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By AnneStuart
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30 December 2007 |
Pictures of my big brother hiking fill my scrapbook pages. He was happiest when planning, walking, or talking about his last hike. Dad and Nick hiked together for as long as I can remember. Going off together, knapsacks on back and hiking sticks picking up a rhythm they would stride up the path at the back of our house onto the Chiltern Hills. I was much younger than Nick so I waited impatiently for them to come home. Swinging on the back garden gate I would watch as they walked down the track from the Ridgeway. With tales of adventures and fellow travellers, they came home laughing.
Standing at the back gate triggers my favourite memory of Nick; the first time he took me on a hike. We took the bus to the other side of the Chilterns and started by walking up the hill to the mausoleum. We followed a trail to the top where we ate our lunch looking over the valley. Below us, sheep and cows grazed together while a farmer patiently turned his summer crop under, revealing brown earth paled by chalk deposits. We spent our afternoon going over the top of the hills through woods smelling richly of leaf mould and fungus. It was just getting dusk as we paused at the top of the chalk hill above the village. The lights of Oxford glowed orange in the distance and the streetlights twinkled below us. “I love this view,” Nick said, “It always welcomes me home.”
Nick shared his treks by showing me drawings of the views he had sketched. I don’t share Nick’s talent but I love taking photographs. I imagine Dad and Nick watching over my shoulder as the prints come alive in the developing solution. Nick was working in Australia when Dad died. By phone, we planned our hike to scatter his ashes. Then Nick died in an accident at work. His mates shipped his ashes home.
Now as I stand by the back gate, I recall the walk where I scattered Dad and Nick’s ashes, all the way to the top of the hill. I loved my big brother. If I need his spirit to be closer I grab my backpack and stick and stride up the path to the hills he loved. I regain my peace as I walk back and know however far Nick walked; his joy was in coming home. |
Written by Phil (6681 comments posted) 30th December 2007 | Touching piece - if a little underdeveloped. Plenty of scope for more back story and detail. Ending very effective.
Easier to read on screen if broken into paragraphs.
Phil | Thanks
Written by AnneStuart (11 comments posted) 31st December 2007 | | Thanks Phil - it was the start of an idea and for a class only that length. Thanks for the hints. | Good Title
Written by hutmaster (134 comments posted) 31st December 2007 | Love the title, Anne. It wraps the lot up with all of the associations necessary. For such a short piece it has a completeness about it which feels very satisfactory, although, as Phil points out, there's room for more.
Only slight niggle might be para 3. Nick's name is mentioned too frequently, I feel. Maybe a couple of pronouns could replace the proper - making sure to keep the sense.
All in all a lovely write.
hm | hutmaster
Written by AnneStuart (11 comments posted) 31st December 2007 | Oh my gosh - I hadn't realized. It will take some work to get rid of Nick in that paragraph.  | suggestion
Written by hutmaster (134 comments posted) 31st December 2007 | 'Nick shared his treks by showing me drawings of the views he had sketched. I don’t share my brother's talent but I love taking photographs. I imagine him and Dad watching over my shoulder as the prints come alive in the developing solution. He was working in Australia when Dad died. By phone, we planned our hike to scatter his ashes. Then Nick died in an accident at work. His mates shipped his ashes home.'
Hi again, Anne. Above is the same para with some suggested way of removing the 'Nicks'. Hope you don't mind and ofcourse its yours to do with as you wish.
Still very good, whatever you decide.
hm | Hutmaster
Written by AnneStuart (11 comments posted) 31st December 2007 | | Thanks - appreciate the suggestions. |
Written by Lizzy (790 comments posted) 31st December 2007 | A good piece of writing.
I agree with the others, the title is especially effective.
Lizzy |
Written by woody44 (774 comments posted) 1st January 2008 | A moving, evocative piece Anne. I think the announcement of Nick`s death is perhaps a little abrupt, but this is only a minor quibble in what is a well paced and thoughtful story.
Happy New Year
Roger | Big brother
Written by ianhobsonuk (159 comments posted) 2nd January 2008 | I agree with Phil, and with the big brother – I love hiking.
Ian |
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