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Poetry
The Excrement Of Love
By blogbrush
22 December 2007
Lord knows, I'm no poet.  But I'm enjoying myself tremendously on this site at the mo and thought, why not. 

I've written poetry for as long as I could write but I've never taken it seriously or considered it a talent.  Prose is my thing.  Anyway, this is from a few years ago.  Note the complete lack of metaphor.  Dear me.

Once, I watched you remove your bloody tampon

And throw it across the floor.

I found it very erotic.

 

And once, when the tip of my nose turned volcanic,

You pincered me with your fingers and you squeezed –

All that puss!  But you just ignored it.

 

I remember once, as we laid dreamy and entwinded,

You saw it fit to fart into my thighs –

Giggle loudly, then softly sigh…

 

Once, twice, so many times,                    

We’ve excreted stuff of every kind,

While the other greedily gorged - or laughed.

Cleaned our teeth or held the others hair back.

From every angle and in every shade,

Our bumpy, imperfect bodies have lain

In quiet comfort…

 

But now, we pass as strangers in the street.

Your hair tied-up; my hair combed neat.

And it’s as though we never really got close to seeing,

As though we never really got close to knowing,

As though we never really got close to one another,

At all.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 22nd December 2007
You may be no poet, or you may be - I wouldn't know - but this is better than much of the angst ridden dire crap I've waded through recently. 
 
Liked the earthy descriptions of this close relationship and the contrast in the last verse. You avoided the, 'Oh woe is me, me bird doesn't love me any more,' rubbish - and that's why I like this. I guess much of this won't suit the sensibilities of some but I found it warm and it made me smile too. 
 
I suppose it is very prosy, but it had its own gentle lilt. 
 
Really liked: 
Our bumpy, imperfect bodies have lain In quiet comfort…  
 
Enjoyed, 
 
Phil 
 
 

Written by jillrabbit (57 comments posted) 22nd December 2007
What an interesting poem. 
Some won't like the subject matter but I think it reflects the intimacies of a close relationship really well. It might be uncomfortable to think about in others, perhaps, but most of us will relate to it. 
You made the rift in the last verse seem almost palpable... 
 

Written by fellpony (1616 comments posted) 22nd December 2007
agree with Phil, much better than a lot of the stuff we're offered here! I've always said a good test of a relationship is whether it can deal with beans, sprouts and the like with good humour. The church service expressions are a little more refined but have much the same intention. 
 
I'd lose the last four lines and leave the neat, rhymed couplet to stand as a contrasting end after the unrhymed freer form of the rest.

Written by blogbrush (33 comments posted) 23rd December 2007
ha thanks guys, wasn't expecting a very good reaction to this... I sort of make it ryhme don't I fellpony? I thought that was the only poetic technique I could manage. Thanks though everyone nice of you all to focus on the positives :grin

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