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Poetry
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Song : A Simple Request
By patterjack
28 December 2007
                       Song :

                       A simple  request



                      Why do you come here ?    

                      asked inmate of warden:    

                      this constant intrusion      

                      makes life a burden.    


                     Leave me to lie here            

                     exiled from the garden ,     

                     wrapped in confusion.      

                     Gossamer chains harden.  

Reviews

Written by Phil (6951 comments posted) 28th December 2007
A little less simple than it seems, Brian. I opened this one when I'd been thinking about something specific and your words fell into the theme. I'll need time to think it over as my brain may be stuffing words to fit a pre-existing mould. 
 
I'll be back. 
 
Phil 
 
hi
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 29th December 2007
an interesting and well written piece. 
but i don't fully understand it, must have my empty head on. 
Bernie
hi
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 29th December 2007
an interesting and well written piece. 
but i don't fully understand it, must have my empty head on. 
Bernie
oops
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 29th December 2007
double posted, sorry

Written by Phil (6951 comments posted) 2nd January 2008
Hi Brian. Back as promised. 
 
I keep getting tied up with this. It's that line: 'exiled from the garden.' 
I keep thinking of original sin (ha!) and Adam and Eve - and then struggle to put the rest specifically into place. 
 
Perhaps I'm trying too hard. 
 
Phil.

Written by blogbrush (33 comments posted) 24th January 2008
'good poetry can communicate before it is understood' 
 
t. s. eliot. i think this is the effect you almost achieve. interesting.

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