It's probably more than just a fairy tale. Rather an allegory about the high-kingship of that island...
Five brothers were hunting
In a forest dark and green
Each of them son of the king
The five kings that could have been
Five thirsty men had a draught
Rode to the blessed well
But of water they got naught
Until they'd break the spell
The ugliest hag on guard
Would only let them drink
With a kiss as her reward
The princes felt their hearts sink
Three of them refused outright
The fourth quickly pecked her cheek
But this little kiss in spite
She did not give in, the freak
The fifth man looked at her then
Embraced her, looked in her eyes
Kissed the hag, there in the glen
Passionately in her guise
Her hair long and made of gold
Her face delicate and sweet
Grace, beauty, treasure to hold
And the kiss was a pure treat
And so Niall married the queen
Became king of Ireland
Prettier than ever seen
His wife sat at his right hand
|
Written by Steve_K (55 comments posted) 1st January 2008 |
| Nice story telling vibe off this one.... |
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 2nd January 2008 |
| It's strange how the story of Beauty and the Beast , The Prince and the Frog etc comes up over and over again. I say: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Interesting story and I am sure we shouldn't just judge people on their appearance.. |
The loathly lady
Written by petetheverse (164 comments posted) 2nd January 2008 |
Hi;
This is an interesting concept; but I feel that is marred by having - perhaps - been rushed in its construction. Sadly, I have to point out that there are two glaring clichés - "the princes felt their hearts sink", which is a desperate search for a rhyme to pair with 'drink'; and "a pure treat". This is modern vernacular completely out of context in the story line.
There is also something lacking in punctuation - the reader needs to be guided towards what the writer intends - the final stanza, because it lacks punctuation, seems to suggest that the King of Ireland was prettier than ever seen; which may have been the case; but would he then have married?
Nor does your tale entirely explain that it is the hag who is transformed into a beauty.
These points apart, I enjoyed it.
Were I a teacher, the pencilled under-scoring would read "NEEDS MORE WORK".
Which is almost ALWAYS the case.
Yours,
Petetheverse - and no, I'm not Welsh; merely a quarter Irish; and had I thought of it when I registered, I might have more properly chosen the name Pseud. Add the Irish, and I might have been Pseud O'Nym! |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 2nd January 2008 |
Thanks Steve, Josie and Pete,
It's more than just Niall kissing an ugly hag which transforms into a gorgeous princess. According to some theories the woman represents Ireland itself, and thus it symbolizes that he was a good king (making her pretty again).
I'm very grateful for your advice Pete. Indeed it was a bit rushed (as most of my poetry is) and you're absolutely right there were a few cliche and forced lines in it. I will take a little more time next time I write a poem. Thanks  |
Written by Phil (6719 comments posted) 2nd January 2008 |
Again Fled, if history was taught in rhyme when I was at school....
One or two lines did stand out in this as not quite fitting - but it was an interesting read showing yet another myth I knew nothing about.
Phil |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 2nd January 2008 |
| Thanks Phil. |
Hi Fledermaus
Written by jean.day (2279 comments posted) 3rd January 2008 |
| This is a good poem - gets the story across and has a pleasant ring to it. |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 3rd January 2008 |
| Thanks Jean |
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.
Previous item
