with so few words. You get the sense of anticipation, the closeness of it all.
The only line that I have an issue with is: "For a long time", as it just doesn't seem to convey as much as the lines surrounding it. But it's a minor quibble. |
hi, Sweetheart!
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 27th September 2005 |
[Said with a Cagney-esque "You Dirty Rat" feel to it - probably most unfair of me!) 
I liked the inevitability and the panic-stricken "rush" of the piece. Was this your main objective? It certainly worked on that level for me!
People don't seem to have the TIME for each other any more ....... 
Welcome to the madhouse, anyway |
Wow!
Written by dylangrrl (4 comments posted) 27th September 2005 |
| I really liked this. I thought the feeling of urgency was just right. I agree with the other contributer that the 'For a long time' line is completely unnecessary and does toake away from the speed of the piece. The mirror imagery really works. Kudos!! |
Hard to express
Written by redwolf (9 comments posted) 27th September 2005 |
The other reviews were correct, it has a great simplicity but says everything. The pace feels as if it was over too soon, as if it wasn't real and you want to return to it, feel it again to make sure it really happend.  |
Written by Sweetheart (14 comments posted) 27th September 2005 |
Thank you. MattM, Bagheera, Dylangrrl and Redwolf.
It's just how I see the relationship. We were careful with each other to begin with, then when we admitted our love for each other it was full on...then slowly we drifted apart. I can feel that we are just touching fingertips again now. |
Written by jean.day (2279 comments posted) 3rd October 2005 |
Hi
I was looking out for something you wrote as you were kind enough to do a review for me, and I just found this piece. I agree it is very well done. It says all you want it to say, very simply. |
Groovy baby
Written by Rattle_Spear (93 comments posted) 9th October 2005 |
| Your poem was touching. It would be nice to have more of your kind on this passionate planet. |
Written by Sweetheart (14 comments posted) 9th October 2005 |
| thank you Rattle spear......you mean you want more of the sappy, soppy and pathetic types on your planet?? |
I hear you
Written by Laura (10 comments posted) 15th September 2006 |
I think I am going through what you have depicted in this piece.
One minute we are so intimate, as though we are un breakable, the next we are torn apart by time.
Thankyou, I loved this piece.
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