In the spring of this past year I was driving the Massachusetts Turnpike from West Stockbridge to Westfield, Massachusetts. I got a toll ticket when I got on the turnpike in West Stockbridge, but when I drove through the toll booth in Westfield I accidentally drove through the “E-Z Pass Lane” and there was no one to take the ticket. I drove on through and parked in a “visitors” slot.

When I walked back and explained to the toll taker what happened and tried to give him the ticket he cops an attitude with me.

“Well. That wasn’t too bright now, was it?” He says to me. “How’d you manage to mess that up?”

“Dude.” I replied. “You’re a 45 year old a toll taker on the turnpike. You probably still live with your mother. I don’t think you want to get into who is and isn’t too bright just now.”

“Well, I can’t take that ticket anyway.” He says while tossing me a brown toothed grin.

“When you drove through the toll booth a camera took a picture of your license plate. You’ll be getting a summons to court.” Another flash of brown teeth.

It's a free ride from West Stockbridge to Westfield Mass on the turnpike anyway. All you have to do is turn in the ticket and they nod you through. I wasn't worried about a fine.

So I shoved the turnpike ticket into a pocket in my sun visor and pretty much forgot about it. I never did receive “the summons.”

In May of this year I was again traveling the Massachusetts Turnpike from West Stockbridge.

As I got to the Springfield exit that I was heading for I remembered the ticket from a year ago. I took it out and looked at it. It was pretty much the same as the new ticket I’d just got. When I got to the toll plaza in Springfield I handed in the year old ticket.

The tickets do have the date and time printed on them. If the toll takers can read they’re not likely to waste time examining your ticket. But, there is a magnetic strip on the back of each turnpike ticket. I’m fairly certain that the date and time of issue of each ticket is encoded on that strip on the back of the ticket.

Somebody, somewhere deep in the bureaucratic maze of the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority, has to be scratching their heads and wondering how a motorist managed to stay on the turnpike for an entire year.

You could walk from Exit one to Springfield in less than a year.

Since I now have a Massachusetts Turnpike toll ticket in my car at all times, and just to mess with them a little more, every couple of months or so when I’m on the turnpike I give them the ticket from the previous trip.

When I’m having a frustrating day I like to imagine that there’s some low level state auditor with questionable hygiene habits and wearing a rumpled Wal-Mart suit, who has started a collection of turnpike toll tickets where the motorists have been on the road for at least two months, and in one case, over a year.

Makes me smile every time! : D

But did he ever return no he never returned
And his fate is still unlearned.
He may ride for ever ‘neath the streets of Boston
He’s the man who never returned. *

* From the song, “The Man Who Never Returned.”
By The Kingston Trio.