Another one of my poems begotten from my grief of losing my Dobe recently. It's wishful that this should be. Memories and the idea that he is fine now is all there is to hold onto.
He was a very playful, clownish dog and I tried to poke that in there somewhere. But he could also be what appeared to be a thoughtful dog, depending on how much one anthropomorphizes them. In this case, I'm projecting human-like qualities to him but that's just for my own comfort, I guess.
It's pretty dorky, I suppose....the sing songy repetitive, bouncing rhythm so read it slowly and give a little pause here and there. LOL.
I'm open to suggestions in places where it may be a little awkward. Or should I trash the whole thing? Remember, I typed all these poems about my dog (there are a lot more) with tears streaming down my face and a wad of tissue in one hand so I can't be responsible if it's bad poetry. 
Lyric's Words To Me
I know you’re feeling sad and blue,
So hear these words from me to you,
Mourn not too long, for I am there,
Our lasting memories we’ll both share.
I remember when you’d call,
I’d run so fast, I’d make you fall,
You fell hard upon the grass,
I laughed with glee, when you fell on your (oops).
My memories of you are vast,
I love my present and I loved my past.
I am now, free of pain,
Running in the shine or rain.
Many, many friends I’ve made,
Here at the bridge, I know their names.
Mom, you must know that I am fine,
Happy, healthy, the world is mine.
Mom, don’t forget I miss you too,
And sometimes feel sad and blue,
But when you come to join me here,
The meaning will be very clear.
And before you come, be sure to tell
That I wish everybody well.
Be sure to tell them… they will see,
All the love you have for me.
For when dogs go off to Rainbow Bridge,
Their families follow up the ridge,
Dogs and people go together,
Never parted by foul weather.
Do not mourn so very long,
You taught me that very song,
Don’t forget that I am there,
I’m in all you love so dear.
I am everywhere, you see,
I am your very energy,
I’m even in your room at night,
Close your eyes and douse the light.
I never really ever left,
My body yes, my soul not yet,
Not ever Mom, I’d never leave,
For we are intermingled weave.
I’m still there, though you don’t know,
It’s like the way a river flows,
It twists and turns and takes a dive,
It disappears, plays tricks and hides.
Keep me in your heart and mind,
And I with you, will keep in kind,
We’re interwoven, that’s forever,
I won’t leave you, never ever.
Written by: Carrie (in behalf of Lyric)
©All Rights Reserved
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Lyric's Words To Me
Written by embro (126 comments posted) 21st December 2007 | I liked the novel approach of Lyric expressing his sentiments to you. I also liked your inclusion of the (oops), it softened what is a sad subject and helped the journey for the reader.
A lovely finish, the last line is very powerful ! |
Written by EmilyKevil (3 comments posted) 21st December 2007 | | Very touching poem.. I like it very much. The rhymth flows so nicely. Beautiful. |
Written by fellpony (1603 comments posted) 22nd December 2007 | | Well, it rhymes and scans, but ... does it say anything new? The form is very jaunty and it's one that is commonly used for comic effect, which makes it hard to take the content seriously. I think it could be a lot shorter and say as much, if not more. This isn't nearly as good as your prose piece on dog handling. |
Written by Carrie (16 comments posted) 22nd December 2007 | I know. It's not really very good poetry. LOL. Here's my reasoning: (gotta make excuses for myself, right?) The jauntiness is because that is how Lyric was, how all dogs are, rather child-like. I just know he'd be using that rhythm. He couldn't speak to me any other way. He was a comedian but he was also in-you-face affectionate and loyal.
It is hard to take the content seriously anyhow because what dog would really be saying all that. That is all anthropomorphizing by the dog's human "Mom." It's wishful thinking and no, it isn't anything new at all. It's probably what a lot of grieving pet owners have go through their minds...that wishful thinking that that is what is going on after their dog dies.
But I agree that it is probably longer than need be and that the sing song, jaunty rhythm is annoying. All my poems are annoying. But I wrote them while I was blubbering away. I don't know how it happened. I wasn't even thinking much when I wrote them. Yeah, yeah, I know...you can tell. 
So, maybe I should trash the poetry and keep working on my training book. LOL. I really got writers' block on that one. Need your border collie to bite me in the bum and get me going again. No, never. I won't give up on the poetry. I need an infusion of what to do to make it better. So, perhaps a more varied rhythm? Try to say what I want to in fewer words?
So, that non fiction thing I have on the emergency recall is what is called "prose?" I didn't know. I have some other writings...musings that I don't know where they fit. They're not really poetry and they're not completely NOT poetry. I wonder where to put those. Maybe they're just really awful writing.  They were just thoughts that in some places have a little rhythm and sometimes a little theme going on and other parts are just telling a little story.
Well, thanks for the constructive pointers. I'm sure it's a lost cause. You wouldn't believe all the poems I wrote, some very short (2 or 3 stanza) and they're probably even worse. But they did come from my true heart, my deepest thoughts straight onto the keyboard. | Emily and Embro
Written by Carrie (16 comments posted) 22nd December 2007 | | Thanks Embro and Emily. That was very nice. Maybe there are some parts that work better than others. Maybe not. I really should take a class or something. |
Written by fellpony (1603 comments posted) 22nd December 2007 | poetry as therapy is fine for the sufferer, don't get me wrong - even REALLY bad poetry can help you get something straight in your head. Sometimes it connects for other people too. Most therapy poems are a touch embarrassing for others though. It takes enormous skill to translate pain into art.
Go and read some of the best poets on this site: eg, Talisker, and Patterjack, and Ellipinnock. (Possibly me too, but they are the ones I admire most.) They have a huge catalogue of work on here. Read, choose pieces you like, then try to find out what is so effective in the work that you admire. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3331 comments posted) 22nd December 2007 | I liked the approach you took.It reminded me of a poem,often used at funerals which ends
"I am not there I did not die" This is similar in sentiment as I remember it.
I'm not sure what dorky is but I can guess. Therapy writing isn't often for public consumption.Usually therapeutic writing has me hitting the exit button but this had a lot going for it,I think. There were some really good verses[and a few 'dorky' ones, I suppose].
I think the length of it was one of its strengths, because you just surrender yourself to it.Although I'm sure fellpony is right and it should be edited down to the really good verses.
You are expressing the raw emotion here. The thing to do is put it away for a while; work on it later with a bit of perspective. I liked it for it's lack of literary pretention, don't lose that.
Jane |
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