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By Talisker
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28 December 2007 |
My mind returns to family
like my tongue to a ragged tooth.
The cavity feels vast, a canyon
edges razor sharp, abrasive.
In reality, the issue is as tiny
as the grit from my upturned shoe
which felt like a boulder
to my walking feet.
Oli 28/12/07
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Written by Phil (6951 comments posted) 28th December 2007 | Hm, this time of year does tend to throw together nearest and 'dearest.' Issues long buried can rise to just below the surface. Doesn't have to be big - just bloody irritating.
Thought the metaphor worked very well.
Phil |
Written by Phil (6951 comments posted) 28th December 2007 | | Or should that be simile? |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3555 comments posted) 29th December 2007 | If it's got the word 'like' in it, it's probably a simile. That's how I tell the difference, not that it matters. If it works, that's all that matters.
I thought this did work very well; a lot said in a few words which is what poetry is best at. It is so true that the biggest feuds in families start from the most trivial of things. I think you expressed it brilliantly
jane |
Written by jillrabbit (57 comments posted) 29th December 2007 | | Very good poem. Add to the cavity ' painful' as well! | And...
Written by jillrabbit (57 comments posted) 29th December 2007 | | ...my husband Richie has just read it and was very impressed by the imagery. He's not a fan of poetic form but likes the clever way you have expressed this concept of family. |
Written by audrie (454 comments posted) 29th December 2007 | Families! What would we do without them?
Cause of more love and hate than almost any other relationship! |
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