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Poetry
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Ripped Sails
By EmilyKevil
21 December 2007
i'm on a journey in a boat
and you're my sails that got torn
that got torn, torn, torn
in a great, big, terrible storm
and every rip that runs through you
it runs through me too.

i've tried to stitch you back together,
but you still rip
i kiss your wounds, try and make you feel alright
but you still tear

and the truth is, i can't make it through the storm
not without you there
not without you there to keep the wind at my back,
the sun in my smile,
the waves from crashing upon me

but i can't be sure
i can't be sure
that ripped sails can carry a breaking boat
across an angry sea.

Reviews
Beautiful
Written by Steve_K (55 comments posted) 21st December 2007
Really beautiful poem, loved the last two lines 
".... ripped sails can carry a breaking boat 
across an angry sea." 

Written by seaJane (23 comments posted) 21st December 2007
It's a great pair of lines but the answer from a sailor would be such an emphatic "no they can't!" as to undermine the power of the poem, I think.  
 
Would having "patched" instead of "ripped" spoil the poem for you? If it wouldn't, then I think that would preserve both the ambiguity of the situation as well as the practical accuracy (there's only so far you can stretch a metaphor).

Written by EmilyKevil (3 comments posted) 21st December 2007
seaJane -- 
 
I see what you mean. However, I don't know if I like the word "patched" in this case. To me, "patched" would symbolize the sails being healed, which they are not meant to be. They are always being fixed, but always unreliable -- likely to rip again at any point. What would be a better word? .. hmm.  
 
"that such fragile sails can carry a breaking boat 
across an angry sea." ? 
 
Doesn't sound quite right to me. I'm not sure.. I guess I'll have to work on that one, or just let the sailors laugh at me :) We'll see. 
 
Thanks for pointing that out, though! 

Written by Carrie (16 comments posted) 21st December 2007
How about tentative sails? Not exactly a very pretty sounding word. But if they're unreliably fixed....I kind of like fragile sails because that's what they are. Hmmm. Food for thought. 
 
All in all I really loved your poem. It sounds very sad. I thought you used good metaphores and well chosen, descriptive words. "The waves from crashing upon me." I really felt that...heartache. 
 
I don't know if it's not supppose to have a regular rhythm everywhere.... or if it is meant to be a little choppy, like the angry sea.  
 
But it's a really heart felt poem. I like it.

Written by Fledermaus (3448 comments posted) 22nd December 2007
Good metaphor. It works well.

Written by stevetroster (1588 comments posted) 22nd December 2007
What would be a better word? .. hmm.  
Better? Suggestion only. 
Fraying Sails (still on the way out) 
Tattered Sails (ragged, shabby) 
 
All the best, 
Steve.

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